Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Change of Heart

It's amazing how God changes your heart and you don't even realize it until later. It's happened to me recently. About quite a few things actually.

If you read one of my blogs about a month and half ago, I was very anti-marriage. I don't know if those are the right words, but still I wasn't thrilled about the idea of being married and having children and going through the ordinary, mundane life that it seemed to be. But I guess over the past 2 weeks or so God has changed my way of thinking and I didn't even realize it. Just recently have I had an evaluation and had to think on the subject. Changing my thoughts from selfish ones that were about me to ones that concern God and my purpose here. It's not about me and what I think I want, but rather how can I best serve God. That may mean that I can best serve God alongside someone else. It may not, I don't know. But what I do know is that I would be honored to be someone's helper and someone's jewel in their eyes and everything else the Bible talks about a wife is.

The other things that have changed with me realizing it are my preferences for music and entertainment. It has been my prayer for so long that I would love the things of God and hate the things of this world. It is slowly happening, thank God. Instead of thinking, "I should be listening to this or should not be listening to this or should be watching this or should not be watching this." It has become more of what I want and desire and prefer. I prefer Christian music. Not for their great musical sounds and the wonderful music, but rather the meaning, the words, and the purpose behind them. I prefer clean TV. I have seen more than I would like to of trash and filth and bad TV. I'm tired of it. It has affected my life more than I could tell you and so has the music. I look back at the beginning of college and I was so naive. I wish I still were. TV has enlightened me and it's one enlightenment I could have done without. You never know what things and people affect you until it's too late. Who knows where my relationship with Christ could be right now. Who knows. I don't. But it's changing now and I'm thankful and thrilled.

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