I can't imagine what's next

I know that humility has been a constant title for my blogs. Are we sensing a theme and a definite lesson here? I think so:)

Sunday started with orientation that afternoon and going over policies and procedures and giving out books and notebooks and such. Pretty boring stuff actually. But Monday started the first day of classes. Please bare with me as I try to put into words what I am thinking and feeling and learing.

Key word: HUMILITY

Yes, there it is again, that word humility. Such a yucky word, but yet so soothing. Monday was not a great day. I forgot a few things and was late having lunch ready. I forgot to introduce and pray for out President and Founder before he spoke. It was chaos in my book. I'm just so used to being on top of things and being ahead of the game that I wasn't prepared for what did or did not happen. It made me mad at myself and sad that I had let people down. And this may sound harsh, but I know that God was humbling me. I have been praying that He would do just that. And we all know that our God is a God who answers prayers when they are in line with His will. And of course He wants me to be more like His Son-humble. Every time I felt like I messed up yesterday He was gently telling me that I didn't have it all together. I am not the one running this program. This is not MY Institute. This is HIS Institute. These are HIS students that HE has called here for HIM to teach. I am merely a vessel and some hands and feet.

I am overcome with emotion and thankfulness that God gently rebuked me yesterday, the day before that, today and many others in showing me that I'm not all I thougth I was. This program would continue if I were not here. I am just the one that God has chosen to be here for such a time as this. I'm honored.

As much as the day was crazy and I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, the night made it all worth it and reminded me of so much. We had a big dinner thing for the students and the families of KBM. We gave each student a chance to stand and share about how they heard of KBM or TLI and why they came. Well...did the floodgates open! Quite a few them were sharing about what yesterday's classes meant to them. They were asking so many questions of God and felt like they weren't getting answers until yesterday when God answered. So many shared about how this was an answer to prayer for them. They talked about how the what I thought were simple little phone calls checking in on them are what kept them going to continue raising money to get here. They told about how excited they were to be able to learn in this environment and get to be stretched and pushed. One of the boys was sharing and there I am in the back of the room with tears running down my face. I was so overwhelmed at what they were saying. I felt like God was poking me in the arm saying, "Do you hear them? This is why you're here." And I was reminded of why I do what I do.

I had been thinking, "I can't believe I'm working my behind off for seven students". And then when I heard them speak and share I was glad to be working my behind off for these seven students! It was just what I needed!

Today I can say that my perspective has changed a little. I woke up extra early this morning to be able to spend a lot of time with God. It was good times. The biggest thing is that He reminded to cast my cares onto Him and He would carry them. He is in control of TLI. This is His thing. I'm doing my best to listen and obey with what He wants to do in my life and in this program.

Sunday's sermon was my sermon. Jim was talking to me and boy did God do some convicting. From that I'm praying that God would clothe me in love. I must be in the Word and be spending time with Him for that to happen.

I know these next three months are going to be stretching and hard. But I think I'm looking at them from a little different angle now. It's time for some growth and that's what I'm been praying for. Thank you for your prayers, God is working:) Here goes!