More learning...
So...last night. Well...a lot happened. It was actually really good and a very growing experience. A friend of mine told me that when he first met me I seemed very closed off. This, in conjunction with the comment that I got from another friend last week telling me that I seem like I don't have time for people has really got me thinking. Now, honestly, I'm thankful for both of these comments. It's got me thinking.
I have a tendency to talk through my thoughts, sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad. Hopefully last night was one of these good times:) I talked through it and have really just realized that I have worked hard for so many years to guard my heart with any guy, whomever he may be, that it has turned into more of a wall than anything. I've been told that this isn't good. So...I'm working on it.
It's definitely something that I'm trying to figure out and something that I'm asking God to show me how to do. I want to be open with people and not hide my heart, but I've done it for so long that it's hard to come out of it. I need to find a balance and that's easier said than done. I also need to quit trying to make people think that I have it all together and that I'm organized and know what I want and where I want to go in life. I'm just as confused as anyone else is!
Amy, you know that song on Nicole Nordeman's "Woven and Spun" CD? Number 7? You pointed out to me the summer of 2003. You told me about what it meant to you and how it helped you. Well...I just keep thinking about that song. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about. It's about not having to live up to people's expectations and realizing that you don't have to pretend that life is grand. Live in what you have and who you are. God is there. Good idea. I think I'll try that.
Here we go again...pride being squashed! Will this ever end? Hope not!
I have a tendency to talk through my thoughts, sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad. Hopefully last night was one of these good times:) I talked through it and have really just realized that I have worked hard for so many years to guard my heart with any guy, whomever he may be, that it has turned into more of a wall than anything. I've been told that this isn't good. So...I'm working on it.
It's definitely something that I'm trying to figure out and something that I'm asking God to show me how to do. I want to be open with people and not hide my heart, but I've done it for so long that it's hard to come out of it. I need to find a balance and that's easier said than done. I also need to quit trying to make people think that I have it all together and that I'm organized and know what I want and where I want to go in life. I'm just as confused as anyone else is!
Amy, you know that song on Nicole Nordeman's "Woven and Spun" CD? Number 7? You pointed out to me the summer of 2003. You told me about what it meant to you and how it helped you. Well...I just keep thinking about that song. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about. It's about not having to live up to people's expectations and realizing that you don't have to pretend that life is grand. Live in what you have and who you are. God is there. Good idea. I think I'll try that.
Here we go again...pride being squashed! Will this ever end? Hope not!
3 Comments:
Ahh...I love that song. I will never forget the night I was driving home from IWU and really *heard* it for the first time...I sat there sobbing with it on repeat.
Inviting and accepting constructive criticism--even if it's true--is one of my biggest weaknesses. So I am PROUD of you (a good kind of pride) for your willingness to wrestle with what others have said to you and look for the truth in their observations even if it's not fun to admit!
I think there is still a BALANCE (right Natalie??) between guarding your heart with a guy and tearing all your "walls" down. Don't just throw caution to the wind, even though the balance is hard (even near impossible) at times.
But keep trying to be real! I'll never forget the words of a wise professor I once had (now your VP), who said that you impact people the most when you get close enough that they can see your wounds. Remember Doubting Thomas? He didn't believe until he could stick his hand IN Jesus' wound. It's crazy--but often people have MORE respect for you when they see your humanity rather than your success and achievement and the way you have it all together. Being on a pedestal is a wobbly and dangerous way to live anyway!
Well this is your blog not mine, no need for a post-length comment. Just wanted to check in...love you tons! :)
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