Friday, December 30, 2005

A Whirlwind of a time...yet missing it

So...I am back from NYC.  Yeah, my parents took the fam for part of our Christmas.  We left Monday morning and got back late last night.  We had a great time despite the freezing weather and the rain.  I saw "Phantom of the Opera" for the first time and loved it!!!!!!!!  It was wonderful and has now taken over as my favorite Broadway musical, moving Les Miserables down to second place.  Both are incredible though!  And the food in NY.  WOW!  I did eat well, very well, too well.  We had Italian three times and I loved every ounce of it.  The most delicious ever!  We went to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island on Tuesday.  Wednesday we went shopping and walked a lot. We went to Chinatown, where I felt like I was really in China!  We also went to Little Italy where I think I saw some guys from the MOB!  Thursday was our last day and we went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Today show, NBC store, Rockefellar Center and the airport.  Good times!
 
Christmas was great and wonderful to spend with family and friends and have traditions.  I love traditions.  I've thought up some that I would like to start.
 
Yet missing it...unfortunately I feel like I missed it.  I missed the point of it.  It was there, we read Luke 2 as a family (a tradition we do on Christmas Eve before any presents are opened).  The problem was, I wasn't looking for it.  I wasn't focused on it.  It was my fault.  I missed it.  It's sad.  I'm sad.  But I'm reminded, God forgives, I'm not to constantly feel guilty about it.  Ask for forgiveness and then swim in the forgiveness He gives. 
 
How do you stop from missing it?  I really need to think through this for next year.  I want to be ready.  I want to be watching and waiting for it, ready not to miss it!
 
And so...I go back to Denver, hopefully  no delays flying in and I go back to work on Monday.  The office is actually closed, but I have a lot to do before my intern arrives on Tuesday!  Aaaggghhhhh!!!!!  I'm already stressed about it all.  This is my first Institute run by me alone.  It's a little nerveracking and kind of overwhelming.  But God is good.  I am here for such a time as this and He would not have put me here had He not known that I could do it and do it well.  So here goes. 
 
Forgive me if you don't hear from me or get regular posts on here over the next three months.  I'll be busy with 8 students and traveling overseas and such.  I'll post as much as possible!
 
Happy New Year to you all!  Anyone got any good New Year's resolutions?  I've got one....so far.

 

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Dreams for life

After a fun and exhausting weekend in Charleston filled with weddings and parties, family and an aunt that made me cry as she reminded me so much of my grandmama in every possible way, I came home to North Carolina. I have since, not done a whole lot, which has been nice, but regrettably have felt like I've wasted part of the time...until today.

Today I was tempted to once again, just mill around and find things that I could waste my time with. But instead I went to Starbucks in anticipation of doing some work for work. But my computer would not connect to the wireless. I think it was the Lord leading me in another direction. There I sat, stranded at Starbucks, not being able to leave until my sister came to pick me up at 2:30 and didn't know what to do with myself.

I was reminded of a book I'm reading and the exercises that go along with it. I have actually tried to read this book a couple of times and couldn't do it. But I picked it up recently and am not just getting through it, but really loving it and learning a lot. I wasn't ready for it every other time I read it.

It's called "The Dream Cycle" by Steve Moore. Really good and a worthwhile one to read, especially if you're as passionate as I am about dreams. I'm not talking about dreams like ones that you have while you're sleeping. I'm talking about the ones that truly matter in life. These are the ones that God has had in you since before you were born. They were created and put in you for a distinct purpose that is surrounded by and in the cross.

Lately, I have been praying and thinking and journaling about what I really want. I don't know what I want. I've been struggling with it. What are my goals? What are my passions? What are my dreams? What are the things that I feel burdened with? What are my fears? What do I want in a husband? What do I want to leave a legacy about? I don't know. I don't know any of these and it really bothered me. I think I used to. Or rather, I thought I did. Either they've all majorly changed or I'm just waking up and realizing that I'm still trying to figure it all out. Which is fine. I don't know have to know it all right now. It comes with time and experiences and that excited me.

But I sat there today in Starbucks praying and asking the Lord what my dreams were. What did he want for me in a husband? What were my fears? What am I passionate about? What will my legacy be? Or what do I want it to be? And He gave me answers. He gave me lots of them. Some of them I have never heard before spoken in conjunction with my name. They were amazing. Some of them, I knew all along. I won't share them here. But if you want to know them, ask and I'll tell you. I don't know them all, but it was a great start and has me excited to see what He holds for me.

Why sit by and hope that I grow towards my dreams when I can do something to make it happen?

Merry Christmas all. I truly love each one of you that read this blog.

Monday, December 19, 2005

All the sugar you can drink!

So I'm back home again for the last time in 2005 and for the last time in a long while. I flew into Charleston, SC Thursday night. It took them an hour to get my luggage off the plane. I mean really!

Friday morning was the Bridal Brunch at a yummy restaurant on Queen St. called Poogan's Porch. I had the best french toast I've ever put in my mouth along with the best cheese grits. I also had buttermilk biscuits, sweet tea, bacon and eggs. Others who didn't choose the french toast got shrimp and grits with poached eggs. Also very good shrimp and grits!

The afternoon was spent shopping for deals, which I found! And that evening we had the rehearsal and then the rehearsal dinner at the Crab Shack. Fried shrimp with hush puppies, corn on the cob, and potatoes with yummy sweet tea!

Saturday morning started off with breakfast at Starbucks as well as a walk around the city to burn off that! Then we had to be at the church downtown for pictures. Everyone was running late, of course and we didn't get to the church on time. My sweet daddy took me, all the bridesmaids and the bride to the church. He was so sweet to be patient and endure us. I also managed to run into a friend from high school who was also getting married that eveing. Small world!

I was given the privelage of reading 1 Corinthians 13 during the wedding ceremony. I don't think anyone was listening or paying attention though. All the bridesmaids were whispering while I was reading because the maid of honor had forgotten the wedding ring. So as soon as I got done reading they sent me running down the aisle to go look for the ring. It's all on video too! But I found it and we played "pass the ring" up the aisles and through each bridesmaid all the way to the maid of honor. It made for a funny moment!

The reception by far had the best food I've ever eaten at a reception. You have to remember we're in the South and on the coast. We had crab cakes, boiled shrimp with cocktail sauce, spinach/artichoke dip, meatballs, chicken on skewers, some other stuff, and THE BEST SHRIMP AND GRITS I'VE EVER EATEN, EVER!!!!!! I think I had three helpings of the shrimp and grits. The lady who was making them was making them right there and they brought her in just to make them. They were delicious!

There was some dancing, to which I didn't partake much of. But my mom! I don't know what got into her, maybe a little too much champayne! She was so funny! She was dancing out there with my other crazy aunts and my cousins and just breakin' it down best she could! It was great!

I think the best part of the whole weekend was seeing all the family together and having a great time. My Aunt Martha from Augusta came up. She's my grandmother's sister. It was great to have her there because we haven't seen her since my grandmother's funeral 7 years ago. And it was like she was representing Grandmama. Aunt Martha looks like her and acts like her and gives my Pop-Pop stupid looks like my Grandmama used to do:) It made all the grandkids cry just seeing her walk down the aisle with the seating of the grandmothers and watch her sit where Grandmama would have sat had she been here. It was nice.

I also had a great conversation with my mother on the drive back to NC yesterday. She was telling me all about her family history, which was so fascinating. She was telling me that her grandfather, Jasper McDaniel, used to serve in the House of Representatives with Strom Thurmond and they used to be good friends. There's so much more, but it would take me forever, and you really don't care. But it was so neat to hear all about it. Now I wish I had talked to my Grandmama more about her life as a child and learned more about it. But I'm planning on going to visit Aunt Martha when I can.

So I'm home now and drinking sweet tea way too much! I'm doing a little more Christmas shopping today with my friend, Ruthanne. I'm excited to spend time with her and laugh our heads off, which we always do!

Well, happy trails to you! (It goes with a tune.)

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Well...cool reading again this morning!

"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service." 1 Timothy 1:12

It dawned on me..."that he considered me faithful, appointme to his service." Does this mean that because Paul was faithful, God appointed him to serve Him?

And...something to bring my post from Monday together with today's.

"But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and recieve eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:16

Remember how I was talking about Edmund from "The Chronicles of Narnia"? I think this verse lines up with what I was trying to say, a little bit:) Paul, the worst of sinners (which suggests that there is a degree to your sinfulness) then became a believer out of Christ's patience so that He would get glory. Edmund was similar. He disobeyed. He betrayed. He was the worst of the children. But Aslan (Christ) had mercy on him and patience and thus, was given glory through him.

Just some thoughts that I have been thinking through...

As with Edmund...people who have lived in darkness, essentially all of us, but some, if you will, have really lived it more than other, if you know what I mean, I think understand the gift they have been given more than those who had life great and weren't living in darkness as much (bear with me:)). Do you know what I mean? They know that they NEVER want to return to that life. Others, don't have a dramatic tesitmony and they were in spiritual darkness, but life was great otherwise and thus, I believe that the difference between darkness and light is not as obvious for them.

I still don't think I've conveyed what I wanted to very well. Maybe today' and Monday's will come together and you can understand what I'm saying. I think all of what I said can be true for Edmund as compared to his siblings. Maybe just a measure of gratitude.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

This is God's will for you in Christ Jesus

I was reading 1 Thessalonians 5:16 last night and there were two things that really struck me about this verse.

First, both this verse, 5:16 and James 5:16 talk about prayer at some point. Thought that was interesting and most sureably not a coincidence:)

The other is what it says in the verse...

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16
The part that I wan to point is the the part that says, "this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". There you have, that is God's will for you and for me as Christ-followers, to be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances.
Now...another thing that struck me was the word "joyful". Last Thursday in eXodus we were discussing the book we're reading, "Celebration of Discipline" and we were talking about joy and what that is compared to "happiness". In my book I had written, "Happiness is based on circumstances and joy is based on truth." I was reading the commentary on 1 Thess. 5:16 and it was referring to the "be joyful always" part and said, "...the Christian's joy is not dependent on circumstances. It comes from what Christ has done, and it is constant."
Our joy is not based on circumstances or anything that we can do or have done. It is based on what Christ has done for us. Kind of like us being forgiven and accepted into His Holy Kingdom. Look at the end of that commentary as well. It says that it is constant. WOW!
So...there you have it, this has proven true...if you really sit down to study even one verse you can get so much out of it. I feel like I got a whole sermon out of this one verse.
It is well with my soul.

Monday, December 12, 2005

A Wonderful Moment!

So I went and saw "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" last night with the youth group. First, let me say that the movie was really good. Really. The analogies between this and the gospels were amazing! And there were so many of them! But one of the most wonderful moments to me was when Aslan is on the Stone Table and Lucy and Susan are watching him be shaved and tied up and laying on the table and he looks at them. His eyes were so gentle and filled with love for them. Aslan also had those eyes when he was looking at Edmund when he came out of the tent with the White Witch. He looked at them with unconditional love. He knew what he was doing. It made me cry. The whole scene at the Stone Table hit me hard.

I have always understood the sacrifice that Christ made for me, at least as much as I could understand. But because of the scene in the movie, I understood a little better. Everything I would explain here, you already know. It touched my heart in a very special way and made me all the more grateful for the sacrifice that Christ made for me.

Our youth minister asked the youth who they would be if they could choose to be any one of the four children. He said he wouldn't choose because he didn't have to, it was already chosen for him. That was good. But I thought about it some more and I would choose to be Edmund. Although he did betray them and had to go through all of the junk that he went through with the White Witch and seeing Mr. Tomnus in jail and everything, I think he understood some things a little better.

He saw the consequences of his actions and felt remorse. He saw the dark side. He realized what his betrayal did to himself and to others. So when Aslan made the sacrifice for him, I don't know that he understood why all that much, but he surely had a better appreciation for it. His heart was forever changed and as the movie shows, he was forever changed.

You know, before I went to youth last night I prayed that God would allow me to be able to meet the girls that were there and start to build relationships with them. He answered that prayer. I think I met every girl there and got to talk to most of them more than just a "hello". Admittedly, it was nerve-racking for me cause I'm not used to working with youth. I'm used to children who think you're the best no matter what you do:) But I had so much fun and I got to know a youth worker a lot better, which was wonderful. God went ahead of me there as He said He would!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Reasons

So...overseas ministry. Why is this so appealling? Well....I have many reasons, but I think one of the top ones for me is the chance to finally live a life completely dependent on Christ for everything. When I travel overseas for missions purposes I feel God closer to me than most any other time. I have to ask myself why?

When I'm home I'm so distracted by "life" and responsibilities and TV and depending on people around me. But when I'm overseas I'm struck by the hopelessness that is all around these people. I'm struck by my own selfishness and greed. It's not like there aren't hopeless people in America or that I don't ever see my selfishness and greed here, but it's all just flashing at me when I leave here.

I'm finally not distracted and I'm not running around like crazy just trying to survive life. I am in that country for a purpose and I know what that purpose is. I'm focused on a goal. I see it in front of me. And at the same time I know that although God put me there, I cannot do it alone. It need Him and I don't want to do it without Him. There's this hunger that's indescribable. Your eyes are opened and your heart is ready. I can't really explain it. If you've ever been on missions trips overseas before you know what I'm talking about.

All of this to say, I think all of us hunger for something like this in our walks with God. We talk about wanting to be completely dependent on Christ for everything, but the reality is that we don't have to be while living in the US (at least we don't think we do), it's only when we leave this place and get into places out of our comfort zone and places where we see Christ alive, really alive in people's hearts and lives that we truly depend on Him. We have no other choice. That's why it's so appealling to me. I want that. I do.

Lovin' life...

Monday, December 05, 2005

Refreshment

Well...last blog said "Here I go". And I went! I'm still going!

This weekend got better as it went on! Saturday night I had the ladies over for dinner and girl time. It was so much fun! You can't beat time with the ladies:) Then Sunday, man was worship time amazing! And I had coffee with my friend, Cerise, which was by far the highlight of my day as it brought incredible encouragement for me and a much needed convo talking about vision. Wonderful! Last started my first night working with the youth at my church. It was so much fun. And boy was I exhausted afterwards. I went straight to bed when I got home:) Big surprise I know. It was a total God-thin that I'm working with the youth and it was confirmed that I had heard God correctly over and over last night. That's always nice:)

The refreshment that I'm talking about it that I feel renewed and refreshed and on the right path again, the path of getting back to the intimacy I once shared with Christ. I'm can't wait to not only get there again, but surpass it and get even closer! God is truly so good to me.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Visions

I have been going through a spiritual dry spell lately. How long has this been happening? Too long, one day is too long! But I've been having visions lately. No, not hallucination visions. But God has been running so many memories and visions through my mind lately that it has awakened me or rather awakened my heart for Him.

You know that song by Switchfoot off of the CD "The Beautiful Letdown"-"This is Your Life"? Well dang, I was at the gym Tuesday morning and I was lifting weights and the song came on the radio and I was listening to the words and it says something like "this is your life, is it what you want it to be". And out loud, I said "no".

No, this is not what I want my life to be. I don't know exactly what I want it to be as far as specifics, but I know what I don't want. I don't want this.

Please, hold on a sec. I love my life. I am way far beyond just blessed. I know I'm blessed and I have a great life. But what I'm talking about is referring more to my purpose here on this earth and what my Heavenly Father is calling me and who He's calling me to be. It's mostly who He's calling me to be.

Okay, I know I'll never be perfect this side of Heaven and I'm not trying to get pity out of anyone, I am just saying that I am not who I am meant to be at this point in my life and why? Because I haven't been trying. I haven't been working at this relationship. I haven't been searching and finding. It's my own fault.

No this is not what I want my life to be because I want my life to mean so much more than it does for the Kingdom. I want to make an impact and I think the only impact I'm making is on Starbucks (raising their profit margin for 2005). I want to leave that legacy.

But more than what others will see me as or remember me for, I want it for me. I want to wake up each morning fulfilling my purpose as a daughter of the King. God's been showing me who I could be and what I could do. He's given me those visions. He's calling me to something greater and I know what that something is. It's Him.

Here I go...