Loving who God made me

I have just returned from Orlando, FL where I underwent some training before I head overseas.  I cannot describe to you the rollercoaster of emotions that I experienced.  I went into last week with expectations that were not met.  What happened exceeded my expectations and more!

 

I had a meeting with my Member Care guy on Tuesday.  I had no idea what we were going to talk about, but I do know that we did not talk about member care!  The Holy Spirit was leading him that afternoon and he confronted me and challenged me on my way of thinking and some of my habits.  I had never met the guy before and still I could not believe how on target he was.  I even asked how he knew all of what he said.  At that time I felt I was being attacked and resented him for it, I mean who did he think he was?  As I sat there in his office overcome with emotion and the tears rolling, all I could think of was how much of a mess I was and what was I thinking spending the next two years wanting to tell others of Jesus' love in a far off land?  How was I ever going to that?

 

Did you catch the "I"?

 

I came back to my room after some other meetings that afternoon where I discovered that I'm still a mess an dmoving forward into an even deeper mess.  There was one of my roommates that I had just met for the first time the night before.  She innocently asked me about a book I was reading.  My own response surprised when I answered with a shaky voice.  Why was I so emotional?  This wasn't like me.  But I had been shedding tears all day.  She insisted that we sit down and talk.  I told her everything, from October and on, from high school and on.  (You betcha, this was a long convo!)  And she so graciously sat there and listened to all of it.  I'm sure she couldn't understand half of what I was saying through all of the crying, but she tried her best! 

 

Thursday brought about another very important meeting.  Throughout the whoel week we had been discussing some assessments we had done about our personalities, our gifts, our learning types/structures, our preferences, what we like to delegate to others, our leadership styles, etc.  I knew what it was going to say.  My interpretation of my personality, gifts, leadership style, etc. was harsh.  It wasn't feminine and never has been.  My personality type is an ISTJ: Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging.  Only 5% of the population has this personality type and about 95% of that 5% are men!  I am definitely a minority.  Needlesstosay, i was not looking forward to the outcome of all of this; I had heard it all before!

 

Again, I was surprised!  As the ladies gathered all of my assessments together and processed them we came to some wonderful conflusions!  The whole point of this is that you see what your best contribution is for the team that you're apart of.  After much discussion and talking through some questions we came up with three major contributions that I can have to any team as well as to life in general.  One, is a Life Coach, which I love!  This encorporates my passions and deep into my heart.  Second, is a Project Designer: Vision Implementation.  This encorporates my gifts and abilities/skills.  And lastly is a Creative Planner.  I am still discovering this one as it's new in my life, but it basically means to build bridges in forming relationships in creative ways. 

 

I went into this meeting hating my personality and my gifts and left knowing hope and finally seeing and hearing what God and everyone else have been telling me my whole: "You are wondefully made and for a purpose.  You are unique!"  You're right, I'm not like most people, I'm not like most women.  I'm me and I'm finally glad about that! 

 

I feel like this revelation in my life is what will usher me into the next part of my life and that is to allow people to truly know who I am.  Before, I knew who I was but wasn't proud of it.  Now, come and see!

 

God is so good and so faithful.  At the end of this week all I could see and hear was God telling me, "This is it Kathryn!  You've got it!"  Finally:)