Monday, September 26, 2005

Home

You know that saying, "Home is where the heart is."? I am learning to understand that a little bit day by day.

I have been in South Carolina now for one week. And what a week it has been. I should put pictures up but I left my USB cable at the house. Whoops! Anyway, I have seen so many people and hung out and had a really good time. It has been wonderful to see people again and just share in their lives once again. And was great to go to New Spring yesterday morning for the first time since February! It was an amazing service and God was there and worked in His wonderful ways!

As this trip has been approaching I have been waiting in eager expectation for it and thinking of all of the great things that I would do and how wonderful it would be. I expected a lot and had dreams that were huge for it. I knew things wouldn't be the same as before, but I guess I didn't prepare myself for as huge a difference as there would be.

Instead of this feeling like "home", Colorado has become my home. I miss it and I've only been gone for one week. I miss being around people who know me for who I've become and not being around people who know me for who I used to be. [Of course, there are exceptions to this!] It's so hard to explain to someone you haven't seen in 9 months how much you have changed and what God has done in you, in just a few hours. There's not enough time. And although there are times when I am with my new friends in Colorado that I wish they knew a little bit about my past and knew different aspects about my personality, they know my present and can see God working in my day-by-day. It's just very different.

I have loved being here, please don't mistake what I said above as wishing I weren't here. I love being here, but I won't lie and say that it's been easy cause it hasn't. When I was about to graduate from college I kept telling people that I felt like my time was up here and I was meant to leave. And I was right. My time IS up here. I have moved on and as hard as that has been, it's been for the best and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I was having lunch with Sara and Lucas today and Sara asked me what I would be doing right now if I wasn't working and living in Colorado and quite frankly I don't have a clue in the world. It's so hard to imagine my life as anything other than what it is. I don't know where I would be working or what I would be doing, but I am thankful that God placed me in Denver, CO at Kingdom Building Ministries. It's wonderful!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I have arrived!

So...I'm here, finally. I'm in South Carolina.

My sister, Jenn, picked me up from the airport yesterday afternoon and I walked outside into what would be the last time that I would probably wear my hair down and it wouldn't look like a fro puff. It was most definitely very humid out. Yuck! But we went downtown Greenville to Trio's for dinner and then to Coffee Underground for dessert and coffee. Also very yummy.

She I walked around Greenville and talked and shared and had a great time. I spent the night with her at her dorm which was fun. I met her suitemates and hung out with them for a while. They're so sweet. She and I watched "Crash"-a very good movie on racism in America. It's neat because it shows racism from every angle. I recommend the movie, but warning-horrible language.

And this morning Jenn and I went to the Bagel Shop for breakfast-so good. And then she dropped me off at Matt and Sara's! It was so good to see them and I'm here now. We're just hanging out and enjoying each other. Their new baby, Lucas, is precious. And tonight we're going out for dinner!

Anyway, good times already and it's only just begun!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Winter already?

Ok, so it's freezing here. It was 49 degrees this morning and yesterday it was like 53 degrees all day! I was freezing and still am! I'm wearing a fleece and drinking hot chocolate. No more sandals, no more skirts. All I'm wearing is pants and I can't get warm for the life of me. I'm going to freeze to death when it finally hits winter here. Right now this is considered fall! There is snow on mountain peeks already. This is crazy. It's the middle of September. I really need to go shopping. I don't have any winter clothes. Really, I don't. No exaggeration. Promise. Wish me luck on the shopping venue. I think I've got this one though:) I'm a professional shopper, didn't you know? Heh! Heh! Whoo! Hoo! (Just for you Amy!)

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Obedience...Focus...Trust

I've learned a lot in the past couple of weeks, all of which mostly happened yesterday. Allow me to explain...

I had a horrible morning yesterday and really felt that I needed to spend a considerate amount of time with God and so I took a half a personal day and left work at noon. I headed to Barnes & Noble with my journal, headphones, and Bible. I've been reading through Acts, trying to soak up as much as possible about the early church. As I journaled I just poured out my heart to God telling him what I was going through [like He didn't already know].

Well...A lot came out of it. Okay, I'm going to be a little vulnerable here.

I was interested in this guy, who was not exactly great for me. It's a syndrome that I have really. I get attracted to guys that are really fun and crazy and show me a lot of attention and then I lie to myself about how great they are. Not that they aren't great guys, cause they are, but they aren't anywhere close to what I really want or even need. I was trying to explain this to a friend last night and she looked at me like I was insane and very judgmental. I didn't mean it that way at all. I'm just saying that I know what I want and what I want is a man completely devoted to Christ and the purpose that he was put here for. I want someone more devoted than I am. Someone who will push me and stretch me. At this point in my life I don't feel pushed or stretched from any direction and it gets frustrating. Needlesstosay, God showed me the error of my ways and while showing me that in this area He showed me that I not only settled here, but in other areas.

God had asked me to do something and sort of did it. I got close, but didn't actually do it and I thought that would be good enough. It wasn't. It never is. I settled for not having His best for me. But thankfully, I have changed that and moved on ahead in obedience.

Also...I am exhausted of having to always feel like I need to be strong and not back down and not give in. It was tiring and I was getting flack for it. Christians, the local church, were the ones that were constantly pushing me down in this and making it so hard. I just gave up and gave in and said, "Alright, I'll do it your way." That didn't work out and I'm thankful. I can't do mediocre. I can't back down. It's not the way I want to live my life and I'm not happy with it. I missed God in those days that I was doing that. I wasn't prepared to hear Him and I wasn't expecting too. I wonder if that's what other people go through all the time. I don't know. But I know I never want to be there again. Once you've tasted even a piece of freedom you never want to go back.

Sunday our pastor spoke on the local church and the best two sentences of the entire message were in reference to the local church and our role in it. He said, "It does not deserve your laziness. It does not deserve your apathy." Amen! I could not have agreed more. I just pray it got through to someone, anyone.

All of this to say, in my extended time with God yesterday He spoke to me and told me not to worry about tomorrow and that I needed to trust Him. I had not "lost" my focus, I had "put" it on other things.

I love the Lord more than anything and I don't want anything to ever be more important than He is. If so, I am not worthy to be His disciple. [Knife through the heart.] I want to reach the world for Christ and be dramatically transformed through the process. If you're not living for the purpose that He's put you here for, you're wasting your life-wasting it!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

He is-forever

He who hath led will lead
All through the wilderness,
He who hath fed will surely feed...
He who hath heard they cry
Will never close His ear,
He who hath marked thy faintest sigh
Will not forget thy tear.
He loveth always, faileth never,
So rest on Him today-forever
-Carmichael

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

What a weekend!

I mean...I had a great weekend. Friday night I just stayed home and watched movies. It was so relaxing and very much needed. I loved the chance. Saturday I went shopping!!!! Express had jeans on sale, which was wonderful and I got some great fall/winter clothes. I have to get prepared for this cold weather that I hear will be here in about a month. Everyone is telling me that we'll have the first snow by Halloween! I'm just not ready for coldness that quickly. What happened to fall?

Saturday I went to "A Taste of Colorado" with Jennie and Natalie. I skimped all day on food because I knew I was going to be eating good that and I was right. First of all, we arrived at around 6:30 only to find that people were already drunk. I mean really, it's not even dark yet. It was rediculous. But the food, aahhhhhhhhh! Delicious:) I had fried bananas, kettle corn, an avacado wrap, seseme chicken, roasted corn on the cob, and a very most delicious berry cabob covered in milk and white chocolate. Can you say heaven in my mouth? We also ran into some of my friends from church, Brian, Charlie, and Zack. Good to see them. Brian was eating a turkey leg, which was something I really wanted. But I had to control myself for fear that I would be the only woman in the whole place that was carrying one of those around gnawing on it:) Yummy!

Sunday was an incredible message at church about how we are not to strive to please God, but to trust Him and love Him with everything that we have. The graphics were great and the deliverer was awesome. It spoke volumes!

I had a great lunch with great friends with the sweetest of sweet tea that I have had since April when I left the South. Ssshhhh...don't tell anyone, but...it was too sweet. I can't believe I just said that. Sssshhh.

Sunday night was definitely the highlight of my weekend. I went swing dancing!!! I was a little apprehensive only because I've never done it but I'm glad I tried it. It was free dance lessons and then live band for dancing the night away. And boy did I dance. I got twirled and spun and dipped and slid around on the floor:) I was told we weren't going to be doing any aeirials so it was safe to wear a skirt. Well...the little spin on the floor involved my behind on the ground and my partner is spinning me around. Needlesstosay, me and the guys I was with became a lot closer that night:) It was so great! I want to go again and learn some more. It was so much fun!
Afterwards we stopped at Taco Bell at like 11:00 and got tacos. I felt like I was in college again, eating bad food late at night. But it was fun!

Labor Day involved me and Brynn having accountability and going shoe shopping! I got two pairs and they're so cute. They are both two types of shoes that I have never owned before. Sara, you would be proud:) And then we all had a bar-b-que at Brian and Zach's house. Good times were had by all! Can't wait 'til next weekend! Stay tuned.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Meetings, meetings, meetings

Well...I have spent 3.5 days of this work week in meetings. The other 1.5 days was spent organizing my office, in which I'm still not done. You should see it. Horendous! There are literally stacks of papers all over my floow and in all three of my office chairs. I'm ashamed really.

But as the new alumni coordinator for Kingdom Building Ministries I sent out my first letter! I was so nervous writing it, mainly because I'm just not very good at that stuff. Although, I can say with complete confidence that I am improving:) But I sent it out to let all the alumni know that I'm it now. I hope they receive it well. And I hope I do a good job.

I also had a wonderful meeting with the people at Grad school to get my MBA. I'm excited about it. I can start as early as the end of September! I really hope it works out and I can do it!

All of these changes this past week have given me a stye! (Sigh)

Well...toodles. I'm going home to hang and relax, but first I need to wash Jack (my car). Have a great Labor Day!