Goal accomplished-what's next?

I ran my first half marathon on Sunday and I did it with my dad. He flew out to Colorado on Friday and we hung out all weekend going to a Board of Directors dinner at KBM and then piddled around on Saturaday and watched the Arkansas/Alabama game (what an upset!).

He and I left on Sunday morning at 6:00am to drive to Boulder with the race starting at 8:00am. It took me 2 hours and 17 minutes. 13.1 miles! The bigger thing to me isn't that I ran that distance but that I ran for over two hours! I mean who does that much cardio in one day! But it was a lot of fun and I'm so glad I did it! It was one of my personal goals for 2006 and it's accomplished!

What do I do next? Marathon? Triathalon? Dad said NOT to call him when I decide to do a marathon (he's already done one!). I really am a goal addict. :)

No Angst

I noticed something about myself this morning and last night. Here I am leaving this life that I've worked so hard to build for myself. I've worked at building lasting relationships with people here in Colorado and here I am leaving it not even two years later. I started working with the high school girls in January of this year only to leave it in October. I have been working at this job for about a year and half working my way through the organization trying to show people that I can do this job and I can do it well. I have finally gotten to the place with people that they not only respect me but they love me, truly care for me and believe in me. And now I'm leaving it.

But there is a peace that is all around me and all over me and around me.

I am at a job where I've been given a lot of responsibilities that most 24 year olds would only dream about this early in their career. I'm thankful and honored. And right now I am training others to do what I've worked so hard to do. I'm passing on the baton. I'm training others to do my job.

I have been recruiting girlfriends of mine in the church to start working with the high school girls because they need someone after I leave. Last night we had a fellowship night with about 90 students there (that's huge since there was only about 15 coming in March!). These girls showed up last night ready to meet the girls and hang out with them. The youth were excited. I was introducing and trying to make people feel comfortable with each other. I stood there looking around realizing that I am passing on the baton there as well. I will always love those youth girls and they will keep a special place in my heart, but the time will come when they will be going to these new helpers for advice and laughter instead of me.

The thing about both of these situations is that I am not jealous of the others coming in to take my place. I don't really feel like it's my place to take. That peace that I was talking about is telling me over and over again that my time here is up. I don't feel angst about it. I am happy to see others carrying it on. I don't always understand it, but God is moving me forwards to do something else. I know pieces of what that is.

It's just wonderful to see how God has grown in me and brought me to this point. It wonderful to see how, although I am leaving and was worried about who will do what I've been doing, there was no need, God is providing and more abundantly than any of us had thought or imagined. Funny huh...how He always does that!

A brother's mercy

Since Friday night there has been a tugging on my heart of conviction. Thursday night I called a brother out. I did it in front of everyone. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done it in front of others. I shouldn't have done it the way I did. I shouldn't have done it all. I was completely wrong!

Most of Friday I was still trying to justify my actions. It wasn't until Friday night that I started thinking, I have just damaged something here. And Saturday morning while talking to a friend, I knew that I needed to apologize, I just didn't want to because of a lot of other issues. God was breaking me, but I wasn't broken yet.

Sunday morning's sermon was on loving the least of these; loving sinners. I knew right from the start that this message was speaking directly to me so I opened my heart and told God to hit right where it hurt. He had something to tell me and I wanted to listen and hear it!

And boy did He speak! I was so convicted that me, this person in "ministry" was horrible at loving the least of these. The fact is, I don't know that many people that aren't Christians. I pretty much love those people that are like me. They're the easiest to love you know. But hey, didn't Jesus talk something about loving those that are easy to love vs. loving those that are hard to love? Yeah, I think He did.

I am a religious person.

Sunday afternoon I was watching a movie that a friend let me borrow, "Luther". (Very good btw.) I saw Luther reaching out to people and loving on them despite what the church said he should be doing as someone in clergy. There is was again.

And finally I was broken. I needed forgiveness, not only from God but from this brother of mine.

I wanted to meet with him in person but wouldn't see him for a few more days so I gave him a call and asked for his forgiveness, which he freely gave. I thought that would probably be the end of the whole conversation. He asked why I was doing and I explained. And then he blew me away. In a moment where he had every right to scold me and bury me with shame he showered mercy and grace on me and even encouraged me. I was so stunned and shocked that I couldn't say anything. In those few little words that he spoke to me I experienced Christ through someone else like I have NEVER felt or seen in my entire life. Isn't that the perfect representation of Christ?

Afterwards it made me laugh because even after I thought I had "learned the lesson" God was still teaching me. He showed me that yes, I am way too judgmental of most of everyone and have an incredible pride about me that does not glorify God and further the Kingdom. If anything, it damages it and pushes people away. That is not my intent ever, if anything, I want to push people towards God and the love that He has for them. But in my own attempts I fail and bring shame instead of succeed and bring glory.

But today is a new day and God is full of grace and mercy for me and my faults for which I am incredibly thankful!

Something of it all

Yesterday forced me to do a lot of thinking and pondering on a few things, mainly my relationship with God. The service at church was convicting for me on a few levels. Our worship leader talked about how if we don't look at God as our all and completely enough for us and we value anything more than we value God than we are serving a different God. It kind of annoyed me at first, but he's right. It's idolatry. What or whomever I love more, care about more, think about more, live for more, that is what or who I love more. That or who is the God I truly serve. For me a lot of times it's exercise. I think a lot of people would say that it's sleep. I don't have trouble with getting up early in the morning, I struggle with spending too much time worrying about getting enough cardio in before I worry about spending time with God. And you would have thought that maybe my lack of time with God has something to do with my lack of self-control, which is why I eat more than I should leading to the reason I have to do more cardio than any sane person should ever do! It's a cycle that keeps repeating itself.

All of that was before the sermon even started. Then came good ol' Jim. He spoke about sheeps and goats (way more to it than I'm telling you). But my heart was focused on something that he said briefly about martyrs in this world. He was talking about them in a different mindset but said something little about how they do what they do because they are truly burdened for the hearts of men. They hate what God hates and they love what He loves. I tell you this is something I struggle with a lot! I love people so much but I get so frustrated with them. All different walks of life and I get so annoyed. I know that THIS is not from God. This is not a heart that is like the Lord's. This is not a heart that is burdened for the hearts of other men. This is not a heart that loves what He loves and hates what He hates. But I want it to be.

My God is a god of love. My God IS love. To know God is to know love. God did so much in my heart yesterday and spoke to me about my own life and my relationshiip with Him.

I have been so focused on spending time with people here before I leave that I have forgotten the most important relationship I have. I have spent a ton of time with people lately but it has been wasted. I have not gone to the source first and foremost, therefore not able to love people the way I should and not being able to give out of the overflow of my heart. I've been trying to reach into my reserve. I have not gone into this time with people with purpose. I've just been existing with them and not giving it my best or my all. I have wasted it. I'm sorry.

Trying to refocus here and get back on track. All is wasted without having been developing that FIRST relationship.

I'm narrowing what people group I'm working with. It's exciting!

Morroccan

I went with my friends, Caleb and Jessica Bislow, to Mataam Fez's (a Morroccan place) for dinner Wednesday night! I was so excited to go because I love to try things that are really different, especially culturally! It was so great! We had to take our shoes off, which was so nice after a day at work and then sit on big fluffy pillows indian style. It's a five-course meal with soup and bread, a sort of salad taster things, a "sweet appetizer" that was to die for, then your main course (I got a cornish hen baked with honey, peaches and almonds and then some veggies and cous cous (which I love!)), and then your dessert which was some fruit and mint tea! Everything was delicious and so laid back. I told them, "this would make a great first date place!". It really would. All you guys out there, take note, not just for me but for any time in the future that you want to take a girl out! It was so fun and the food was delicious:)

Pics from the weekend!

Okay so we went to the Taste of Colorado and then to the Aquarium for dinner. Delicious food everywhere we went! Basically a bunch of pics of me and my friends. There are a couple that need noting though. All I wanted the whole day was corn on the cob. So...I got some and it was everything I hoped it would be and more! It was drenched in butter and lots of salt and oh so good! Ok there's a pic of me and Mike with our tamborine man! This guy was at the Karaoke place we went to on Saturday night! He was there wearing the same thing singing the same song that he sang at Taste of Colorado! His tamborine and all! Mike and I just had to get a picture with him although he doesn't know it:) Who plays a tamborine anymore?

What a great weekend!

I know this comes a little late but I just got time! I had such a wonderful Labor Day weekend. I hung out with friends all weekend going out to eat, karaoke, making them dinner, and just laughing about when we were young. It was hilarious! (Pics to come later!)

I had my yard sale on Saturday morning. It was a success in my book cause I made some good money. Although I only sold about half of my stuff. So...I'm doing it again this Saturday and after this weekend I'll just give everything away.

Friday night was more emotional than I thought it would be with me pulling out everything I was going to sell. And Saturday, the stuff that hardest for me to sell was all of my kitchen stuff. I love to cook and bake for people so much and it's such a huge part of my life. It was hard to sell it each time. I just looked at all of this stuff that I had been given as gifts or I had accumulated through the years and it was kind of sad. But you'll notice I keep calling it "stuff" and that's all it is. It's just "stuff". It's replaceable and not a big deal really. It's just something I'm working on taking out of my life in preparation for the next chapter and hopefully all of my future. I definitely don't want to known as a person who likes "stuff" and loves to spend money on junk, which is what I'm known for now. I want to not only invest my time in people but I want to invest my money in people and things that really matter.

Sure stuff is nice to have and it makes me look important and feel important but it doesn't make me important. What are thoughts and feelings when you don't have the facts to back it up? So...working on getting rid of "stuff".

I have bought my ticket to Orlando and I have my schedule and I am on my way! God is definitely good to me. So thankful!

Pray for me, I haven't been feeling well. Thanks!

One day...

Oldies but goodies and still very special!

Kristen's wedding!

Well...a picture of the whole eXodus group. Then me and some of the honorary bridesmaid upholding a tradition of picking up the bride! And a picture of me plunging the toilet in the bride's cottage before the wedding even started! No I did not clog it! Someone else did, but the bride had to use the bathroom and she was already dressed, so I did it. Good times!

Friends: Old and New

This is the rehearsal dinner and the lingerie shower for Kristen's wedding last weekend. I think you can figure out which one is which!

Me and the fam for Chris' 17th birthday!

Time in Charleston!

God has done it again!

I know that some of you know the details of what's been going on in my life. I'll explain more...

I was looking between two different missions agencies of who to go with to East Asia. I have decided on one and very excited about it! This agency is support-based and their training in October (which I'm required to go to) costs $450 and then there's a flight there. I don't have this money, nor will I. So I was praying that God would provide it for me and that He would just give it to me!

He did! I shared my need with people around me and with my small group and prayer partners. Last night after the study was over at small group they presented me with a card and $805 to pay for the training and flight to the place! I couldn't believe it! I sat there shocked and my body limp from shock. I sobbed like a baby! I was just so overwhelmed and overcome by the care of each of them. I really was just overwhelmed that people would do that for me! It was so loving and so thoughtful and so God! I never doubted that He would provide, never! I just had no idea how He would go about it, you know?

This whole journey has been one of faith and it continues to hold to that. God has already been sending me monthly supporters for this next journey and I haven't even completely signed on yet. God's hand is in this and it's so awesome to see Him working everything out and before I even get to attempt it myself!

Praise God for His faithfulness yet again in my life!