Off to the Gobi !

What a great day! Morning's Dad (such a sweet man) invited us to spend the day looking at the sites around Yinchuan. Little did we know or expect what he had planned! So we'll start at the beginning- few people in Yinchuan drive,so he rented a car, hired a driver and also a translator -which was soooo thoughtful of him. We left at 8am for the 60 min ride to the Gobi Desert. Mom was so thrilled to go there- and as you can see, we climbed onto the camels, sat between the 2 humps and headed up and over the dunes! The area is full of activities and Morning's Dad insisted on us doing many of them, so- more tomorrow!

It finally made sense!

You know how you read scripture for many years, repetatively almost? Then, one day that scripture has a whole new meaning or it finally makes sense after years of just being words on paper? God gives you new insight into it either because He's giving you discernment or because it finally applies.

Well...that's what happened with this song I love written by Sara Groves. The song, "Painting Pictures of Egypt" was the reason I bought the CD and not because of the words to the song, but because of the melody. I loved it. So for four years I've been listening to this song trying desperately to figure out what she was talking about. Then...Thursday afternoon I was driving home from an appointment and was listening to the song. All of it made sense to me. I believe God gave me discernment to finally understand the words and was preparing that song for me for years. It applies to me now. God gave me that song long before I knew I needed it.

It goes like this...

I don't want to leave here, I don't want to stay, it feels like pinching to me either way. The places I long for the most are the places where I've been. They are calling after me like a long lost friend. It's not about losing faith, it's not about trust, it's all about comfortable when you move so much. The place I was wasn't perfect but I had found a way to live. it wasn't milk or honey but than neither is this. I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked. The future feels so hard and I want to go back. But the places that used to fit me canoot hold the things I've learned, and those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned. The past is so tangible, I know it by heart, familiar things are never easy to discard. I was longing for some freedom, but now I hesitate to go, I am caught between the promise and the things I know. If it comes too quick, I may not recognize it. Is that the reason behind all this time and sand. If it comes too quick, I may not appreciate it. Is it that the reason behind all this time and sand. ~Inspired by Exodus 16:3

Closure

A friend told me once that before I leave for overseas I need to make I get good closure from certain people and places that mean something special to me. Great advice! But what does that mean and how do I get it?

This week brought some answers! I, by no means, know how to get that good closure or even know exactly what it means...yet. But I have realized some people and places that I don't have closure in.

It's all you people out there in Colorado and that beautiful, wonderful state. Yeah, it's you.

When I decided in August that I would be leaving CO in October I shut down. Instead of spending as much time with everyone as I could and soaking up as much as I could, I withdrew. I gradually starting "weaning" myself from everyone and everything so that when I left there it would hurt me or matter to me. And when I left, that's exactly what happened. I had trained myself to not care or feel and that made it easier for me to leave. Now...was that the best thing for me to do? By no means, but it was the easiest.

I have only recently realized that this is a very bad habit of mine. It's my defense mechanism so that I don't get hurt by people or by myself.

I have been in so much torment from leaving there, having so much regret over how I left things and the things I didn't say. I did not grieve Colorado or the people there I love so much. I didn't do it while I was there. I have started doing it now.

This was about closure, yes. I had no closure from Colorado or the people. I do, however, need that. I need to say what I'm feeling. I need to allow myself to feel what I'm feeling. That's huge for me. All of you know that. I show everyone the strong, independent, determined Kathryn. I never show anyone the sensitive, emotionally messy, hurting, imperfect Kathryn. I'm sorry. This hasn't allowed to truly know me.

I do want people to truly know who I am, I do. I don't hide it on purpose. It's that one, I didn't know I was doing it and two, I didn't even know exactly who I was. So I can show others?

So...going back to CO in May. Hoping and praying for great conversations with people and some great closure. Thanks April!

Wedding crashers

I am so glad my friends have spaced out their weddings through the years. It's a great way to stay in touch with people and keep seeing them. This is the normal crew. Courtney is normally there as well as Jacob. Jacob wasn't at this one, but Courtney was, she just isn't pictured. Then there's the rest of us! And the beautiful bride is Shannon. She's a girl I discipled in college and we became good friends.

Pondering

I went to my sister's church this morning. It's a pentacostal church. My first time there. My second time at a Pentacostal church; interesting. They had a guest speaker this morning who stressed twice that he was a "Pentacostal" preacher and everyone cheered. That really bothered me. Honestly, it bothers me when people do that no matter what denomination they are. I'm just tired of denominations.

With all the traveling I've done all over the world and the many cultural churches I've darkened the doorsteps of, I haven't witnessed denominations like I do here.

It got me thinking of the Acts 2 church and the other churches I've seen. You know, they don't have denominations, why do we?

I look at the beleivers in Africa, India, China, Cambodia, etc. They don't know or care about those little doctrinal issues. I have to wonder, how important are they really? In the light of things that are much more important, where do they fall? I imagine them falling in importance somewhere near the importance of the color carpet in the santuary. Just not really.

And I know that some of you will greatly disagree with this and quite frankly I don't care. I don't want to know either. All I can see are the hindrances denominations bring and the walls that have been put up because of them and it puts a bad taste in my mouth.

Why is it when I'm having dinner with other believers and this is our firts encounter, they ask what type of church I go to? Like we're different. As you soon as you let others know, there's automatically a barrier to an intimate relationship. It's true.

I've loved the churches I've attended. I think in the future I'm going to be more careful on this subject. Let's all just refer to ourselves as Christ followers or believers, not as Baptists, Pentacostals, Presbyterians, etc. Who cares anyway?

Psalm 40

[I read this Psalm this morning and could identify with it in so many ways.  This speaks of my heart and what God is doing.  Read carefully, it could change your life!]

 

I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to out god.

Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

 

Blessed is the man

who makes the Lord his trust,

who does not look to the proud,

to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O Lord my God,

are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us

no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

they would be too many to declare.

 

Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,

but my ears you have pierced;

burnt offerings and sin offerings

you did not require.

Then i said, "Here I am, I have come-

it is written about me in the scroll.

I desire to do your will, O my God;

your law is within my  heart."

 

I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;

I do not seal my lips,

as you know, O Lord.

I do not hide your righteousness i my heart;

I speak of your faithfulness and

salvation.

I do no conceal your love and your truth

from the great assembly.

 

do not withhold your mercy from me,

O Lord;

may your love and your truth always

protect me.

For troubles without number surround me;

my sins have overtaken, and I

cannot see.

They are more than the hairs of my head,

and my heart fails within me.

 

Be pleased, O Lord, to save me;

O Lord, come quickly to help me.

May all who seek to take my life

be put to shame and confusion;

may all who desire my ruin

be turned back in disgrace.

May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"

be appalled at their own shame.

But may all who seek you

rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation always

say,

"The lord be exalted!"

 

Yet I am poor and needy;

may the lord think of me.

You are my help and my deliverer;

O my God, do not delay.

 

Psalm 40

Loving who God made me

I have just returned from Orlando, FL where I underwent some training before I head overseas.  I cannot describe to you the rollercoaster of emotions that I experienced.  I went into last week with expectations that were not met.  What happened exceeded my expectations and more!

 

I had a meeting with my Member Care guy on Tuesday.  I had no idea what we were going to talk about, but I do know that we did not talk about member care!  The Holy Spirit was leading him that afternoon and he confronted me and challenged me on my way of thinking and some of my habits.  I had never met the guy before and still I could not believe how on target he was.  I even asked how he knew all of what he said.  At that time I felt I was being attacked and resented him for it, I mean who did he think he was?  As I sat there in his office overcome with emotion and the tears rolling, all I could think of was how much of a mess I was and what was I thinking spending the next two years wanting to tell others of Jesus' love in a far off land?  How was I ever going to that?

 

Did you catch the "I"?

 

I came back to my room after some other meetings that afternoon where I discovered that I'm still a mess an dmoving forward into an even deeper mess.  There was one of my roommates that I had just met for the first time the night before.  She innocently asked me about a book I was reading.  My own response surprised when I answered with a shaky voice.  Why was I so emotional?  This wasn't like me.  But I had been shedding tears all day.  She insisted that we sit down and talk.  I told her everything, from October and on, from high school and on.  (You betcha, this was a long convo!)  And she so graciously sat there and listened to all of it.  I'm sure she couldn't understand half of what I was saying through all of the crying, but she tried her best! 

 

Thursday brought about another very important meeting.  Throughout the whoel week we had been discussing some assessments we had done about our personalities, our gifts, our learning types/structures, our preferences, what we like to delegate to others, our leadership styles, etc.  I knew what it was going to say.  My interpretation of my personality, gifts, leadership style, etc. was harsh.  It wasn't feminine and never has been.  My personality type is an ISTJ: Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging.  Only 5% of the population has this personality type and about 95% of that 5% are men!  I am definitely a minority.  Needlesstosay, i was not looking forward to the outcome of all of this; I had heard it all before!

 

Again, I was surprised!  As the ladies gathered all of my assessments together and processed them we came to some wonderful conflusions!  The whole point of this is that you see what your best contribution is for the team that you're apart of.  After much discussion and talking through some questions we came up with three major contributions that I can have to any team as well as to life in general.  One, is a Life Coach, which I love!  This encorporates my passions and deep into my heart.  Second, is a Project Designer: Vision Implementation.  This encorporates my gifts and abilities/skills.  And lastly is a Creative Planner.  I am still discovering this one as it's new in my life, but it basically means to build bridges in forming relationships in creative ways. 

 

I went into this meeting hating my personality and my gifts and left knowing hope and finally seeing and hearing what God and everyone else have been telling me my whole: "You are wondefully made and for a purpose.  You are unique!"  You're right, I'm not like most people, I'm not like most women.  I'm me and I'm finally glad about that! 

 

I feel like this revelation in my life is what will usher me into the next part of my life and that is to allow people to truly know who I am.  Before, I knew who I was but wasn't proud of it.  Now, come and see!

 

God is so good and so faithful.  At the end of this week all I could see and hear was God telling me, "This is it Kathryn!  You've got it!"  Finally:)

Little things...I'm thankful for

1.  Gumball machines at the mall-I can try a different flavor everyday!

2.  Breaks at work.

3.  A job that pays!

4.  Williams-Sonoma marshmallows

5.  Hand lotion.

6.  Starbucks Green Tea-enough caffeine without feeling havey

7.  Hot showers.

8.  Toothpaste

9.  Phone calls with Jenn.

10.  JAG

11.  My down comforter.

12.  My fuzzy green slippers.

13.  Long hair to cover my neck and keep me warm.

14.  Good books that teach and don't just entertain.

15.  Email

16.  Blogs

17.  Salvation that allows me to LIVE!

18.  My long nails.

19.  Flat shoes.

20.  Yogurt

21.  A big purse that holds EVERYTHING.

22.  Drive-thru banks tellers.

23.  Pay-at-the-pump gas stations.

24.  Sudoku

25.  Cinnabon!!!!!!!!!!!

26.  My Bible

27.  Box muffins

28.  My lounging pants that come on as soon as I get home.

29.  The food network.

30.  What Not To Wear on TLC.

 

Thanks for inspiring Amy!

 

I surprise myself!

Today was my longest day of working at the Gap since I started.  I'm a regular 9-5er now.  That was my shift today.  It wasn't as bad as I thougth.  I am on my feet the whole time so I made sure to wear comfortable shoes.  And...mom came and had lunch with me on my break! 

 

So...how I surprised myself, let me get to that.  Two things happened today.  One, I got a promotion already!  I couldn't believe it!  I have worked there two weeks and they are already training me for right below the manager position.  It's called a key-holder.  It basically means I'm acting manager when a manager is not present.  It's nothing I was really going for, but it's nice to be promoted none-the-less.

 

The other thing that surprised me was that I opened four Gap cards today for four different people!  That's a total of five this week!  Who does that?  I couldn't believe it!  There's always a contest going among employees to see who can open the most for the month.  I just may get it this month!  I'm actually really enjoying this job, which kind of surprises me.  I think I already said this but I just really like helping people find what they need, even if it's only clothes. 

 

It's true what they say, when you smile at someone it can really change their demeanor.  I smile at them and they go from whatever they were to smiling back and then we're all in a good mood. 

 

I'm determined.  I'm going to spread Jesus in that store one way or another.  One person at a time.  One sale at a time! 

Recklessly Abandoned

I was watching the new PI video, which is amazing btw and they were interviewing a girl serving in the Middle East.  She made an interesting and very on target comment, "If we aren't living recklessly abandoned to Him then what are we doing?".  Good question.

 

What am I doing?  Am I living recklessly abandoned?

 

One thing that I have realized in the past fews weeks, months, whatever is that I have been trying so hard to "be" something or to act like a certain person.  I've been trying hard to be a better person and do what I'm supposed to.  But there was no motivation behind it; no good motivation.  Like the dreams and goals I had for my life, they were resting on me and my own strength.

 

Loving my Savior.  To live recklessly abandoned to Him.  Love the Savior and He'll help me to love others.  Love the Savior and He'll give me the direction that I need.  Love the Savior and He'll give me the strength I need.  Love the Savior and He'll make me into the person that HE wants and needs me to be not I feel like I should be.

 

It brings a lot of freedom.  One thing to do, love Him.  He'll do the rest!

I have officially been at my job for a week and a half.  I love it!  I'm glad I'm actually working and doing something productive.  I felt so lazy before.  But now I feel so tired!  I haven't done anything in two months as far as a rigid schedule and now I'm on my feet the whole time I'm working.  I come home absolutely exhausted!  I need to buy some more comfortable shoes.  That's what I'm going to do with my first paycheck! 

 

But something I've realized is that this job is not only a blessing but a huge opportunity for me.  I have said so often how I wanted to be around more non-believers but quite frankly I just didn't know any.  Well...here's my chance.  Everyone I work with is a non-believer and one of them is a homosexual.  They're all super nice and fun to be with but they're lost.  I was reminded of the verse in Colossians 4:5-6- Live wisely among those who are not Christians, and make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be gracious and effective so tha tyou will have the right answer for everyone.  Just a reminder that I need to be careful with my words and my actions in front of them.  It's a huge deal and responsibility. 

 

I'm so thankful for the opportunity.  I also know that I'm going to really learn a lot from this and be stretched a lot.  I haven't been around this many non-believers in years.  I know, kind of sad.  But there you have it.  I would appreciate your prayers for opportunities to share my faith and for strength to be able to stand strong.

The right questions...and answers

I had coffee with a good friend of mine today, Hannah. She went to India with me last February. I haven't seen her since last March. She was in town and so we got together for an hour. It was so great to see her. I couldn't believe we were there. Neither could she. We were both in shock that we were actually talking to each other face to face. It was wonderful to see her.

We were talking and catching up and I had an epiphany. I was telling her about that book I'm reading, "The Search for Significance" and about my future and so forth when it all became clear to me. I base my worth on my performance. This I am learning that I do. But we were talking about dreams and how mine are very murky right now, which is different for me. But I think it's a good thing. I have part of me that has these big dreams of going "far" in life. Then I have the other part of me, that part that wants to raise my children anywhere but the US and wants to live a simple life without all the "things" this world offers and we don't need. It's like I'm two different people.

What became so clear to me while talking to Hannah was that the big dreams that I have of being CEO of a company one day may just be the lies in me speaking. What I'm talking about are those lies that tell me that the only thing that makes me important or significant is what I can do for others or how well I perform. If I get a Masters degree and can move up in a company and be this "accomplished" person that has gone far then people will admire me and I will have performed well. So I have to ask myself the question, "Is this what I really want for my life or is this the Good Performance=Significance me talking?" Of course, I think that in order to truly answer this question and know for sure I'm going to have to do some more searching and God's going to have to do some more revealing in my heart.

It's good. I'm eager to look deeper. I want to find the answers to these questions that I know only the Lord can give. I definitely don't want to chase afters dreams that will only take me further away from what I really want even though I don't know exactly what that is yet.

Isn't it amazing how you think you know yourself so well only to realize that you have so much more to learn?

Used to's

Here are some things that I used to not like but I love now. [I can't believe I didn't like them at some time.] 1. Pizza-I know, what was I thinking? Now I crave it! 2. Caramel 3. Ice cream on top of any dessert-I used to only like it on the side. Now anything with ice cream on it tastes better that way! 4. Peanut Butter 5. Diet sodas 6. Coffee 7. Hot tea 8. Running 9. Eating healthy 10. Cauliflower 11. Spicy foods 12. Indian food 13. Being by myself 14. Cooking 15. Children 16. Headbands 17. Jeans 18. The news 19. Apples 20. Country Music I could go on...but I won't. Can you believe all of this? It's crazy. They say your taste buds change every seven years. I'm glad. I think maybe all of you changes every seven years. This is a good thing. I see things only getting better from here on:)

Through the eyes of a child

Today I was Miss [LAST NAME] to a classroom of 20 3rd graders.  I hope I'm not "that" substitute that weird or mean or the one that they dread.  I don't think I am.  But I hope not.  I know that I am known throughout the school as the sub that wears pointy shoes.  Kids...you really make a difference you know?  :)

 

After school today I was taking a group of elementary school students over to location T for their pickup and I was talking with another teacher.  We were watching a little boy climb all over a parking space blocker thingy.  Yeah, real technical term.  I don't know what they're called.  They are those cement blocks at the front end of the parking space that tells you you're up far enough and don't go any further.  Anyway, he was climbing all over this and using his huge imagination to pretend he was on top of some reptile, scaling his back and chasing someone. 

 

We were laughing and I was thinking how great, he has a wonderful imagination and at the same time thinking, "Some day he'll realize that it's just a piece of cement."  The other teacher pointed out something very important.  She said something to the point of, "Isn't it amazing how children find excitement in doing, seeing and experiencing almost anything?"  I just stood there thinking "Yeah, it really is." 

 

There I was thinking to myself that one day that child will finally realize what the truth is and then he'll wake up.  But the truth is, everything around is remarkable and exciting.  We as adults have just "lost that lovin' feelin'" about things.  We no longer find it exciting because either people have told us the "truth" like I was hoping that boy would recognize or we have taken it for granted. 

 

Why do we feel too stupid to get excited about the little things, to want the mundane or to act silly with friends.  Look through the eyes of a child and you'll see "a whole new world" around you.  Look through the eyes of a child and everything becomes new and exciting and something ready to conquer and explore.  Maybe then we'll get our dreams back or at least remember how to dream.

 

Change in weather

Amazing how the weather has gone from 75 to 30 in a matter of two days. I was in shorts and a t-shirt and now I'm in a huge puffy coat with as much clothing on as I can get! And I'm still cold! It actually snowed here overnight and throughout the day! We couldn't believe it. It hasn't snowed here in like five years! I got a taste of what's going on in CO! And...you know that 24-hour virus they're talking about on the news that's similar to the flu? Yeah, I experienced it last night. In the middle of the night to be exact. It was awful. I never get sick and then all-of-a-sudden there it is. And today started my ten days of baby-sitting two kids from my church while their parents are in Aruba. I'm a little nervous about keeping them entertained, but excited too! Oh and I got a job finally. I start on Thursday at the GAP! All of you know what this means for me! Discounts at my two favorite stores: GAP and Banana Republic. Whoo! Hoo! Remember Kathryn, you need to save your money not spend it all on clothes. This is going to be a test of the will I tell you. But I did get a job and they're flexible. Praise the Lord! Well...I need to go make the kiddos some dinner. Wednesdays Menu for dinner: Grilled shrimp Sauteed zucchini with onion Linguine with baby portobello mushrooms Parmesan muffins Spinach salad Tonights dinner: Coconut shrimp Velveeta shells and cheese Fruit

New duties

I have not been myself lately, not at all! There are so many reasons why and so many examples I could share, but we won't go there.

I visited a new church last Sunday to try and find maybe a piece of the small group I had in Colorado. I don't think I ever will, but we still hope! Yeah, well...didn't find it there. I go into this "singles" group on Sunday moring. Oh they're single alright. They range from like 27 to 50 and everything in between. It's mostly single older men. They were very nice and even treated me to lunch, but I just don't think it's going to work out. (Isn't this something you hear when someone is breaking up with you?:))

So I'm trying a new place this Sunday and then the next. Wish me luck.

I have continued in my duties as cook in our house and I'm still loving it. I don't believe I've made anything twice yet. I've been making all sorts of muffins: sweet potato muffins, parmesan muffins, etc. And last night I made Eggplant Chicken Parmigiana with whole wheat pasta and a yummy salad. We are eating well and I think a little too well!

You'll be happy to know that I have started scheduling my vision nights, training, meetings with people and so forth so that I can get this support raising underway. I'm excited! It's been a long time of prep for this.

I'm out to pick my brother up from school. He's sick today:( It's nice to be able to spend any time with him.

Remembering why

Today I was reminded on many things that I'm thankful for and many reasons as to why.

 

First off, I'm reading a wonderful book called "The Search for Significance" by Robert S. McGee.  Today while sitting in Starbucks drinking my peppermint hot chocolate I was reading about how our parents are to be models of Christ's love for us.  And if they aren't the models they are supposed to be, trying as hard as they can, God still puts relationships or friendships in your path as people to be those models for you.  As I was reading about this I was reminded of how blessed I am by the many friendships I have all over this country and this world and how truly incredible those people are.  I can think of so many examples of times when my friends of shown me Christ's love and been a perfect of example of grace to me.  How truly thankful I am.

 

I also sat down with my mom today to show her the new Pioneers video that I got in the mail a couple of weeks ago.  I hadn't even watched it yet.  I wanted her to see it so that she would be better acquainted with Pioneers and feel more comfortable with me working with them.  But little did I know that I was the one who needed to see it.

 

I sat there astonished at how my heart was leaping out of my chest and how glad I was that it was doing it.  It had been a long time.  There were times that I was overwhelmed at what I was hearing and what I was seeing, but more at how the Lord was speaking to me.  He was reminding me of my calling.  I have been fighting it still, having questions and doubts of what the future holds for me not wanting to trust Him because it was just too difficult.  A girl spoke on the video about how a life that is not completely devoted and surrendered to God is no life worth living and I would have to agree.  I remember back to even a couple of months ago when I was more surrendered than I have ever been.  I was engrossed in the Word and I had a solid group of encouraging believers encouraging me daily and two amazing, amazing girlfriends that spurred me on to holiness.  This I miss greatly!  The joy and peace I felt was indescribable and I want it back.  The problem is that I was depending on them and not God to be my source of encouragement.  Christ is my true home.  There will be many times while I am overseas that I will be "alone".  In those places Christ will be my home.  I am understanding now that God is using this time away from my life in Colorado to prepare me for overseas. 

 

God, prepare my heart to make it home for you, to make you my home. Be my complete joy, encouragement and peace.   Open my eyes to see you in every facet of this world and allow me to look in the eyes of those who don't know you and see that they too are to be loved and that it's not too late. 

Christmas survey

Christmas MEME

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate-I love flavored ones with marshmallows
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Santa does both in our house, but the wrapped ones are signed by him!
3. Colored Light on Tree/House or White? White
4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope.
5. When do you put your decorations up? Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving. This year it was very gradual.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Pineapple casserole
7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? Waking up to go to the restroom and peering over the banister upstairs to see my dad building a doll house (this was Christmas Eve) that was for me!
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? My best friend in 3rd grade, Angie Auberry, told me one day at school when we were swinging on the monkey bars. I didn't believe and when my mom was tucking me in that night I asked her and she told me the truth and we both just sat there and cried.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Never as a child, but occasionally as we got older.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? It's decorated with a lot of glass-blown ornaments that my mom has collected as well as all the ornaments that us kids have made for them growing up and ones my mom has received from students. It has lights on it and beads.
11. Snow. Love it or dread it? I love it always! I love driving in it and spinning out in parking lots! I love sitting inside by the far with cocoa.
12. Can you ice skate? Yes, but nothing too fancy!
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? My favorite gift was the doll house I mentioned earlier!
14. What’s the most important thing about Christmas to you? Jesus and family.
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Italian Cream Cake
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Reading Luke 2 on Christmas Eve with my family and having friends and neighbors over on Christmas day for dessert and coffee.
17. What tops your tree? Nothing right now.
18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Giving. I like to see their faces when they really love it!
19. What is your favorite Christmas song? "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"
20. Candy Canes. Yuck or Yum? If it's a really good one than it's so yummy. It has to be a really sweet one.

Blog I'm Tagging:
Amy

Perfectionist

I have learned through a book that I'm reading, "The Search for Significance", that I am a perfectionist. Some of you may be saying, "I'm glad you finally realized that, I have known it for years!".  That's what my sister told me this afternoon as I sat at the kitchen table with her telling of my new revelation. 

 

So the book...I have always known that I'm significant in God's eyes.  So I was a little disturbed and kind of upset that my new organization made it a requirement for me to read before I left for the field.  But I have started it.  I have ready at max 50 pages.  And through those 50 pages I have learned that I'm a perfectionist.  I never considered myself one because I not a person that has to have things "perfect".  I always passed it off as "If you're doing going to do the best you can at it than don't do it.".  Apparently that's perfectionism. 

 

And we all know that I'm a goal-addict.  I love setting goals and acheiving them.  That's not so much a big deal as what I do to people while I'm trying to attain the goal!  I get so focused on the goal in front of me that I push ahead hard.  I love people to do it with me but if they're slowing me down or getting in my way at all I tend to push them out of the way or leave them behind and justify it as they are not goal-oriented and they're the ones with the problems.  This, of course, is not true. 

 

The basic truth here is that I find my significance in success.  And I believe this has something to do with an earlier post where I had written that I was struggling with what my next fews years held because I wasn't going after "success" in the world's eyes.  It was success that no one could see, not even me sometimes and that was hard.  I believe God's showing me a lot about myself and what it means to find my success in Him.  That may just well be one of the lessons that He wants to teach me through EA.  I'm sure there's more, but one thing at a time!

To head back

I'm leaving South Carolina today after a wonderful time with great friends! I'm driving back to North Carolina for a doctor's appointment and then dinner with great friends in Durham. This has been very beneficial for me:)

Back to routine

Well...I started back to the routine I had in Colorado-waking up at 4:30am and going to the gym before work. I woke up this morning feeling surprisingly refreshed and ready to go. I didn't feel tired. But...when I started working out I could feel the difference between 5:30 in the morning and 3:30 in the afternoon. It made such a difference. I had to continually keep talking myself into continuing to work out. Got ready at the gym and headed to work. Getting ready didn't take me nearly as long as it normally does. I thought it would take longer being in a place that is not normal. So...I got work a whole hour early. We won't be doing that again! But it's aloud me to sit here and do this so I'm grateful!

Today is a busy day filled with substitute teaching and looking for jobs. I started the job search yesterday and was pleasantly surprised at how nice and helpful people were. I will continue today, hopefully with some tangible evidence of my effort. And tonight me and the fam are headed to the Four Seasons mall to visit my sister who works at Chick-Fil-A over the Christmas break. I haven't had Chick-Fil-A in sooo long! I'm really excited. And...of course we'll do a little shopping. I'm just glad to go out and eat. I've been making dinner almost every night for the fam, which I love to do. But I just miss going out. My friend, Jessica, was right, I go out to eat a lot. I really do. I mean I did. I loved it. I love trying new foods and having great conversation with good friends over food. Call it a Southern bone in me or call it me. Whatever you will, I love it and I miss it. So...needlesstosay, I am excited about tonight's adventure.

Tomorrow morning I leave for Anderson, SC where a friend of mine from college is getting married in the evening. I will make a little pit stop at Concord Mills and do a little shopping! Let's see, what do I need?: a wrap for over my dress at the wedding, a sweater and some Christmas gifts for some friends. I hope I find some good stuff. I have been researching online and looking at what the stores offer so that I know where to go and I can go right in and get it! And I'll be staying the weekend with my very good friend, Sara and her husband. She and I always have a blast together and we're going to do again. And we're going to the bagel shop while I'm there, which we both love and used to go to a lot in college. Oh the good times:)

Speaking of this wedding...I'm a little nervous about it. I haven't seen some of these people in a long time. Like 2.5 years. And the people I have seen in the meantime I haven't talked to very much. I'm really excited don't get me wrong, just a little nervous at the same time. It's kind of like a reunion but not so long.

Buns of steel!

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree...something, something, something, something.... Yes, that should have been sung to some tune. Sorry, no audio to go along with this. But you can imagine!

Yeah, we got our Christmas tree this afternoon. Me, Jenn and mom went. Surprisingly, it didn't take an hour. It only took about 15 or 20 minutes of actually looking at trees. And we got a really tall one that is very fat. And so it stands in our den with no ornaments and no lights. We're too pooped to do anything with it. That will have to wait until tomorrow.

Oh, the buns of steel title, right! Jenn and I went to an aerobics class this morning that about killed us. It was 90 minutes of sculpting. Craziness I tell you. Absolute madness. My legs feel like jelly as of right now and they really hurt. That should help you imagine how they're going to feel tomorrow.

Ok, question for ya. What do you think about this whole "politically correct" thing that America started last year in regards to Christmas? What about the insanity that is happening this Christmas? I had a friend from Australia ask us last week, "Why is America trying to get rid of God?" Good question. It's sad and a bit frightening. I want to know why no one is standing up for the Christians in all of this? Where are the people fighting for OUR rights as Christians? The rest of this world is protecting everyone but Christians and no one seems to care. Do we have Christian lawyers? ARE YOU OUT THERE? (Little bit of a tangent!)

Anyway, what do you think about the whole thing? More importantly, what are you going to do about it?

I do what I don't want to do

I went to a Bible study this morning with my mom. It's a very popular one. In fact, there's a waiting list to get in. We were invited by one of the teachers. Anyway, they were discussing Romans 7. Starting in verse 14 Paul is talking about how he doesn't do what he wants to do and he does do what he doesn't want to do. Amen brother! Anyone else totally agree with what Paul was saying?

I think this characteristic may be the only way that I am like Paul, at least right now. But it's comforting. He was a pretty mature believer and yet, there is he his talking about the exact frustrations that I often feel. I'm so glad he was so honest and not too proud to write about his struggles. It helps to remind people like me that I'm not a hopeless case and I don't have to be perfect.

Yay for open hearts and fast fingers!

Is it number 1?

I had a five hour drive back from Charleston today and I got to do a lot of thinking. I think that's the first time in a long time that I've been completely alone with my thoughts. I haven't been able to hear God speaking into my life very much lately. It's my fault because I haven't been spending time with Him. But I started to hear again ever so faintly today. It was soooo nice!

I've been thinking a lot about my dreams lately. The SVP at KBM asked me during my exit interview what my dreams for my life were. (I think I've talked about this before.) Sitting there with him, I told him the absolute truth (at least all that I knew at the time.)

I must admit, I'm very comfused at this time in my life. It seems that when I am immersed in Christ I have no dreams or desires to speak of and when I haven't been spending time with God I have so many things that I want to do and want to become. I'm wondering what that is about. There are two things that I can think of. One, that it is about my heart and mind being immersed in the world vs. Christ. Two, that it is about surrendering. The sond, "I Surrender All" by Clay Crosse talks about it. He says that sometimes you have to surrender your hopes and dreams. Yeah, I think that's it. That, by far, is the hardest thing for me to do. I have so many things that I want to do. There are so many things I want to accomplish, see, be and walk into. Sometimes I feel like life is too short to be able to do them all. Some of them include:

1. Go to graduate school for International Business
2. Go to law school.
3. Work at the UN.
4. Live in New England.
5. Live in Europe.
6. Get married.
7. Have lots of kids.
8. Live in a really big city.
9. See all seven continents.
10. See all the wonders of the world (modern and ancient).

There are plenty more. The list never seems to end and I keep adding things to it everyday. When the SVP asked me what my dreams were I couldn't think of ANY of those. Now I can. I contribute it to a few things. But I'm trying desperately to understand what God's doing. That may never happen. It's the trust thing I guess. Working on it:)

Another startling thing...my friend, Dimity, was here right after Thanksgiving and we got to talking about the topic of marriage with my mom one evening in the sunroom. Dimity says that she feels like that's her calling. Although I would love to get married and have heaps of children. I don't feel like it's my calling. She asked a very good question, "How much of a priority is getting married to you?" Well, I don't know. I wouldn't say it's at the ultimate number one. It's definitely up there, but I can say now that it's not number one. Like I said earlier, I have so many things I want to accomplish and do in life. In all seriousness, I would be honored and blessed to serve alongside the man that God has for me (if He does). But I need someone as driven as I am and who'll let me go for my dreams and goals as far-fetched as they may seem.

I've always said two things: "Crazy people get things done." and "If you want something bad enough, there is absolutely a way to get it. You just have to be willing to work hard and never quit." ~Kathryn :)

So...there are the thoughts that I've been dieing to put down all day.

I'm back in the States!

I'm back from East Asia! It was a great trip! Thanks for helping me get there everyone! I'll share more later!

I'm definitely here!

Well...here I am sitting in an apartment in East Asia. It's been so neat so far! This country is nothing like I thought it was. I guess I was pretty naive! It's a great city and wonderful people. The smells are a little funky sometimes and people smoke a whole lot but it's still wonderful.

I have managed to do a few "oops" so far. I was at the KFC in the airport and tried to buss my own table by taking my tray to the trash and the girl who is supposed to buss the table began screaming at me in another language while flailing her arms at me. And just yesterday when i was walking around by myself I decided to take a taxi and when I tried to tip the guy he started yelling at me as well. Apparently you're not supposed to tip, or they don't know they can ask for tips. I don't really mind, more money in my pocket!

I leave the day after tomorrow to another city for about six days and then back to the States! Just in time for Thanksgiving!

Please send all comments to my email. Thanks so much! Love ya'll!

Tomorrow's the day!

Well...I leave tomorrow morning bright and early on my trip to East Asia. I can't believe it's here already. It has completely sneaked up on me! But here it is. It's funny. I mean, the way I'm acting about this trip. Watching me and talking to me you'd think I was flying to Atlanta tomorrow or something. I packed late tonight and I'm kind of flippant about flying to the other side of the world by myself. I think it's my way of being "tough Kathryn" to everyone and to myself. You know?

Anyway, leaving tomorrow, making a little pitstop through Newark and then straight on to Asia. I am loaded with bags and bags of chocolate chips for the friends over there. You can't get them there so everyone has requested them! I come bearing gifts:) How fun!

I don't really know what to expect. I've heard that's a good thing. I don't really. But we'll see. I'm taking my camera and some snacks. We all know what tends to happen to me when I go overseas. And as much as I would like to lose a lot of pounds very quickly, I shouldn't do it that way, so I'm coming prepared!

Well...of to bed. 3:30am comes early! Love you all! Thank you for your prayers, they're needed!

Back in the Carolinas

Well...after many, many miles back to North Carolina I arrived Friday night. It was a beautiful drive. Last time I drove cross-country I took I-70 (yuck!). This time I took I-40 and it was wonderful. New Mexico and Arkansas are two states I had never been through before and they were gorgeous! I highly recommend them!

Oh, little side note: my brother's high school burned down last Wednesday. We don't hear from him all week but he calls us on the road to tell us that he can roast marshmellows over his school now. Yep, burned right down to the ground. They're suspecting arson by one or more of the students. Crazy!

It's been nice to be home. I leave again on Wednesday morning for East Asia for two weeks. I'm excited to go meet some new people! I would appreciate the prayers. I won't be writing on this again until I get back.

Road trippin' it

I'm in Okalahoma. I'm on my way back to NC from CO. Yesterday we drove through four states: Colorado, New Mexico, Texas and Oklahoma. We've seen a lot though. Tuesday we went to Pike's Peak, The Airforce Academy and Garden of the Gods. Yesterday we saw the Western Hemisphere's largest cross, mesas and great landforms (as my mom would say) and this morning we're headed to the Oklahoma City Bombing National Memorial. We will be sleeping in Memphis tonight and see Graceland tomorrrow as well as the Grand Ole Opry.

I have left Colorado and no longer live there. It was a very sad goodbye with many tears shed. But everyone was so awesome in letting me know how much they cared. Thanks ya'll! I leave for East Asia for two weeks in only 6 days! I can't believe it! I'm really excited!

Got to run now.

She has returned

I am finally back in Denver. I am glad to be back as this traveling for over two weeks has worn me out and made me miss consistency in schedule. Back to routine. There's something comforting in that!

We arrived in Buckley, MI to freezing cold weather and about 8 inches of snow. Target met us head on as we picked up some much needed scarves, hats and gloves. The whole time we were in Michigan we were hearing about how Denver was having 80 degree weather. We were anxious to get back to that. That was short-lived though. We arrived Monday night with it feeling nice. Tuesday morning greeted us with cold weather and by lunch time it was snowing and a mere 30 degrees. This morning I awoke to 25 degree weather and a car covered in ice. It took me forever to pull open my car door:)

The following happened while I was away:

1) Caleb and Jessica Bislow had their little baby boy, Joshua Trace. He is adorable and so tiny!
2) I booked my flight to East Asia scheduled to leave November 8th for a survey trip.
3) The cops broke into our apartment and stormed through it with guns!

And so today...kidding...I'll explain the last one.

Our very interesting neighbors hadn't seen me or my roomate for a while and so they thought to themselves, "Hmmm, maybe their dead in there." So instead of calling the apartment complex they called 911 and told them that something had happened to us and they needed to come over and check it out. So the police come over to our apartment and break in. They opened every door in the apartment and stormed through with guns raised high. (All of this with our front door wide open for our neighbors to gawk and stare. They called our emergency contacts and we had all of these people calling us making sure we weren't dead. What an ordeal!

But hey, at least we know that if something does happen to us someone will notice and do something about it. Life is so crazy!

I had lunch with my friend, Becky, yesterday. Her husband is currently in India so she and I had a little girl time since I had the day off. We went to this restaurant that I've been dying to try called The House of Commons. The address says it's on 15th St. but it's actually located on Platte. It's an English Tea House and it's adorable. Everything is shipped in from England and it's delicious. About 30 different teas are given as choices for hot or iced tea. They have scones and other English desserts and sandwiches that are wonderful. An English woman owns it. They do afternoon tea as well. Anyway, I'm getting side-tracked. Becky and I were there 2 1/2 hours! We talked about when she and Norm were dating at Moody Bible Institute and we talked about what God was doing in our lives and we talked about the future. We laughed a lot and ate good food and watched the snow fall on the streets of Denver.

Yesterday was such a wonderful day for me. I experienced so many little things that really made me want to thank God. I had lunch with a dear friend. I experienced Denver's first snow fall before I left. I got to see a new life brought into the world. I got to pray and be there for a friend whose father just died. I got to laugh and congratulate a friend who just got engaged. Those little things you know. They make life worth living. They make me thankful that God is who He is. He is joy. He is peace. He is comfort. He is life. "Just remember God as much as you can." ~Dave Ward Live life. Love doing it. Remember God has much as you can. What more could I want or need? I'm lovin' life RIGHT NOW!