Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Will this day ever end?

These past three days have just drug on! I can't handle it. Every afternoon it's the same thing, LONG!

I am currently racking my brain as to what to get people for Christmas. I have no idea what to get some people and it's driving me nuts. I'm running out of ideas.

And...can I say that Denver is worse than Chicago today as far as the wind goes. I almost got blown over today walking into Starbucks. No really, I almost did.

But on another note...I'm so thankful that I have Christ in my life and that I don't have to go through life alone without Him. How dreadful would that be! I would like to say I couldn't imagine it, but I can. I went 18 years without Him and it was dreadful! I was praying to God this morning and remembering a verse that our Bible study memorized a few weeks ago, "Worry about nothing; instead pray about everything." God reminded me to stop worrying about something and to pray about instead. So I did. I put it before the Lord and gave it to Him wihtout picking it up again and He was faithful. Big surprise, huh?

He was faithful and He calmed me and took the burden from me. He answered my prayer and reassured me that He cares about the tiny parts of my life as well as the big ones and smiled on me. I can say that I am now at peace. Thankfully.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Change of view...

Change of view...or perspective rather. That's been happening a lot. Have I told you that God's been doing that? He has. In major ways.

Yesterday's sermon was amazing!!!! Ron talked about God needing to break you so you could be poured out.

That's exactly what God's been doing. I have written a couple of times about how God's been breaking me and He continues to. It's mostly been breaking down my pride that He's been doing. He's had to break it down to show me the things that He's wanted to show me. How else was I going to learn to look at people in love and see the things that God sees in them? How else was I going to learn to look ahead to how God is going to work in people and not look at their faults? How else was He going to keep my mouth shut from saying stupid things and being all pridefall like I am? It had to be done. It still has to be done:)

But Ron was right. I want to be poured and I want to love people with every fiber of my being holding nothing back. God has broken me in order to be able to see it and experience and He has also brought significant people into my life that have been examples of that! I'm thankful for such a time as this.

May God be my light on a dark path and my strength when I am weak. May I never look to another for what He can give me. Gotta keep those eyes focused on the heart that matters most, His...

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thankful!

Thanks to my dear ol' dad, the whole family, including myself, had the opportunity to remember and share what we were thankful for. Always leave it to dad to remind us what the real reason behind anything is. For that I am thankful. He made us stop our cooking and baking and sit down and pray as a family and then share what we were thankful for. Sometimes, well...most of the time, I think dad really gets it and I'm just catching up. Thanks dad!

I am stuffed! The menu was as follows:

Turkey
Cranberry Sauce
Macaroni and Cheese
Sweet Potato Cassarole with pecans, brown sugar on half and marshmellows on half
Cabbage
Green Bean Casserole
Corn Bread Dressing
Pineapple Casserole
Rice and Gravy
Sweet Tea

Dessert:
Pecan Pie
Lemon Squares
Pumpkin Pie
Pumpkin Roll w/ Cream Cheese Icing

It's been a good day! I leave tomorrow to fly back to Colorado. It's been a good week at home. I do love home. And boy have we had some laughs! :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Blameless...without a single fault

This morning I was reading Colossians 1:25-23. I have read it I don't know how many times, but this morning God spoke to me through it. I made a point to read it slowly and really focus on what it was saying and it really makes a point to describe to you the enormity of what God did from the very beginning. "Christ is supreme"-the title of the passage that really helps you to see how supreme He truly is. WOW!

A few days ago I spoke of a passage from 1 Thess. about being blameless and here it is again but in Colossians.

As a result, he has brought you into the presence of God, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.
Colossians 1:22b
It seems that God is repeating something in my life. I am holy and blameless as I stand before Him without a single fault. "Without a single fault"-that just sounds so final doesn't it? It gives me a picture of it being the end. [Not the end of life or time per se] It's like, no questions asked. That is the final word on it. You have no single fault with you after Jesus has cleansed you, NOTHING! It's praiseworthy and puts a huge smile on my face and my heart.
I think I've been beating myself up so much lately over some things and Jesus is just coming to me saying, "You're not perfect, you never will be this side of Heaven, but you are blameless and I have rescued you. Rejoice in it. It's worth rejoicing in!" And He's right. He's so right.
I'm thankful for the times like this when I hear Him so clearly in my life. He knew what I needed and He came to me:)

Monday, November 21, 2005

I'm home!!!!!...again

I'm home again. Let me first tell you what happened on Saturday as I was trying to catch my flight. I got to the airport in plenty of time Saturday morning. Well...here I am standing in the forever-long United line to check in and I finally get up to the counter where the lady tells me that I'm not flying United this trip. I'm flying ATA. I have to walk to the other side of the airport and stand in that line. I felt so dumb. When I looked at my tickets that I had I must have looked at my Christmas ticket cause I totally thought I was flying Untied, guess not.

I run to ATA and stand in that line and finally get up to the front and then the lady behind the counter starts yelling at me! Can you believe that. She was yelling at my to hurry up. I was going as fast I could with three bags and a large purse:) She checks me and then I go through security. Well, the security people decide that I'm special and need to go through an extra security check where I'm body searched and everything. This, of course, took an extra 15-20 minutes. I get to the train to go to the concourse of mine is the last one. I finally get off that train and I'm running through the concourse and as I'm approaching my gate (the last one) I'm begging the ladies at the counter to let me on this plane. They were sweet enough to allow me and opened the doors and let me one. I sat down and the plane took off. Thank God I made it!

The rest of the flights went well and I arrived at Raleigh/Durham and saw my parents standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting on me. They, of course, starting waving frantically to me and so I waved back. I felt a little dumb with all these people around me, but really, I wanted to wave at them. I was excited to see them. And I'm crazy just like them:) We're all crazy. But we're not boring:)

And, oh the sweet tea! Mom has made some everyday and it's beautiful. I really need to stop drinking it, it's worse than soda. There's so much sugar in it. But I just love it and I don't get it that often. I must take advantage of this while I'm here:)

Oh, last night I went with my parent's small group to these people's house for dinner. They have a goat farm. All I can say is, "Interesting". I would really never like to own goats. But they do and we need goat farmers, so I'm glad it's them.

They were telling me stories of their daughter who's in Cameroon right now. She's been there for five months for a research project for work. One night she was sleeping in her tent in the jungle and she thought it was raining which is no big deal there when it's monsoon season. But what she thought was rain was coming through her tent. She realized it wasn't rain, it was huge red ants. These ants are so big that when one of them got up her jeans and someone on her leg she tried to slap her leg to kill it and when she did the ant big through her jeans and bit her finger. They're huge! And they're deadly. The girl came running out of the tent screaming and her guides ran to her with kerosene and dumped it all over her to kill the ants. Awful! I would have freaked out to tell you the truth.

But I'm having a great time at home. I'm headed to my mom's school this morning to see her little students and to see her kids from last year who I just loved. They're awesome! I'm taking her lunch and we'll have a great time! And tonight, Ruthanne and Nathan are coming to our house for dinner. Ruthanne is an old boss of mine, but has turned into one of my dearest friends that I have. She and I are two peas in a pod. :) Isn't this fun?

Tomorrow, Jenn comes home and Wednesday we bake for Thanksgiving and Thursday, well, we all know what this is. This is where we gorge ourselves and then sleep it off:) What could be better? Toodles.

Friday, November 18, 2005

LOST

I'm watching LOST tonight! I didn't watch it Thursday. Don't you dare tell me what happens! I'm so excited! And...we're having pecan pie! Yummy! What a fun night we're going to have:) And...I'm flying home tomorrow! I get to spend a week at home with the fam and I'm thrilled about it. I have the best family in the world and they're so funny. Laugh till your side hurts!:)

Thursday, November 17, 2005

My heart

Is your heart right with God? This was the question asked this morning during out staff prayer time. Your heart shall be sanctified with God.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Take note that blameless DOES NOT mean perfect. Thank God!
With everything that I'm walking through right now, God met me. He gave me favorite scripture again this morning in my QT.
I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be. No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I STRAIN to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.
Philippians 3:12-14
Encouragement for how I'm not there yet, but that's okay. I will never be, this side of heaven. Paul never was. But...I've got to focus all of my efforts and try my best to be there.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

More learning...

So...last night. Well...a lot happened. It was actually really good and a very growing experience. A friend of mine told me that when he first met me I seemed very closed off. This, in conjunction with the comment that I got from another friend last week telling me that I seem like I don't have time for people has really got me thinking. Now, honestly, I'm thankful for both of these comments. It's got me thinking.

I have a tendency to talk through my thoughts, sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad. Hopefully last night was one of these good times:) I talked through it and have really just realized that I have worked hard for so many years to guard my heart with any guy, whomever he may be, that it has turned into more of a wall than anything. I've been told that this isn't good. So...I'm working on it.

It's definitely something that I'm trying to figure out and something that I'm asking God to show me how to do. I want to be open with people and not hide my heart, but I've done it for so long that it's hard to come out of it. I need to find a balance and that's easier said than done. I also need to quit trying to make people think that I have it all together and that I'm organized and know what I want and where I want to go in life. I'm just as confused as anyone else is!

Amy, you know that song on Nicole Nordeman's "Woven and Spun" CD? Number 7? You pointed out to me the summer of 2003. You told me about what it meant to you and how it helped you. Well...I just keep thinking about that song. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about. It's about not having to live up to people's expectations and realizing that you don't have to pretend that life is grand. Live in what you have and who you are. God is there. Good idea. I think I'll try that.

Here we go again...pride being squashed! Will this ever end? Hope not!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Ooops!!

So...I messed up huge last night. I had meetings ALL day yesterday. From 9:30am-5:00pm. They were very productive but very long. About 8:30 last night I'm getting ready for bed settling down to do some reading and then the Lord (it had to be Him) reminded me of some candles that I had lit in my office about 9:00am. Oh my gosh! I just put on shoes and a jacket and ran out the door. I sped all they way to the office. The whole time I'm praying that the office is not burnt down and I'm also thinking of ways to explain to the policeman who might pull me over for speeding why I was actually speeding. I actually thought he would understand:)

I got to the office, unlocked the door, turned the alarm off, and ran to my office to find the candles still burning. Thankfully the building was not burning and I still had a job! I was so relieved. Sometimes, I really wonder what I'm thinking. Anyone have those moments?

Friday, November 11, 2005

What a glorious day!

First off, can anyone say casual Friday? That's right. We had it today for the second, count it second time since I've been on staff. And yes, I wore jeans! Then, because there were only five people in our office, KBM took us out to lunch at Fuddruckers. Then...Pam (HR) let us leave work early!
So I went and worked out, which was nice because I thought it better that I get more sleep last night rather than wake up early and go to the gym. Sometimes you just have to make these important decisions:)
Talked my sister today and got some great advice. Man I love her! She's always honest and tells me the truth even if I don't want to hear it.
And tomorrow...breakfast with Natalie and ultimate frisbee baby! What a good day.
I'll also be cleaning out my car and hopefully getting it washed. Anyone want to join me?

Again....

So...God's bringing me through more brokenness, which is what I asked for. So...I'm grateful, but it still kinda stinks. I just kinda realized yesterday that my relationship with Him is faultering. It's not like it used to. And I think the fact that it so gradual is the reason I didn't notice it until yesterday.

A few days ago I had a conversation with a friend of mine in which I said that my relationship with Christ was the most important thing in my life. As I continued to think about this conversation, God was like, "Are you sure it is?". And then yesterday happened. I was finally like, you know what, it's not the most important thing in my life. It should be and I want it to be, but it's not and that's where my problem lies.

I also had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine at small group. We were talking [we hadn't talked in a long time] and he told me that the impression that I give off to people is that I'm too busy and I don't have time for them. I don't have time to really get to know them. This, of course, got me upset, but at the same time, I was so thankful. How can I change if I don't know what needs to be changed.

Never, in my whole life, have I had anyone be so dead honest and upfront with me. I needed this and it's what I wanted. I don't know how many times I've told people that I just want them to be honest with me about the things in my life that need to change and they're just too nice. Stop being nice, be honest. [I mean I want you to be nice while you're doing it:)] Anyway, I was very thankful for this.

I'm sorry to all of you for being too busy for you. It was never my intention. I do need to slow down and take time for people. Help me to do this.

All of this to say, as I was reading in QT time this morning, God gave me a verse that brought me a lot of encouragement. He knew how bad I felt about what was going on.

And I am sure that God, who began a good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.
Philippians 1:6
God told me He's not finished with me yet and He's not giving up on me! Thank God, there's so much work to be done yet!!!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Change

So...I didn't change the name of the blog. [A little voice said they liked it:)] I changed the description underneath it. You know, a little more up-to-date. It's more me, don't you think?

Positive Conviction

Every morning, the office staff that I'm a part of meets together for prayer before we start the day. It's my favorite part of the day and my favorite part of working here. We start off on the right foot and start off checking out motives for being here and doing what we're doing. At least that's what I think it is.

Well...this morning, Pastor, who is just so precious and dear to me and I think anyone who's ever met him. [He's the President's father and he's like 76 or something. Precious!] He read down the list to a prayer request that one of our board members had sent in. The board member's husband's sister has terminal cancer and only has a few weeks to live.

After Pastor read the prayer request he just says so matter-a-factly and with such conviction like he truly believes it and doesn't doubt it, "Of course, God can change that." And then he just went on with other prayer requests.

It struck me and I wrote down what Pastor said. He didn't go searching for those words because he didn't make them up or say them to be more spiritual. He just knows it. He believes in the sovereignty of God and He believes that God is who He says He is. Such honest conviction.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Tragedy

So...it would take me forever to tel you how I found out about this guy. His name is Kyle Lake. He was the pastor of University Baptist Church in Waco, TX (www.ubc.org/kyle). He died on Sunday, October 30th from electrocution in a baptismal. Really sad. But...what a heart he had and what a life he led. Read the notes from his sermon from the Sunday prior to his death.


Live. And Live Well.BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply. Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now.On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun.If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE.Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time.If you bike, pedal HARD… and if you crash then crash well.Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done—a paper well-written, a project thoroughly completed, a play well-performed.If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year old’s nose, don’t be disgusted if the Kleenex didn’t catch it all… because soon he’ll be wiping his own.If you’ve recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well.At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you’re eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven. And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life. Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift.


It's so true isn't it. All of it. I imagine he was the kind of man to live life to the fullest. Don't you think? Hope I am. Love you all.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Changing the name

Okay, just to forwarn everyone, I'm going to change the name of my blog. I have some ideas, but nothing finalized yet. So when you pull up my blog and it doesn't say "Tallblondes" anymore, no worries. It's still me, just a new name. Just letting you guys know.

Well...while I'm here....Great weekend!

Unfortunately Friday night I was going to go see a movie with friends, but got one of my "headaches". I put it in quotes because they're special to me only. They're one of those almost migraines that makes me feel sick and medicine won't even touch it. I just have to go to bed. So I went to sleep on a Friday night at 8:30pm.

But Saturday was so fun. I went Christmas shopping with Joy and Holly. I know, you may be thinking that it's a little early, but I'm really trying to stick to my budget and that means not spending a whole heck of a lot of money all in one month, say December? I did well too! I got something for my sister, brother, and Pop Pop. During the afternoon, I cleaned my room and did some much needed reading. I also watched "A Few Good Men". Very good.

That night I went out to dinner with Jennie. We went to BD Mongolian. A Mongolian Bar-B-Que place that is soooo good. And...we got a wonderful parking place right in front that only cost us $2.00 rather than the parking garage price of $7.00. We're good like that.

Sunday was interesting Sunday at church. Different and interesting. I mostly enjoyed getting to talk and know some different people that I didn't before. Afterall, the Christian life is about relationships, right? Then, Brynn and I out to lunch. So fun and had been way too long. She bought, so nice of her:)

That afternoon, you would have thought something went off in my brain or something. I was a cleaning machine. I think it's something that happens to all women. It's just like all of a sudden you want to clean out things and straighten up and organize and such. Now, these times do come very rarely, but when they come, don't get in my way!

I cleaned out the fridge and all the cabinets. I cut all the box tops for education things off. [I collecting them for my mom, she's a teacher.] I wiped down all the counters and the fridge. I made cupcakes (funfetti, my favorite!). I made dinner. I picked out things that I was going to make for dinner this week. I did two loads of dishes in the dishwasher and managed to get two bags of trash from all of this. This is where I need a man-to take the garbage out. I love it when I'm home because my dad or my brother does it. They just know that that is their job to do and it's great. I wish someone would take out my trash.

And through this whole weekend, God has reminded that I am very blessed. I have incredible friends that care about me and want to spend time with me. Could I ask for anything better?

Oh, I was reading Donald Miller's book "Blue Like Jazz" this morning at the gym. It's very good, but controversial. I like that it's controversial though:) Anyway, God hit me so hard reading a part of this book. There I am riding the bike and BAM out of nowhere comes conviction. It was talking about trying to "fix" people. [I know I've talked about this before, but it seems to be an ongoing lesson. It appears I haven't "fixed" it yet:)] Donald was saying that you can tell people all you want, but if in your heart there is not a true love for them then everything you're saying just sounds dumb and people will look at you like you're stupid and don't care about them. This has been happening to me and thus, I realized, "Hey, you still need to work on this Kathryn." So...still working on it. Please be patient:)

Friday, November 04, 2005

Inspired by Amy

Things that I love:

1. German Chocolate Cake Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins
2. Swinging my feet
3. Ultimate frisbee
4. My down comforter on my bed
5. Gingerbread lattes from Starbucks
6. Watching a good movie
7. Songs that say exactly what I've been trying to say for ever
8. The Rocky Mountains
9. The airport/flying
10. Sweet Tea

Things that I don't love so much:
1. Eggs
2. Headaches
3. Surface-level relationships/friendships
4. Not getting at least 7 hours of sleep
5. Deadlines
6. Not having sweet in full abundance
7. Baked things that are bought from a store
8. Creepy men
9. Diet sodas
10. Scary movies

There you have it. Thank you Amy for the inspiration!

A Life that transcends

I was reading an article from www.relevantmagazine.com called "Ruined". Incredible. And so true. I think that everyone else can really just put my thoughts into words. It's amazing! Read the following and be as excited as I was/am!

In the book Dangerous Wonder Mike Yacconelli writes, "I'm ready for a Christianity that ruins my life, that catures my heart and makes me uncomfortable." At times, we all need to be ruined; we need to let God disrupt our lives-taking us to a place of absolute need. Following Jesus was never meant to be the safe alternative to an unpredictable life; following Jesus is inherently life-altering, deconstructive and always evolving.

Authentic spiritual formation involves Gof actively tearing down the walls and ripping out the guts of our weak-minded, self-willed faith to make room for something incredibly powerful, something innately beautiful and something completely other.

Our churches and our relationships are radically changed when we are given license to be broken; in a way, when we uncover our weakness we are celebrating a liberating promise that God will show up in our lives-that we need Him. We need to give each other some slack, making room for our shortcomings and creating environments that nurture raw faith.

In many ways, I think God is anxiously waiting for our weakneses to emerge so His power can penetrate our safe attempts at Christianity. Revealing your weakness is not safe, but following Jesus was never meant to be safe, in fact, following Jesus will probably ruin your life, in a good way. What will it ruin? It will ruin your ability to keep pretending; it will tear down your ability to live in this world without caring for it, and it will utterly ruin your chances of living-out your days as a fugitive hiding from grace.

I just love it. That's exactly how I feel and thanks to Brian Orme I can now express it.

I was driving in my car the other night on my way home from Starbucks. And I thought, "There's nothing in this world or anyone in this world who can make my heart feel like it does for Jesus. Nothing" I sat there and just smiled, completely overjoyed at it all. It's hard to wrap my mind around it, but I don't have to. It's for me and Him. I just love Him. I can't help it.

Let me explain real quickly why I was at Starbucks, or rather why I haven't been there in a long time. Used to, at least once a week I would go t Starbucks at Arapahoe Crossing with my headphones, a book, my Bible, my journal, a pen and a white chocolate mocha and just be by myself. Well...I haven't done that in weeks. I had something on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night every week. I realized this weekend that I was craving alone time. Although I am outgoing, I am really an introvert, needing to be by myself to regroup and reenergize. I needed this badly. So I made a decision. I was going to something at church every Wednesday night. And as great as this was, I had to make a choice about what I needed most. I had to think about me. I needed alone time so I have decided not to do the Wednesday night thing anymore. I am replacing it with my date at Starbucks weekly. I already feel great and it helped me to refocus again. [Always good.]

Well...toodles. Back to work. Another day, another nickel. :)

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Arms around you

Last night I went to see Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman in concert. Louie Giglio also spoke. Amazing! It was so good. It was awesome to throw everything aside and just stand before the Lord in worship. And to hear corporate worship, so good. Thankfully God opened my eyes to see the hugeness (is that a word?) of Him.

It was a fun time with friends and even people I didn't know. At one point Chris Tomlin had everyone put their arms around each other and sing together. I know, you have to be thinking what I was thinking, "I feel kind of silly doing this." But after I got over feeling stupid, I was going along with everyone else with my arms around my friends shoulders and some girl I didn't know. But...as I stood there singing I was thinking about the fact that even though I didn't know this girl, we are sisters. And surprisingly, I didn't feel awkward, it felt God-ordained if you will. Hard to explain, but just another instance where God shows me what it means to be a part of a family of believers.

Tonight, I'm doing nothing. I am working out, eating dinner, and going to Starbucks to read and journal and hang out by myself, something I haven't done in weeks and I'm aching for it.