Tall Blondes

Off to the Gobi !

2008-07-25T19:12:00.007-06:00

What a great day! Morning's Dad (such a sweet man) invited us to spend the day looking at the sites around Yinchuan. Little did we know or expect what he had planned! So we'll start at the beginning- few people in Yinchuan drive,so he rented a car, hired a driver and also a translator -which was soooo thoughtful of him. We left at 8am for the 60 min ride to the Gobi Desert. Mom was so thrilled to go there- and as you can see, we climbed onto the camels, sat between the 2 humps and headed up and over the dunes! The area is full of activities and Morning's Dad insisted on us doing many of them, so- more tomorrow!

It finally made sense!

2007-04-24T16:27:00.000-06:00

You know how you read scripture for many years, repetatively almost? Then, one day that scripture has a whole new meaning or it finally makes sense after years of just being words on paper? God gives you new insight into it either because He's giving you discernment or because it finally applies.

Well...that's what happened with this song I love written by Sara Groves. The song, "Painting Pictures of Egypt" was the reason I bought the CD and not because of the words to the song, but because of the melody. I loved it. So for four years I've been listening to this song trying desperately to figure out what she was talking about. Then...Thursday afternoon I was driving home from an appointment and was listening to the song. All of it made sense to me. I believe God gave me discernment to finally understand the words and was preparing that song for me for years. It applies to me now. God gave me that song long before I knew I needed it.

It goes like this...

I don't want to leave here, I don't want to stay, it feels like pinching to me either way. The places I long for the most are the places where I've been. They are calling after me like a long lost friend. It's not about losing faith, it's not about trust, it's all about comfortable when you move so much. The place I was wasn't perfect but I had found a way to live. it wasn't milk or honey but than neither is this. I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked. The future feels so hard and I want to go back. But the places that used to fit me canoot hold the things I've learned, and those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned. The past is so tangible, I know it by heart, familiar things are never easy to discard. I was longing for some freedom, but now I hesitate to go, I am caught between the promise and the things I know. If it comes too quick, I may not recognize it. Is that the reason behind all this time and sand. If it comes too quick, I may not appreciate it. Is it that the reason behind all this time and sand. ~Inspired by Exodus 16:3

Closure

2007-04-01T16:38:00.000-06:00

A friend told me once that before I leave for overseas I need to make I get good closure from certain people and places that mean something special to me. Great advice! But what does that mean and how do I get it?

This week brought some answers! I, by no means, know how to get that good closure or even know exactly what it means...yet. But I have realized some people and places that I don't have closure in.

It's all you people out there in Colorado and that beautiful, wonderful state. Yeah, it's you.

When I decided in August that I would be leaving CO in October I shut down. Instead of spending as much time with everyone as I could and soaking up as much as I could, I withdrew. I gradually starting "weaning" myself from everyone and everything so that when I left there it would hurt me or matter to me. And when I left, that's exactly what happened. I had trained myself to not care or feel and that made it easier for me to leave. Now...was that the best thing for me to do? By no means, but it was the easiest.

I have only recently realized that this is a very bad habit of mine. It's my defense mechanism so that I don't get hurt by people or by myself.

I have been in so much torment from leaving there, having so much regret over how I left things and the things I didn't say. I did not grieve Colorado or the people there I love so much. I didn't do it while I was there. I have started doing it now.

This was about closure, yes. I had no closure from Colorado or the people. I do, however, need that. I need to say what I'm feeling. I need to allow myself to feel what I'm feeling. That's huge for me. All of you know that. I show everyone the strong, independent, determined Kathryn. I never show anyone the sensitive, emotionally messy, hurting, imperfect Kathryn. I'm sorry. This hasn't allowed to truly know me.

I do want people to truly know who I am, I do. I don't hide it on purpose. It's that one, I didn't know I was doing it and two, I didn't even know exactly who I was. So I can show others?

So...going back to CO in May. Hoping and praying for great conversations with people and some great closure. Thanks April!

Wedding crashers

2007-03-19T12:34:00.000-06:00

I am so glad my friends have spaced out their weddings through the years. It's a great way to stay in touch with people and keep seeing them. This is the normal crew. Courtney is normally there as well as Jacob. Jacob wasn't at this one, but Courtney was, she just isn't pictured. Then there's the rest of us! And the beautiful bride is Shannon. She's a girl I discipled in college and we became good friends.

Pondering

2007-03-18T16:12:00.000-06:00

I went to my sister's church this morning. It's a pentacostal church. My first time there. My second time at a Pentacostal church; interesting. They had a guest speaker this morning who stressed twice that he was a "Pentacostal" preacher and everyone cheered. That really bothered me. Honestly, it bothers me when people do that no matter what denomination they are. I'm just tired of denominations.

With all the traveling I've done all over the world and the many cultural churches I've darkened the doorsteps of, I haven't witnessed denominations like I do here.

It got me thinking of the Acts 2 church and the other churches I've seen. You know, they don't have denominations, why do we?

I look at the beleivers in Africa, India, China, Cambodia, etc. They don't know or care about those little doctrinal issues. I have to wonder, how important are they really? In the light of things that are much more important, where do they fall? I imagine them falling in importance somewhere near the importance of the color carpet in the santuary. Just not really.

And I know that some of you will greatly disagree with this and quite frankly I don't care. I don't want to know either. All I can see are the hindrances denominations bring and the walls that have been put up because of them and it puts a bad taste in my mouth.

Why is it when I'm having dinner with other believers and this is our firts encounter, they ask what type of church I go to? Like we're different. As you soon as you let others know, there's automatically a barrier to an intimate relationship. It's true.

I've loved the churches I've attended. I think in the future I'm going to be more careful on this subject. Let's all just refer to ourselves as Christ followers or believers, not as Baptists, Pentacostals, Presbyterians, etc. Who cares anyway?

Psalm 40

2007-03-11T06:35:00.001-06:00

[I read this Psalm this morning and could identify with it in so many ways. This speaks of my heart and what God is doing. Read carefully, it could change your life!]

I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to out god.

Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man

who makes the Lord his trust,

who does not look to the proud,

to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O Lord my God,

are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us

no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

they would be too many to declare.

Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,

but my ears you have pierced;

burnt offerings and sin offerings

you did not require.

Then i said, "Here I am, I have come-

it is written about me in the scroll.

I desire to do your will, O my God;

your law is within my heart."

I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;

I do not seal my lips,

as you know, O Lord.

I do not hide your righteousness i my heart;

I speak of your faithfulness and

salvation.

I do no conceal your love and your truth

from the great assembly.

do not withhold your mercy from me,

O Lord;

may your love and your truth always

protect me.

For troubles without number surround me;

my sins have overtaken, and I

cannot see.

They are more than the hairs of my head,

and my heart fails within me.

Be pleased, O Lord, to save me;

O Lord, come quickly to help me.

May all who seek to take my life

be put to shame and confusion;

may all who desire my ruin

be turned back in disgrace.

May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"

be appalled at their own shame.

But may all who seek you

rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation always

say,

"The lord be exalted!"

Yet I am poor and needy;

may the lord think of me.

You are my help and my deliverer;

O my God, do not delay.

Psalm 40

Loving who God made me

2007-03-10T20:30:00.001-07:00

I have just returned from Orlando, FL where I underwent some training before I head overseas. I cannot describe to you the rollercoaster of emotions that I experienced. I went into last week with expectations that were not met. What happened exceeded my expectations and more!

I had a meeting with my Member Care guy on Tuesday. I had no idea what we were going to talk about, but I do know that we did not talk about member care! The Holy Spirit was leading him that afternoon and he confronted me and challenged me on my way of thinking and some of my habits. I had never met the guy before and still I could not believe how on target he was. I even asked how he knew all of what he said. At that time I felt I was being attacked and resented him for it, I mean who did he think he was? As I sat there in his office overcome with emotion and the tears rolling, all I could think of was how much of a mess I was and what was I thinking spending the next two years wanting to tell others of Jesus' love in a far off land? How was I ever going to that?

Did you catch the "I"?

I came back to my room after some other meetings that afternoon where I discovered that I'm still a mess an dmoving forward into an even deeper mess. There was one of my roommates that I had just met for the first time the night before. She innocently asked me about a book I was reading. My own response surprised when I answered with a shaky voice. Why was I so emotional? This wasn't like me. But I had been shedding tears all day. She insisted that we sit down and talk. I told her everything, from October and on, from high school and on. (You betcha, this was a long convo!) And she so graciously sat there and listened to all of it. I'm sure she couldn't understand half of what I was saying through all of the crying, but she tried her best!

Thursday brought about another very important meeting. Throughout the whoel week we had been discussing some assessments we had done about our personalities, our gifts, our learning types/structures, our preferences, what we like to delegate to others, our leadership styles, etc. I knew what it was going to say. My interpretation of my personality, gifts, leadership style, etc. was harsh. It wasn't feminine and never has been. My personality type is an ISTJ: Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging. Only 5% of the population has this personality type and about 95% of that 5% are men! I am definitely a minority. Needlesstosay, i was not looking forward to the outcome of all of this; I had heard it all before!

Again, I was surprised! As the ladies gathered all of my assessments together and processed them we came to some wonderful conflusions! The whole point of this is that you see what your best contribution is for the team that you're apart of. After much discussion and talking through some questions we came up with three major contributions that I can have to any team as well as to life in general. One, is a Life Coach, which I love! This encorporates my passions and deep into my heart. Second, is a Project Designer: Vision Implementation. This encorporates my gifts and abilities/skills. And lastly is a Creative Planner. I am still discovering this one as it's new in my life, but it basically means to build bridges in forming relationships in creative ways.

I went into this meeting hating my personality and my gifts and left knowing hope and finally seeing and hearing what God and everyone else have been telling me my whole: "You are wondefully made and for a purpose. You are unique!" You're right, I'm not like most people, I'm not like most women. I'm me and I'm finally glad about that!

I feel like this revelation in my life is what will usher me into the next part of my life and that is to allow people to truly know who I am. Before, I knew who I was but wasn't proud of it. Now, come and see!

God is so good and so faithful. At the end of this week all I could see and hear was God telling me, "This is it Kathryn! You've got it!" Finally:)

Little things...I'm thankful for

2007-02-19T15:47:00.001-07:00

1. Gumball machines at the mall-I can try a different flavor everyday!

2. Breaks at work.

3. A job that pays!

4. Williams-Sonoma marshmallows

5. Hand lotion.

6. Starbucks Green Tea-enough caffeine without feeling havey

7. Hot showers.

8. Toothpaste

9. Phone calls with Jenn.

10. JAG

11. My down comforter.

12. My fuzzy green slippers.

13. Long hair to cover my neck and keep me warm.

14. Good books that teach and don't just entertain.

15. Email

16. Blogs

17. Salvation that allows me to LIVE!

18. My long nails.

19. Flat shoes.

20. Yogurt

21. A big purse that holds EVERYTHING.

22. Drive-thru banks tellers.

23. Pay-at-the-pump gas stations.

24. Sudoku

25. Cinnabon!!!!!!!!!!!

26. My Bible

27. Box muffins

28. My lounging pants that come on as soon as I get home.

29. The food network.

30. What Not To Wear on TLC.

Thanks for inspiring Amy!

I surprise myself!

2007-02-09T17:55:00.001-07:00

Today was my longest day of working at the Gap since I started. I'm a regular 9-5er now. That was my shift today. It wasn't as bad as I thougth. I am on my feet the whole time so I made sure to wear comfortable shoes. And...mom came and had lunch with me on my break!

So...how I surprised myself, let me get to that. Two things happened today. One, I got a promotion already! I couldn't believe it! I have worked there two weeks and they are already training me for right below the manager position. It's called a key-holder. It basically means I'm acting manager when a manager is not present. It's nothing I was really going for, but it's nice to be promoted none-the-less.

The other thing that surprised me was that I opened four Gap cards today for four different people! That's a total of five this week! Who does that? I couldn't believe it! There's always a contest going among employees to see who can open the most for the month. I just may get it this month! I'm actually really enjoying this job, which kind of surprises me. I think I already said this but I just really like helping people find what they need, even if it's only clothes.

It's true what they say, when you smile at someone it can really change their demeanor. I smile at them and they go from whatever they were to smiling back and then we're all in a good mood.

I'm determined. I'm going to spread Jesus in that store one way or another. One person at a time. One sale at a time!

Recklessly Abandoned

2007-02-07T13:50:00.001-07:00

I was watching the new PI video, which is amazing btw and they were interviewing a girl serving in the Middle East. She made an interesting and very on target comment, "If we aren't living recklessly abandoned to Him then what are we doing?". Good question.

What am I doing? Am I living recklessly abandoned?

One thing that I have realized in the past fews weeks, months, whatever is that I have been trying so hard to "be" something or to act like a certain person. I've been trying hard to be a better person and do what I'm supposed to. But there was no motivation behind it; no good motivation. Like the dreams and goals I had for my life, they were resting on me and my own strength.

Loving my Savior. To live recklessly abandoned to Him. Love the Savior and He'll help me to love others. Love the Savior and He'll give me the direction that I need. Love the Savior and He'll give me the strength I need. Love the Savior and He'll make me into the person that HE wants and needs me to be not I feel like I should be.

It brings a lot of freedom. One thing to do, love Him. He'll do the rest!

2007-02-05T15:53:00.001-07:00

I have officially been at my job for a week and a half. I love it! I'm glad I'm actually working and doing something productive. I felt so lazy before. But now I feel so tired! I haven't done anything in two months as far as a rigid schedule and now I'm on my feet the whole time I'm working. I come home absolutely exhausted! I need to buy some more comfortable shoes. That's what I'm going to do with my first paycheck!

But something I've realized is that this job is not only a blessing but a huge opportunity for me. I have said so often how I wanted to be around more non-believers but quite frankly I just didn't know any. Well...here's my chance. Everyone I work with is a non-believer and one of them is a homosexual. They're all super nice and fun to be with but they're lost. I was reminded of the verse in Colossians 4:5-6- Live wisely among those who are not Christians, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and effective so tha tyou will have the right answer for everyone. Just a reminder that I need to be careful with my words and my actions in front of them. It's a huge deal and responsibility.

I'm so thankful for the opportunity. I also know that I'm going to really learn a lot from this and be stretched a lot. I haven't been around this many non-believers in years. I know, kind of sad. But there you have it. I would appreciate your prayers for opportunities to share my faith and for strength to be able to stand strong.

The right questions...and answers

2007-01-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

I had coffee with a good friend of mine today, Hannah. She went to India with me last February. I haven't seen her since last March. She was in town and so we got together for an hour. It was so great to see her. I couldn't believe we were there. Neither could she. We were both in shock that we were actually talking to each other face to face. It was wonderful to see her.

We were talking and catching up and I had an epiphany. I was telling her about that book I'm reading, "The Search for Significance" and about my future and so forth when it all became clear to me. I base my worth on my performance. This I am learning that I do. But we were talking about dreams and how mine are very murky right now, which is different for me. But I think it's a good thing. I have part of me that has these big dreams of going "far" in life. Then I have the other part of me, that part that wants to raise my children anywhere but the US and wants to live a simple life without all the "things" this world offers and we don't need. It's like I'm two different people.

What became so clear to me while talking to Hannah was that the big dreams that I have of being CEO of a company one day may just be the lies in me speaking. What I'm talking about are those lies that tell me that the only thing that makes me important or significant is what I can do for others or how well I perform. If I get a Masters degree and can move up in a company and be this "accomplished" person that has gone far then people will admire me and I will have performed well. So I have to ask myself the question, "Is this what I really want for my life or is this the Good Performance=Significance me talking?" Of course, I think that in order to truly answer this question and know for sure I'm going to have to do some more searching and God's going to have to do some more revealing in my heart.

It's good. I'm eager to look deeper. I want to find the answers to these questions that I know only the Lord can give. I definitely don't want to chase afters dreams that will only take me further away from what I really want even though I don't know exactly what that is yet.

Isn't it amazing how you think you know yourself so well only to realize that you have so much more to learn?

Used to's

2007-01-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

Here are some things that I used to not like but I love now. [I can't believe I didn't like them at some time.]

1. Pizza-I know, what was I thinking? Now I crave it!
2. Caramel
3. Ice cream on top of any dessert-I used to only like it on the side. Now anything with ice cream on it tastes better that way!
4. Peanut Butter
5. Diet sodas
6. Coffee
7. Hot tea
8. Running
9. Eating healthy
10. Cauliflower
11. Spicy foods
12. Indian food
13. Being by myself
14. Cooking
15. Children
16. Headbands
17. Jeans
18. The news
19. Apples
20. Country Music

I could go on...but I won't. Can you believe all of this? It's crazy. They say your taste buds change every seven years. I'm glad. I think maybe all of you changes every seven years. This is a good thing. I see things only getting better from here on:)

Through the eyes of a child

2007-01-24T17:22:00.001-07:00

Today I was Miss [LAST NAME] to a classroom of 20 3rd graders. I hope I'm not "that" substitute that weird or mean or the one that they dread. I don't think I am. But I hope not. I know that I am known throughout the school as the sub that wears pointy shoes. Kids...you really make a difference you know? :)

After school today I was taking a group of elementary school students over to location T for their pickup and I was talking with another teacher. We were watching a little boy climb all over a parking space blocker thingy. Yeah, real technical term. I don't know what they're called. They are those cement blocks at the front end of the parking space that tells you you're up far enough and don't go any further. Anyway, he was climbing all over this and using his huge imagination to pretend he was on top of some reptile, scaling his back and chasing someone.

We were laughing and I was thinking how great, he has a wonderful imagination and at the same time thinking, "Some day he'll realize that it's just a piece of cement." The other teacher pointed out something very important. She said something to the point of, "Isn't it amazing how children find excitement in doing, seeing and experiencing almost anything?" I just stood there thinking "Yeah, it really is."

There I was thinking to myself that one day that child will finally realize what the truth is and then he'll wake up. But the truth is, everything around is remarkable and exciting. We as adults have just "lost that lovin' feelin'" about things. We no longer find it exciting because either people have told us the "truth" like I was hoping that boy would recognize or we have taken it for granted.

Why do we feel too stupid to get excited about the little things, to want the mundane or to act silly with friends. Look through the eyes of a child and you'll see "a whole new world" around you. Look through the eyes of a child and everything becomes new and exciting and something ready to conquer and explore. Maybe then we'll get our dreams back or at least remember how to dream.

Change in weather

2007-01-18T15:24:00.000-07:00

Amazing how the weather has gone from 75 to 30 in a matter of two days. I was in shorts and a t-shirt and now I'm in a huge puffy coat with as much clothing on as I can get! And I'm still cold! It actually snowed here overnight and throughout the day! We couldn't believe it. It hasn't snowed here in like five years! I got a taste of what's going on in CO!

And...you know that 24-hour virus they're talking about on the news that's similar to the flu? Yeah, I experienced it last night. In the middle of the night to be exact. It was awful. I never get sick and then all-of-a-sudden there it is.

And today started my ten days of baby-sitting two kids from my church while their parents are in Aruba. I'm a little nervous about keeping them entertained, but excited too!

Oh and I got a job finally. I start on Thursday at the GAP! All of you know what this means for me! Discounts at my two favorite stores: GAP and Banana Republic. Whoo! Hoo! Remember Kathryn, you need to save your money not spend it all on clothes. This is going to be a test of the will I tell you. But I did get a job and they're flexible. Praise the Lord!

Well...I need to go make the kiddos some dinner.

Wednesdays Menu for dinner:
Grilled shrimp
Sauteed zucchini with onion
Linguine with baby portobello mushrooms
Parmesan muffins
Spinach salad

Tonights dinner:
Coconut shrimp
Velveeta shells and cheese
Fruit

New duties

2007-01-12T14:47:00.000-07:00

I have not been myself lately, not at all! There are so many reasons why and so many examples I could share, but we won't go there.

I visited a new church last Sunday to try and find maybe a piece of the small group I had in Colorado. I don't think I ever will, but we still hope! Yeah, well...didn't find it there. I go into this "singles" group on Sunday moring. Oh they're single alright. They range from like 27 to 50 and everything in between. It's mostly single older men. They were very nice and even treated me to lunch, but I just don't think it's going to work out. (Isn't this something you hear when someone is breaking up with you?:))

So I'm trying a new place this Sunday and then the next. Wish me luck.

I have continued in my duties as cook in our house and I'm still loving it. I don't believe I've made anything twice yet. I've been making all sorts of muffins: sweet potato muffins, parmesan muffins, etc. And last night I made Eggplant Chicken Parmigiana with whole wheat pasta and a yummy salad. We are eating well and I think a little too well!

You'll be happy to know that I have started scheduling my vision nights, training, meetings with people and so forth so that I can get this support raising underway. I'm excited! It's been a long time of prep for this.

I'm out to pick my brother up from school. He's sick today:( It's nice to be able to spend any time with him.

Remembering why

2006-12-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

Today I was reminded on many things that I'm thankful for and many reasons as to why.

First off, I'm reading a wonderful book called "The Search for Significance" by Robert S. McGee. Today while sitting in Starbucks drinking my peppermint hot chocolate I was reading about how our parents are to be models of Christ's love for us. And if they aren't the models they are supposed to be, trying as hard as they can, God still puts relationships or friendships in your path as people to be those models for you. As I was reading about this I was reminded of how blessed I am by the many friendships I have all over this country and this world and how truly incredible those people are. I can think of so many examples of times when my friends of shown me Christ's love and been a perfect of example of grace to me. How truly thankful I am.

I also sat down with my mom today to show her the new Pioneers video that I got in the mail a couple of weeks ago. I hadn't even watched it yet. I wanted her to see it so that she would be better acquainted with Pioneers and feel more comfortable with me working with them. But little did I know that I was the one who needed to see it.

I sat there astonished at how my heart was leaping out of my chest and how glad I was that it was doing it. It had been a long time. There were times that I was overwhelmed at what I was hearing and what I was seeing, but more at how the Lord was speaking to me. He was reminding me of my calling. I have been fighting it still, having questions and doubts of what the future holds for me not wanting to trust Him because it was just too difficult. A girl spoke on the video about how a life that is not completely devoted and surrendered to God is no life worth living and I would have to agree. I remember back to even a couple of months ago when I was more surrendered than I have ever been. I was engrossed in the Word and I had a solid group of encouraging believers encouraging me daily and two amazing, amazing girlfriends that spurred me on to holiness. This I miss greatly! The joy and peace I felt was indescribable and I want it back. The problem is that I was depending on them and not God to be my source of encouragement. Christ is my true home. There will be many times while I am overseas that I will be "alone". In those places Christ will be my home. I am understanding now that God is using this time away from my life in Colorado to prepare me for overseas.

God, prepare my heart to make it home for you, to make you my home. Be my complete joy, encouragement and peace. Open my eyes to see you in every facet of this world and allow me to look in the eyes of those who don't know you and see that they too are to be loved and that it's not too late.

Christmas survey

2006-12-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

Christmas MEME

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate-I love flavored ones with marshmallows
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Santa does both in our house, but the wrapped ones are signed by him!
3. Colored Light on Tree/House or White? White
4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope.
5. When do you put your decorations up? Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving. This year it was very gradual.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Pineapple casserole
7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? Waking up to go to the restroom and peering over the banister upstairs to see my dad building a doll house (this was Christmas Eve) that was for me!
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? My best friend in 3rd grade, Angie Auberry, told me one day at school when we were swinging on the monkey bars. I didn't believe and when my mom was tucking me in that night I asked her and she told me the truth and we both just sat there and cried.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Never as a child, but occasionally as we got older.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? It's decorated with a lot of glass-blown ornaments that my mom has collected as well as all the ornaments that us kids have made for them growing up and ones my mom has received from students. It has lights on it and beads.
11. Snow. Love it or dread it? I love it always! I love driving in it and spinning out in parking lots! I love sitting inside by the far with cocoa.
12. Can you ice skate? Yes, but nothing too fancy!
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? My favorite gift was the doll house I mentioned earlier!
14. What’s the most important thing about Christmas to you? Jesus and family.
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Italian Cream Cake
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Reading Luke 2 on Christmas Eve with my family and having friends and neighbors over on Christmas day for dessert and coffee.
17. What tops your tree? Nothing right now.
18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Giving. I like to see their faces when they really love it!
19. What is your favorite Christmas song? "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"
20. Candy Canes. Yuck or Yum? If it's a really good one than it's so yummy. It has to be a really sweet one.

Blog I'm Tagging:
Amy

Perfectionist

2006-12-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

I have learned through a book that I'm reading, "The Search for Significance", that I am a perfectionist. Some of you may be saying, "I'm glad you finally realized that, I have known it for years!". That's what my sister told me this afternoon as I sat at the kitchen table with her telling of my new revelation.

So the book...I have always known that I'm significant in God's eyes. So I was a little disturbed and kind of upset that my new organization made it a requirement for me to read before I left for the field. But I have started it. I have ready at max 50 pages. And through those 50 pages I have learned that I'm a perfectionist. I never considered myself one because I not a person that has to have things "perfect". I always passed it off as "If you're doing going to do the best you can at it than don't do it.". Apparently that's perfectionism.

And we all know that I'm a goal-addict. I love setting goals and acheiving them. That's not so much a big deal as what I do to people while I'm trying to attain the goal! I get so focused on the goal in front of me that I push ahead hard. I love people to do it with me but if they're slowing me down or getting in my way at all I tend to push them out of the way or leave them behind and justify it as they are not goal-oriented and they're the ones with the problems. This, of course, is not true.

The basic truth here is that I find my significance in success. And I believe this has something to do with an earlier post where I had written that I was struggling with what my next fews years held because I wasn't going after "success" in the world's eyes. It was success that no one could see, not even me sometimes and that was hard. I believe God's showing me a lot about myself and what it means to find my success in Him. That may just well be one of the lessons that He wants to teach me through EA. I'm sure there's more, but one thing at a time!

To head back

2006-12-19T07:06:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving South Carolina today after a wonderful time with great friends! I'm driving back to North Carolina for a doctor's appointment and then dinner with great friends in Durham. This has been very beneficial for me:)

Back to routine

2006-12-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

Well...I started back to the routine I had in Colorado-waking up at 4:30am and going to the gym before work. I woke up this morning feeling surprisingly refreshed and ready to go. I didn't feel tired. But...when I started working out I could feel the difference between 5:30 in the morning and 3:30 in the afternoon. It made such a difference. I had to continually keep talking myself into continuing to work out. Got ready at the gym and headed to work. Getting ready didn't take me nearly as long as it normally does. I thought it would take longer being in a place that is not normal. So...I got work a whole hour early. We won't be doing that again! But it's aloud me to sit here and do this so I'm grateful!

Today is a busy day filled with substitute teaching and looking for jobs. I started the job search yesterday and was pleasantly surprised at how nice and helpful people were. I will continue today, hopefully with some tangible evidence of my effort. And tonight me and the fam are headed to the Four Seasons mall to visit my sister who works at Chick-Fil-A over the Christmas break. I haven't had Chick-Fil-A in sooo long! I'm really excited. And...of course we'll do a little shopping. I'm just glad to go out and eat. I've been making dinner almost every night for the fam, which I love to do. But I just miss going out. My friend, Jessica, was right, I go out to eat a lot. I really do. I mean I did. I loved it. I love trying new foods and having great conversation with good friends over food. Call it a Southern bone in me or call it me. Whatever you will, I love it and I miss it. So...needlesstosay, I am excited about tonight's adventure.

Tomorrow morning I leave for Anderson, SC where a friend of mine from college is getting married in the evening. I will make a little pit stop at Concord Mills and do a little shopping! Let's see, what do I need?: a wrap for over my dress at the wedding, a sweater and some Christmas gifts for some friends. I hope I find some good stuff. I have been researching online and looking at what the stores offer so that I know where to go and I can go right in and get it! And I'll be staying the weekend with my very good friend, Sara and her husband. She and I always have a blast together and we're going to do again. And we're going to the bagel shop while I'm there, which we both love and used to go to a lot in college. Oh the good times:)

Speaking of this wedding...I'm a little nervous about it. I haven't seen some of these people in a long time. Like 2.5 years. And the people I have seen in the meantime I haven't talked to very much. I'm really excited don't get me wrong, just a little nervous at the same time. It's kind of like a reunion but not so long.

Buns of steel!

2006-12-09T19:43:00.000-07:00

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree...something, something, something, something.... Yes, that should have been sung to some tune. Sorry, no audio to go along with this. But you can imagine!

Yeah, we got our Christmas tree this afternoon. Me, Jenn and mom went. Surprisingly, it didn't take an hour. It only took about 15 or 20 minutes of actually looking at trees. And we got a really tall one that is very fat. And so it stands in our den with no ornaments and no lights. We're too pooped to do anything with it. That will have to wait until tomorrow.

Oh, the buns of steel title, right! Jenn and I went to an aerobics class this morning that about killed us. It was 90 minutes of sculpting. Craziness I tell you. Absolute madness. My legs feel like jelly as of right now and they really hurt. That should help you imagine how they're going to feel tomorrow.

Ok, question for ya. What do you think about this whole "politically correct" thing that America started last year in regards to Christmas? What about the insanity that is happening this Christmas? I had a friend from Australia ask us last week, "Why is America trying to get rid of God?" Good question. It's sad and a bit frightening. I want to know why no one is standing up for the Christians in all of this? Where are the people fighting for OUR rights as Christians? The rest of this world is protecting everyone but Christians and no one seems to care. Do we have Christian lawyers? ARE YOU OUT THERE? (Little bit of a tangent!)

Anyway, what do you think about the whole thing? More importantly, what are you going to do about it?

I do what I don't want to do

2006-12-07T18:45:00.000-07:00

I went to a Bible study this morning with my mom. It's a very popular one. In fact, there's a waiting list to get in. We were invited by one of the teachers. Anyway, they were discussing Romans 7. Starting in verse 14 Paul is talking about how he doesn't do what he wants to do and he does do what he doesn't want to do. Amen brother! Anyone else totally agree with what Paul was saying?

I think this characteristic may be the only way that I am like Paul, at least right now. But it's comforting. He was a pretty mature believer and yet, there is he his talking about the exact frustrations that I often feel. I'm so glad he was so honest and not too proud to write about his struggles. It helps to remind people like me that I'm not a hopeless case and I don't have to be perfect.

Yay for open hearts and fast fingers!

Is it number 1?

2006-12-04T14:47:00.000-07:00

I had a five hour drive back from Charleston today and I got to do a lot of thinking. I think that's the first time in a long time that I've been completely alone with my thoughts. I haven't been able to hear God speaking into my life very much lately. It's my fault because I haven't been spending time with Him. But I started to hear again ever so faintly today. It was soooo nice!

I've been thinking a lot about my dreams lately. The SVP at KBM asked me during my exit interview what my dreams for my life were. (I think I've talked about this before.) Sitting there with him, I told him the absolute truth (at least all that I knew at the time.)

I must admit, I'm very comfused at this time in my life. It seems that when I am immersed in Christ I have no dreams or desires to speak of and when I haven't been spending time with God I have so many things that I want to do and want to become. I'm wondering what that is about. There are two things that I can think of. One, that it is about my heart and mind being immersed in the world vs. Christ. Two, that it is about surrendering. The sond, "I Surrender All" by Clay Crosse talks about it. He says that sometimes you have to surrender your hopes and dreams. Yeah, I think that's it. That, by far, is the hardest thing for me to do. I have so many things that I want to do. There are so many things I want to accomplish, see, be and walk into. Sometimes I feel like life is too short to be able to do them all. Some of them include:

1. Go to graduate school for International Business
2. Go to law school.
3. Work at the UN.
4. Live in New England.
5. Live in Europe.
6. Get married.
7. Have lots of kids.
8. Live in a really big city.
9. See all seven continents.
10. See all the wonders of the world (modern and ancient).

There are plenty more. The list never seems to end and I keep adding things to it everyday. When the SVP asked me what my dreams were I couldn't think of ANY of those. Now I can. I contribute it to a few things. But I'm trying desperately to understand what God's doing. That may never happen. It's the trust thing I guess. Working on it:)

Another startling thing...my friend, Dimity, was here right after Thanksgiving and we got to talking about the topic of marriage with my mom one evening in the sunroom. Dimity says that she feels like that's her calling. Although I would love to get married and have heaps of children. I don't feel like it's my calling. She asked a very good question, "How much of a priority is getting married to you?" Well, I don't know. I wouldn't say it's at the ultimate number one. It's definitely up there, but I can say now that it's not number one. Like I said earlier, I have so many things I want to accomplish and do in life. In all seriousness, I would be honored and blessed to serve alongside the man that God has for me (if He does). But I need someone as driven as I am and who'll let me go for my dreams and goals as far-fetched as they may seem.

I've always said two things: "Crazy people get things done." and "If you want something bad enough, there is absolutely a way to get it. You just have to be willing to work hard and never quit." ~Kathryn :)

So...there are the thoughts that I've been dieing to put down all day.

I'm back in the States!

2006-11-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

I'm back from East Asia! It was a great trip! Thanks for helping me get there everyone! I'll share more later!

I'm definitely here!

2006-11-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

Well...here I am sitting in an apartment in East Asia. It's been so neat so far! This country is nothing like I thought it was. I guess I was pretty naive! It's a great city and wonderful people. The smells are a little funky sometimes and people smoke a whole lot but it's still wonderful.

I have managed to do a few "oops" so far. I was at the KFC in the airport and tried to buss my own table by taking my tray to the trash and the girl who is supposed to buss the table began screaming at me in another language while flailing her arms at me. And just yesterday when i was walking around by myself I decided to take a taxi and when I tried to tip the guy he started yelling at me as well. Apparently you're not supposed to tip, or they don't know they can ask for tips. I don't really mind, more money in my pocket!

I leave the day after tomorrow to another city for about six days and then back to the States! Just in time for Thanksgiving!

Please send all comments to my email. Thanks so much! Love ya'll!

Tomorrow's the day!

2006-11-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

Well...I leave tomorrow morning bright and early on my trip to East Asia. I can't believe it's here already. It has completely sneaked up on me! But here it is. It's funny. I mean, the way I'm acting about this trip. Watching me and talking to me you'd think I was flying to Atlanta tomorrow or something. I packed late tonight and I'm kind of flippant about flying to the other side of the world by myself. I think it's my way of being "tough Kathryn" to everyone and to myself. You know?

Anyway, leaving tomorrow, making a little pitstop through Newark and then straight on to Asia. I am loaded with bags and bags of chocolate chips for the friends over there. You can't get them there so everyone has requested them! I come bearing gifts:) How fun!

I don't really know what to expect. I've heard that's a good thing. I don't really. But we'll see. I'm taking my camera and some snacks. We all know what tends to happen to me when I go overseas. And as much as I would like to lose a lot of pounds very quickly, I shouldn't do it that way, so I'm coming prepared!

Well...of to bed. 3:30am comes early! Love you all! Thank you for your prayers, they're needed!

Back in the Carolinas

2006-11-06T11:43:00.000-07:00

Well...after many, many miles back to North Carolina I arrived Friday night. It was a beautiful drive. Last time I drove cross-country I took I-70 (yuck!). This time I took I-40 and it was wonderful. New Mexico and Arkansas are two states I had never been through before and they were gorgeous! I highly recommend them!

Oh, little side note: my brother's high school burned down last Wednesday. We don't hear from him all week but he calls us on the road to tell us that he can roast marshmellows over his school now. Yep, burned right down to the ground. They're suspecting arson by one or more of the students. Crazy!

It's been nice to be home. I leave again on Wednesday morning for East Asia for two weeks. I'm excited to go meet some new people! I would appreciate the prayers. I won't be writing on this again until I get back.

Road trippin' it

2006-11-02T06:24:00.000-07:00

I'm in Okalahoma. I'm on my way back to NC from CO. Yesterday we drove through four states: Colorado, New Mexico, Texas and Oklahoma. We've seen a lot though. Tuesday we went to Pike's Peak, The Airforce Academy and Garden of the Gods. Yesterday we saw the Western Hemisphere's largest cross, mesas and great landforms (as my mom would say) and this morning we're headed to the Oklahoma City Bombing National Memorial. We will be sleeping in Memphis tonight and see Graceland tomorrrow as well as the Grand Ole Opry.

I have left Colorado and no longer live there. It was a very sad goodbye with many tears shed. But everyone was so awesome in letting me know how much they cared. Thanks ya'll! I leave for East Asia for two weeks in only 6 days! I can't believe it! I'm really excited!

Got to run now.

She has returned

2006-10-18T11:24:00.000-06:00

I am finally back in Denver. I am glad to be back as this traveling for over two weeks has worn me out and made me miss consistency in schedule. Back to routine. There's something comforting in that!

We arrived in Buckley, MI to freezing cold weather and about 8 inches of snow. Target met us head on as we picked up some much needed scarves, hats and gloves. The whole time we were in Michigan we were hearing about how Denver was having 80 degree weather. We were anxious to get back to that. That was short-lived though. We arrived Monday night with it feeling nice. Tuesday morning greeted us with cold weather and by lunch time it was snowing and a mere 30 degrees. This morning I awoke to 25 degree weather and a car covered in ice. It took me forever to pull open my car door:)

The following happened while I was away:

1) Caleb and Jessica Bislow had their little baby boy, Joshua Trace. He is adorable and so tiny!
2) I booked my flight to East Asia scheduled to leave November 8th for a survey trip.
3) The cops broke into our apartment and stormed through it with guns!

And so today...kidding...I'll explain the last one.

Our very interesting neighbors hadn't seen me or my roomate for a while and so they thought to themselves, "Hmmm, maybe their dead in there." So instead of calling the apartment complex they called 911 and told them that something had happened to us and they needed to come over and check it out. So the police come over to our apartment and break in. They opened every door in the apartment and stormed through with guns raised high. (All of this with our front door wide open for our neighbors to gawk and stare. They called our emergency contacts and we had all of these people calling us making sure we weren't dead. What an ordeal!

But hey, at least we know that if something does happen to us someone will notice and do something about it. Life is so crazy!

I had lunch with my friend, Becky, yesterday. Her husband is currently in India so she and I had a little girl time since I had the day off. We went to this restaurant that I've been dying to try called The House of Commons. The address says it's on 15th St. but it's actually located on Platte. It's an English Tea House and it's adorable. Everything is shipped in from England and it's delicious. About 30 different teas are given as choices for hot or iced tea. They have scones and other English desserts and sandwiches that are wonderful. An English woman owns it. They do afternoon tea as well. Anyway, I'm getting side-tracked. Becky and I were there 2 1/2 hours! We talked about when she and Norm were dating at Moody Bible Institute and we talked about what God was doing in our lives and we talked about the future. We laughed a lot and ate good food and watched the snow fall on the streets of Denver.

Yesterday was such a wonderful day for me. I experienced so many little things that really made me want to thank God. I had lunch with a dear friend. I experienced Denver's first snow fall before I left. I got to see a new life brought into the world. I got to pray and be there for a friend whose father just died. I got to laugh and congratulate a friend who just got engaged. Those little things you know. They make life worth living. They make me thankful that God is who He is. He is joy. He is peace. He is comfort. He is life. "Just remember God as much as you can." ~Dave Ward Live life. Love doing it. Remember God has much as you can. What more could I want or need? I'm lovin' life RIGHT NOW!

On the go!

2006-10-09T06:30:00.000-06:00

I am currently in Anderson, SC do an assessment for work. It's been fun to see some really close friends while here and today I'm headed to Columbia, SC for some interviews. It's fun but tiring, with all the traveling and eating out and the go, go, go.

Last week was amazing and I did get appointed which means I'm headed out for sure! Right now I'm working on a survey trip in East Asia. It's going to be in less than a month, which is so crazy, but exciting! (Hopefully it all works out!)

Just keeping ya'll posted. I gotta run!

Am I really here?

2006-10-02T13:31:00.000-06:00

So I'm here in Orlando, FL at COP for Pioneers. I wouldn't be here without God's provision and faithfulness in my life and I'm only here because He wants me here.

I sat in the session yesterday afternoon watching a video on reaching the world for Christ and why it must be done and why am I going? I thought to myself "Am I really here? Is this possible? Is my dream finally becoming a reality?" Yes, I am here; this is possible; my dream is becoming my reality. It's true. I couldn't believe. I still can't. I feel like pinching myself every a few times each day just to check. Even sitting here, it feels unbelievable.

I have been waiting for this call in my life for years. I've been waiting to be able to "go". This has been my hearts longing and cries.

I would not be happier doing anything else. For so many years I felt out of place here in America and knew that this was not to be my home. God was calling me somewhere else (other than Heaven) to make my home. I am headed there! I couldn't be more excited!

I have spent the last 22 hours talking with people who have all served overseas in places like Bosnia, Papua New Guinea, Nigeria, India, Hungry, Indonesia, etc. Their stories will rock your world! They open your eyes to see that we serve a big God that can do ANYTHING. How often do I doubt? I often do I put God in a box? Holy cow! Look and see what the Lord has done and see that He is good!

I have been praying that God would give me more clarity on where in the country I'm supposed to be heading and He is faithful. I came here with five options that I was considering but has so far narrowed it down to two. So...keep praying!

Goal accomplished-what's next?

2006-09-28T09:29:00.000-06:00

I ran my first half marathon on Sunday and I did it with my dad. He flew out to Colorado on Friday and we hung out all weekend going to a Board of Directors dinner at KBM and then piddled around on Saturaday and watched the Arkansas/Alabama game (what an upset!).

He and I left on Sunday morning at 6:00am to drive to Boulder with the race starting at 8:00am. It took me 2 hours and 17 minutes. 13.1 miles! The bigger thing to me isn't that I ran that distance but that I ran for over two hours! I mean who does that much cardio in one day! But it was a lot of fun and I'm so glad I did it! It was one of my personal goals for 2006 and it's accomplished!

What do I do next? Marathon? Triathalon? Dad said NOT to call him when I decide to do a marathon (he's already done one!). I really am a goal addict. :)

No Angst

2006-09-25T11:42:00.000-06:00

I noticed something about myself this morning and last night. Here I am leaving this life that I've worked so hard to build for myself. I've worked at building lasting relationships with people here in Colorado and here I am leaving it not even two years later. I started working with the high school girls in January of this year only to leave it in October. I have been working at this job for about a year and half working my way through the organization trying to show people that I can do this job and I can do it well. I have finally gotten to the place with people that they not only respect me but they love me, truly care for me and believe in me. And now I'm leaving it.

But there is a peace that is all around me and all over me and around me.

I am at a job where I've been given a lot of responsibilities that most 24 year olds would only dream about this early in their career. I'm thankful and honored. And right now I am training others to do what I've worked so hard to do. I'm passing on the baton. I'm training others to do my job.

I have been recruiting girlfriends of mine in the church to start working with the high school girls because they need someone after I leave. Last night we had a fellowship night with about 90 students there (that's huge since there was only about 15 coming in March!). These girls showed up last night ready to meet the girls and hang out with them. The youth were excited. I was introducing and trying to make people feel comfortable with each other. I stood there looking around realizing that I am passing on the baton there as well. I will always love those youth girls and they will keep a special place in my heart, but the time will come when they will be going to these new helpers for advice and laughter instead of me.

The thing about both of these situations is that I am not jealous of the others coming in to take my place. I don't really feel like it's my place to take. That peace that I was talking about is telling me over and over again that my time here is up. I don't feel angst about it. I am happy to see others carrying it on. I don't always understand it, but God is moving me forwards to do something else. I know pieces of what that is.

It's just wonderful to see how God has grown in me and brought me to this point. It wonderful to see how, although I am leaving and was worried about who will do what I've been doing, there was no need, God is providing and more abundantly than any of us had thought or imagined. Funny huh...how He always does that!

A brother's mercy

2006-09-18T07:58:00.000-06:00

Since Friday night there has been a tugging on my heart of conviction. Thursday night I called a brother out. I did it in front of everyone. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have done it in front of others. I shouldn't have done it the way I did. I shouldn't have done it all. I was completely wrong!

Most of Friday I was still trying to justify my actions. It wasn't until Friday night that I started thinking, I have just damaged something here. And Saturday morning while talking to a friend, I knew that I needed to apologize, I just didn't want to because of a lot of other issues. God was breaking me, but I wasn't broken yet.

Sunday morning's sermon was on loving the least of these; loving sinners. I knew right from the start that this message was speaking directly to me so I opened my heart and told God to hit right where it hurt. He had something to tell me and I wanted to listen and hear it!

And boy did He speak! I was so convicted that me, this person in "ministry" was horrible at loving the least of these. The fact is, I don't know that many people that aren't Christians. I pretty much love those people that are like me. They're the easiest to love you know. But hey, didn't Jesus talk something about loving those that are easy to love vs. loving those that are hard to love? Yeah, I think He did.

I am a religious person.

Sunday afternoon I was watching a movie that a friend let me borrow, "Luther". (Very good btw.) I saw Luther reaching out to people and loving on them despite what the church said he should be doing as someone in clergy. There is was again.

And finally I was broken. I needed forgiveness, not only from God but from this brother of mine.

I wanted to meet with him in person but wouldn't see him for a few more days so I gave him a call and asked for his forgiveness, which he freely gave. I thought that would probably be the end of the whole conversation. He asked why I was doing and I explained. And then he blew me away. In a moment where he had every right to scold me and bury me with shame he showered mercy and grace on me and even encouraged me. I was so stunned and shocked that I couldn't say anything. In those few little words that he spoke to me I experienced Christ through someone else like I have NEVER felt or seen in my entire life. Isn't that the perfect representation of Christ?

Afterwards it made me laugh because even after I thought I had "learned the lesson" God was still teaching me. He showed me that yes, I am way too judgmental of most of everyone and have an incredible pride about me that does not glorify God and further the Kingdom. If anything, it damages it and pushes people away. That is not my intent ever, if anything, I want to push people towards God and the love that He has for them. But in my own attempts I fail and bring shame instead of succeed and bring glory.

But today is a new day and God is full of grace and mercy for me and my faults for which I am incredibly thankful!

Something of it all

2006-09-11T12:49:00.000-06:00

Yesterday forced me to do a lot of thinking and pondering on a few things, mainly my relationship with God. The service at church was convicting for me on a few levels. Our worship leader talked about how if we don't look at God as our all and completely enough for us and we value anything more than we value God than we are serving a different God. It kind of annoyed me at first, but he's right. It's idolatry. What or whomever I love more, care about more, think about more, live for more, that is what or who I love more. That or who is the God I truly serve. For me a lot of times it's exercise. I think a lot of people would say that it's sleep. I don't have trouble with getting up early in the morning, I struggle with spending too much time worrying about getting enough cardio in before I worry about spending time with God. And you would have thought that maybe my lack of time with God has something to do with my lack of self-control, which is why I eat more than I should leading to the reason I have to do more cardio than any sane person should ever do! It's a cycle that keeps repeating itself.

All of that was before the sermon even started. Then came good ol' Jim. He spoke about sheeps and goats (way more to it than I'm telling you). But my heart was focused on something that he said briefly about martyrs in this world. He was talking about them in a different mindset but said something little about how they do what they do because they are truly burdened for the hearts of men. They hate what God hates and they love what He loves. I tell you this is something I struggle with a lot! I love people so much but I get so frustrated with them. All different walks of life and I get so annoyed. I know that THIS is not from God. This is not a heart that is like the Lord's. This is not a heart that is burdened for the hearts of other men. This is not a heart that loves what He loves and hates what He hates. But I want it to be.

My God is a god of love. My God IS love. To know God is to know love. God did so much in my heart yesterday and spoke to me about my own life and my relationshiip with Him.

I have been so focused on spending time with people here before I leave that I have forgotten the most important relationship I have. I have spent a ton of time with people lately but it has been wasted. I have not gone to the source first and foremost, therefore not able to love people the way I should and not being able to give out of the overflow of my heart. I've been trying to reach into my reserve. I have not gone into this time with people with purpose. I've just been existing with them and not giving it my best or my all. I have wasted it. I'm sorry.

Trying to refocus here and get back on track. All is wasted without having been developing that FIRST relationship.

I'm narrowing what people group I'm working with. It's exciting!

Morroccan

2006-09-08T14:00:00.000-06:00

I went with my friends, Caleb and Jessica Bislow, to Mataam Fez's (a Morroccan place) for dinner Wednesday night! I was so excited to go because I love to try things that are really different, especially culturally! It was so great! We had to take our shoes off, which was so nice after a day at work and then sit on big fluffy pillows indian style. It's a five-course meal with soup and bread, a sort of salad taster things, a "sweet appetizer" that was to die for, then your main course (I got a cornish hen baked with honey, peaches and almonds and then some veggies and cous cous (which I love!)), and then your dessert which was some fruit and mint tea! Everything was delicious and so laid back. I told them, "this would make a great first date place!". It really would. All you guys out there, take note, not just for me but for any time in the future that you want to take a girl out! It was so fun and the food was delicious:)

Pics from the weekend!

2006-09-08T13:53:00.000-06:00

Okay so we went to the Taste of Colorado and then to the Aquarium for dinner. Delicious food everywhere we went! Basically a bunch of pics of me and my friends. There are a couple that need noting though. All I wanted the whole day was corn on the cob. So...I got some and it was everything I hoped it would be and more! It was drenched in butter and lots of salt and oh so good! Ok there's a pic of me and Mike with our tamborine man! This guy was at the Karaoke place we went to on Saturday night! He was there wearing the same thing singing the same song that he sang at Taste of Colorado! His tamborine and all! Mike and I just had to get a picture with him although he doesn't know it:) Who plays a tamborine anymore?

What a great weekend!

2006-09-07T19:58:00.000-06:00

I know this comes a little late but I just got time! I had such a wonderful Labor Day weekend. I hung out with friends all weekend going out to eat, karaoke, making them dinner, and just laughing about when we were young. It was hilarious! (Pics to come later!)

I had my yard sale on Saturday morning. It was a success in my book cause I made some good money. Although I only sold about half of my stuff. So...I'm doing it again this Saturday and after this weekend I'll just give everything away.

Friday night was more emotional than I thought it would be with me pulling out everything I was going to sell. And Saturday, the stuff that hardest for me to sell was all of my kitchen stuff. I love to cook and bake for people so much and it's such a huge part of my life. It was hard to sell it each time. I just looked at all of this stuff that I had been given as gifts or I had accumulated through the years and it was kind of sad. But you'll notice I keep calling it "stuff" and that's all it is. It's just "stuff". It's replaceable and not a big deal really. It's just something I'm working on taking out of my life in preparation for the next chapter and hopefully all of my future. I definitely don't want to known as a person who likes "stuff" and loves to spend money on junk, which is what I'm known for now. I want to not only invest my time in people but I want to invest my money in people and things that really matter.

Sure stuff is nice to have and it makes me look important and feel important but it doesn't make me important. What are thoughts and feelings when you don't have the facts to back it up? So...working on getting rid of "stuff".

I have bought my ticket to Orlando and I have my schedule and I am on my way! God is definitely good to me. So thankful!

Pray for me, I haven't been feeling well. Thanks!

One day...

2006-09-01T14:58:00.000-06:00

Oldies but goodies and still very special!

2006-09-01T14:54:00.000-06:00

2006-09-01T14:51:00.000-06:00

2006-09-01T14:46:00.000-06:00

Kristen's wedding!

2006-09-01T14:42:00.000-06:00

Well...a picture of the whole eXodus group. Then me and some of the honorary bridesmaid upholding a tradition of picking up the bride! And a picture of me plunging the toilet in the bride's cottage before the wedding even started! No I did not clog it! Someone else did, but the bride had to use the bathroom and she was already dressed, so I did it. Good times!

Friends: Old and New

2006-09-01T14:39:00.000-06:00

This is the rehearsal dinner and the lingerie shower for Kristen's wedding last weekend. I think you can figure out which one is which!

Me and the fam for Chris' 17th birthday!

2006-09-01T14:37:00.000-06:00

Time in Charleston!

2006-09-01T14:34:00.000-06:00

God has done it again!

2006-09-01T11:43:00.000-06:00

I know that some of you know the details of what's been going on in my life. I'll explain more...

I was looking between two different missions agencies of who to go with to East Asia. I have decided on one and very excited about it! This agency is support-based and their training in October (which I'm required to go to) costs $450 and then there's a flight there. I don't have this money, nor will I. So I was praying that God would provide it for me and that He would just give it to me!

He did! I shared my need with people around me and with my small group and prayer partners. Last night after the study was over at small group they presented me with a card and $805 to pay for the training and flight to the place! I couldn't believe it! I sat there shocked and my body limp from shock. I sobbed like a baby! I was just so overwhelmed and overcome by the care of each of them. I really was just overwhelmed that people would do that for me! It was so loving and so thoughtful and so God! I never doubted that He would provide, never! I just had no idea how He would go about it, you know?

This whole journey has been one of faith and it continues to hold to that. God has already been sending me monthly supporters for this next journey and I haven't even completely signed on yet. God's hand is in this and it's so awesome to see Him working everything out and before I even get to attempt it myself!

Praise God for His faithfulness yet again in my life!

Happy 20th!

2006-08-31T13:24:00.000-06:00

Norm and Becky Wretlind, Pastor Abraham from India and me at KBM's 20th Anniversary Celebration! There's also a picture of me and my dear friend, Holly (with baby Zoe) who has moved away:( So sad! And then there's me and summer team who came to visit me one night at 1 a.m. (That's why I'm in my pj's! But we had a great time talking and eating Krisy Kreme doughnuts! Yummy!

The Beautiful Mountains!

2006-08-31T13:07:00.000-06:00

So hear I am somewhere close to Mt. Evans. I think I'm actually on it. Not sure. And I'm in one with Jenn and Chris and then there's the beautiful Colorado Rockies!

Lots of changes

2006-08-16T16:02:00.000-06:00

Well...here goes.

I have resigned from Kingdom Building Ministries.

God has been working in my heart so much in the past year, but mostly in the past six months, it's been amazing!

God has always given me a heart for the nations. Well, since high school anyway. I heard God's tugging on my heart the summer after my senior year in high school, but I wasn't ready for that. It scared me. So I went on for years being highly interested, but that was as far as I would let my heart go.

Last summer God took my heart to another level and I was ready to make the step to some degree. But it was a question of will I obey or won't I? And...the timing wasn't right.

With my job being kind of up in the air after August I really started seeking God on what my next steps would be. Was it time to move on? Or was this a waiting time for me?

At the beginning of June, with much preparation done on my heart, God asked me if I would go internationally for Him and on behalf of Him. This time it was different because I had grown since last summer. It was no longer a question of will I be obedient. I had to be obedient. I wanted to be obedient no matter the cost.

I never want God to not find me dependable. I don't ever want Him to think that He can't ask anything of me because I didn't do what He asked last time.

The big question...do I fear anything more than I fear hurting my relationship with Him? No! I don't want to hurt that relationship, that's why obedience to WHATEVER He asks me to do is a must and not a question. I told Him that I surrendered all to Him, and everything that I'm aware I needed to surrender has been surrendered. My life is His and others, not even mine, especially not mine.

I asked that God confirm the calling through scripture. He did; multiple times! He confirmed it in Hebrews, in Exodus, in Isaiah and in John. It was amazing.

So at the beginning of June, I knew that international ministry was my next step after KBM. But where to? The world is a big place! So...I started praying about that one too! God continually put a country on my heart, one that I've never wanted to go to, but I couldn't fight it any longer.

I am headed to east Asia for two years! But when?

Immediately! God put an urgency on my heart that this needed to start happening now and I didn't need to wait on it. So I haven't. I have applied with two organizations and am waiting to hear back. My goal is to leave for overseas at the beginning of 2007. I am leaving KBM at the end of October.

This has all happened so quickly I know, but God's hand is all over this and I'm ready! God is still preparing me for this and teaching me so much along the way about myself, our relationship, faith, trusting Him (right now I have no idea what I'll do there or where I'll go inside that country!) and leaving my life in America behind. I have moments where I'm sad and worried about how in the world is He going to use ME? But God is good and reassures me over and over that His power is made perfect in my weakness and where I'll go and what I'll do is not for me to know right now. I am to trust and follow just like Abraham!

So...here I go!

Tops

2006-08-11T09:37:00.000-06:00

The tops:

5 best books I've ever read:

Bible-by far!
Peace Child-Don Richardson
Redeeming Love-Francine Rivers
A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael-Elisabeth Elliot
The Emotionally Healthy Church-? Picazzi

5 best restaurants I've ever been to:

The Carnivore (Nairobi, Kenya, Africa)
Heidi's (deli in Denver)
Nico's (NYC, NY)
Sullivan's (metropolitan grill in Anderson, SC)
The Blue Pumpkin (Siem Reap, Cambodia, Asia)

5 best places I've been to on travels:

Massaii Mara game reserve (Kenya, Africa)
Taj Mahal (India, Asia)
Grand Tetons (Wyoming, USA)
Appalachain Trail (Eastern part of USA)
Floating Village (Siem Reap, Cambodia, Asia)

5 best restaurants for sweet tea:

Rush's (Columbia, SC)
Tommy Condon's (Charleston, SC)
McCalister's Deli (Irmo, SC)
Sullivan's (Anderson, SC)
My mom's house (Greensboro, NC)

5 best comfort foods:

German Chocolate Cake Ice Cream (from anywhere)
Pineapple
Turkey Sandwich with Provolone (toasted)
White Chocolate Mocha
McDonald's: Big & Tasty w/ cheese, fries and a coke (and maybe a strawberry shake!)

5 best places to take a nap:

My bed
The couch in my parent's sunroom at their house
The love seat in the prayer room at KBM
The recliner in my den
My parent's bed

5 best names for my future dog:

Fred
Boomer
Caddy
Eleanor
Anderson

Sillyness!

Never been happier!

2006-08-10T13:38:00.000-06:00

I went to Starbucks today to get some alone time with God and was struck with awe and adoration for Him. I love those moments! I sat there thinking of what He's called me to and how my life will be ever radically changed! Let me preface this by saying that people are constantly telling me what my life should entail and what it should look like. And so I wrote in my journal this afternoon:

I know that nothing and no one (including a husband) will EVER make me as happy as I am at this moment!

I know I won't always feel this way, so I need to be reminded. But it's there. The joy of a life complete (as complete as it can be right now!)!

Game on!

2006-08-02T12:48:00.000-06:00

I've picked my team. We did it this morning at 8:00 am and I'm really excited! I really wish the season started this Sunday, but it doesn't. I'll have to be patient. Here's my team:

RB: LaDainian Tomlinson
RB: Willis McGahee
RB: Frank Gore
RB: Dominic Rhodes
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Deion Branch
WR: Braylon Edwards
WR: Laveranues Coles
QB: Matt Hasselbeck
QB: Jake Plummer
TE: Jason Witten
TE: Eric Johnson
K: Neil Rackers
K: Jeff Reed
DEF: Baltimore
DEF: Buffalo

So...what do you think? I'm excited and the boys are scared!

Well...tonight I will be buying wedding presents and birthday presents, playing ultimate frisbee and packing for next week! This is such a crazy week! And...I'll have all of you know (you people that call me high maintenance) that I am not checking a bag. I will be in the southeast for a week and in a wedding while I'm there and will only be carrying on a bag. I'm serious:)

Fantasy Football

2006-08-01T17:14:00.000-06:00

That's right, I've joined a league! Me and the three girls that are in this league (with six guys) are the coolest girls they know! :) And yeah, you guessed it! One of us girls is going to win! We've researched the teams and the players and the guys are way intimidated now! Wish me luck:)

Relaxation and change

2006-07-31T16:50:00.000-06:00

This weekend was by far one of the most relaxing weekends I've had in quite a while! Soccer game and dinner made up my Friday night. White-water rafting, lunch, baking, dinner and movie watching made up my Saturday. And on Sunday I went to church, lunch with the students, tanning by the pool (sun baking is what my friend Dimity likes to call it!) and a cookout with ultimate frisbee with the youth group followed by Cold Stone with friends! It was just a whole lot of fun really! So nice!

And yes, I mentioned change. There's a lot of change headed my way at this moment! It's really excited and I'm ready to get it underway. God's doing amazing things in my life and I'm still stunned to see all that's happening. Keep praying for me. I can't share the details at this moment, but I will soon!

Brazil team is back!

2006-07-27T17:05:00.000-06:00

Well...I've spent the week on vacation with the family. We went rafting on Sunday and camping on Monday and Tuesday night. It rained the most of the time but we had a great a hike! My mom even went! She was a real trooper! But I'm back now and I picked the students up from the airport this morning! It was so great to see them and hang out over lunch hearing their stories of what God did!

Michelle was bitten by a piranha! And they baptized 53 people and led 31 people into a relationship with Jesus! It was awesome!

Well...back to vacation tomorrow and my last soccer game! Championship baby! And Saturday...rafting again! Later.

Desserts

2006-07-19T16:03:00.000-06:00

My top 10 desserts:

1. Apple Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream
2. Chocolate Chip Cookies with Vanilla Ice Cream
3. Brownies with Vanilla Ice Cream
[Are you seeing a pattern?]
4. German Chocolate Cake Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins
5. Plain Cheesecake
6. Apple Crisp with Vanilla Ice Cream
7. Blackberry Cobbler with Vanilla Ice Cream
8. Italian Cream Cake
9. Lemon Pound Cake
10. Red Velvet Cake

Now, can I make it all?

Crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-15T15:40:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I'm back from Durango and what should have been a six hour drive took nine and half hours because of construction in Pagosa Springs and people driving 35 mph in a 60. Aaagghhhh!!!!!!

And I got back just in time for our soccer game last night, which we won and we're now going to the playoffs! I'm so excited cause my parents will get to see my last game too! They'll be in town for it and I'm excited because they haven't watched me play sports since high school. It will feel like old times:)

Well...I learned a lot at youth camp. First of all, Charlie Hall and his band were awesome and I think that's where I learned the most. He spoke a lot about how he came to write the words to his songs and what they meant to him and what that means for us. It got me thinking a lot and really challenged me. One of his songs is about how God is all I need. Whether I'm rich or poor, He's enough. And he spoke about giving all he could hold just to have Jesus. Would I? Am I willing to do that?

I don't remember if it was him or David Nasser but one of them was talking about how when Jesus called His followers to follow them He asked them to leave everything behind to do so. They didn't wait a few days or a few months, and they didn't say goodbye to people. They were so overcome and so convicted of their calling that they just left and followed Jesus. Why is that when Jesus puts a calling on my life I have to get everything in order in my life to do so first? Doesn't make a whole lot of sense does it?

Another thing...those "followers" of Jesus were marked "crazy" by others who didn't understand. They were marked "radical". You would have to be crazy or a radical to follow Jesus wherever even if it meant bringing harm to yourself or living in danger and uncertainty. I want to be crazy. Mark me as crazy. Call me a radical. Please don't ever call me a normal Christian. Don't ever label me as like all the rest. Don't ever say to me that I'm "safe". And please don't ever say that I'm comfortable. I don't want to be any of those things. Look at the followers of Jesus. Look at those who gave up their life for the sake of Jesus and the gospel. Look at them. Really look at their lives and then read everything that others said about them. They weren't normal. And thank God they weren't! Look what their "craziness", uncomfortability, and radicalness brought to others. It brought them the gospel. It showed others what really taking up your cross meant. It showed me what a heart set on fire for God looks like.

I pray my heart never looks to the people around me for examples but that it only looks to the one who made it. He was a radical and He was uncomfortable yet lovable. He was gracious yet confrontational. He was all of these things because He had to be. May I be the same, following ever so closely at His heals that I pick up every word His heart speaks.

Seriously, are you a "normal" Christian or are you living like "radical" that others label as "crazy"? I hope it's the latter. I want to be the latter.

Student Life Camp

2006-07-12T17:55:00.000-06:00

Hey ya'll! I'm currently in Durango, CO at Student Life Camp with eight of our high schoolers from my churches youth group: four guys, four girls, me and the youth minister. Man is this tiring! I had no idea! I am worn out although I am getting about 7 hours of sleep a night. I am just so tired cause we're in the sun all day and running around without breaks and of course, eating bad. But we're having a great time. I've been allowed the opportunity to lead the Bible study times. I hope I'm not messing with their heads too much:) The group is definitely coming together as far as getting to know each other and becoming friends. I think my greatest fear is that they walk away from this camp as having just had "fun" all week. Fun is not bad. Fun is great! But the stuff we're talking about and learning about this week are awesome subjects!

You all know me well enough to know that I am dead on serious and excited about people living their life abundantly, full of purpose and on mission with God. I want these students so badly to grab hold of this as well and really make it a part of their lives. Pray with me, would ya? A little help here.

Can I tell you that Charlie Hall and his band are doing an awesome job leading worship? Yeah, great job. And...all the leaders at this camp are from the South and I mean really far down South. And so yes, that means that my southern draw has immerged from below and it's much more obvious that I too am from the South! We will rise again:)

Love you all!

Pictures everybody!

2006-07-06T17:18:00.000-06:00

All of us went down to Confluence Ministries on this Saturday to help with their big block party to the community. This is going to be a community center downtown Denver to minister to Hispanics in the neighborhood. Me, Ginger, Bethany, Shannon and John have been helping to fix up the building for about a month. Here are Dimity and Michelle making those yummy hotdogs!

What's Matthew got in his mouth?

Amy, Matthew, Chad, Justin and Me taking a little break.

John, Bethany and Shannon

I'm trying to hoola hoop...

...and so did Shannon!

Gabriel had the right idea. By the end of the day we were all beat!

Pics

2006-07-06T17:14:00.000-06:00

Apparently Justin and Matthew are pretty close:)

Gabriel, Justin and Matthew singing praise to our God during the worship service we had on top of the mountain!

This was our view from that worship service we had.

More pics

2006-07-06T17:10:00.000-06:00

The students went climbing, but not as high as the guy below!

You see the climber on the right? That will be me one day!

The "Kissing Camels" at Garden of the Gods, Colorado Springs, CO.

Aren't the Rocky Mountains wonderful to look at? I don't ever get tired of seeing them!

I've got pics!

2006-07-06T17:06:00.000-06:00

I found this very fun and silly sign while driving through Idaho Springs. I laughed for a long while!

Ginger, Bethany and Me. We are perfectly joyous after having Starbucks. (We made a little trip into town.:))

John, Shannon and Mark on the camping trip. I think they are a little too happy for having slept on the ground all night.

Brazil team

2006-07-06T11:08:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone. I wanted to let you know that you can go to the KBM website and check out our e-journal and you can see what the team is doing each day in Brazil. If you go backwards you can see what they've been doing over the past month. It's a wonderful resource that we have. Check it out if you have time!

So much

2006-07-05T15:42:00.000-06:00

I'm having a really down day. Feeling very blah! I slept in until 7:00! I think that is part of my problem. But yeah, I feel yuck today and just kind of sad. I'm having a little pity party for myself waiting for today to be over so that I can go back to my normal self tomorrow. I hope I'm back tomorrow otherwise people may start talking and we don't want that.

Monday night I spent a lot of time with God at Barnes & Noble. I know, other people sit on the porch or in the grass or out in nature or something. My favorite spot? A table with some coffe on it that's calling my name. Yup! That's me!

I had been craving that time all day and just wanted to leave work and go do it, but waited. I had a few questions that needed to be answered. And for the most part they were.

I think I was getting a little ahead of myself with the questions, asking way out in the future without getting a beginning question answered first. So...God, having clarity of mind and knowing chronilogically what should happen next, answered in the right order.

I had a few things confirmed and in my prayers asked for more confirmation through the Word in addition to that still small voice. (God speaks through that still small voice, His Word, circumstances, and other people.) He did that. I asked and He answered, still confirmed. It was wonderful. Here I am again though, asking more questions. Those answers have posed a few more questions in me that are worth asking. So I asked and I sit waiting...again.

The answers will come in the right timing.

One more thing...I'm really struggling right now with understanding God's ways. Before I tell ya'll this, I'm kind of embarassed (in a way) to say it. Ya'll know that I had been praying for God's provision for me financially for my support account. And with many gifts last month that were unexpected, I thought I had enough to cover my deficit. I didn't. I guess I didn't realize how much the deficit really was, but I didn't even get my full paycheck this month because of it.

I'm kind of embarassed because I had told people how God had provided for me and it was awesome to see how everyone rejoiced with me and was happy with me. I was thrilled! And then, it wasn't enough. I'm kind of at a loss now as to what to do. I feel let down or tricked. I know God doesn't do that, it's not in His character. God promises to provide and if that was the money that came in last month than that is what I needed, right? I'm waiting for God to do another miracle.

You can put two and two together here and realize that if I didn't get my full paycheck this month with an extra $1200 that came in last month than imagine what August's paycheck is going to look like? ...praying for a miracle to happen!

Funky

2006-07-05T11:19:00.000-06:00

Well...the 4th of July was a smash hit! I still got up early to go running at Cherry Creek State Park and then went grocery shopping. I saw Donna there and we tried on shirts (it Wal-Mart, not King Soopers!). I had lunch with Kristen and Brynn at yummy Qdoba! I came home and made a red velvet cake for my friend Holly. I know, it's June, not December, but I made it for her birthday! And I spent the afternoon at Dwight and Dawn Robertson's with the Wards and Pastor and Agnes. Good food and great people to spend Independence Day with. It was great fun and I learned how to play horseshoes!

But I'm feeling weird today. I slept in until 7:00 this morning which I think was my first mistake. I should have gotten up and worked out, but instead I'm going after work and during my lunch break. I've got to get my butt back in gear I tell you.

I'm also getting more confirmations on some things that aren't right in my life and some things that need to change. It's good. When I finally tell people what they are they're going to think I'm crazy I know. But crazy people get things done. So...I guess I'll be crazy, it's more fun anyway.

I have a lot of things going on in my life right now and working through a lot. I never thought my brain could think and worry about so many things all at one time, but it never ceases to surprise me what it can do. So here I am thinking and worrying about a whoel heck of a lot of things all at one time, wondering how in the world anything will ever make sense again. So forgive me if I'm distant and seem like I'm always staring somewhere into space...I'm thinking about...well...

Yeah, so a little funky right now. It makes life interesting right?

2006-07-03T08:34:00.000-06:00

Do you ever have thoughts that you're not doing what you were designed to do? That's me. And quite honestly, I'm surprised.

It's kind of confusing really. Right now at Kingdom Building Ministries I am where I am supposed to be. So I guess it's more of thoughts and tuggings that the direction I am headed and where I will end up with that direction is not where I am supposed to be heading and where I am supposed to be ending up. Make sense?

I go back and forth with what's in my heart and what truly takes over, making my heart really beat hard and what makes sense and what seems logical, true, and good. So right now I can hear myself telling anyone else who would be going through something like this, "Listen to what your heart is telling you, God didn't put those desires on your heart for nothing. What seems logical is not always the way to go. Sometimes the 'crazy' is the right path." But yeah, still struggling.

Again, expectations are clouding my view and fears about money and being responsible and wanting to make the right decision based on Truth and that still small voice rather than jumping into something out of excitement (which is something I tend to do often). Oh how I'm learning more and more about myself. I keep having to tell myself, "This is good Kathryn!".

Questions of normalcy

2006-07-03T07:57:00.000-06:00

Yeah, questioning whether this is normal or not.

The students left yesterday morning for Brazil for 26 days. I'm really going to miss them. I have enjoyed this team so much. They're energetic and fun and silly and still very serious about their faith. We have a lot in common and even if I weren't forced to hang around them due to work, I would choose to. They've been great and they've been the constants in my time spent in the last month.

They are comfortable to me. We think alike for the most part-I mean about the important things I guess. I can be my crazy self without them thinking I love Jesus any less and we're equally passionate about some things. It's just really nice. Yeah, I'm going to miss them...a lot.

And...I'm going to Kenya! I don't know how I'm going to be able to afford it financially, but I believe this something that the Lord is leading me to do, therefore...going to do. I'm leaving the day after Christmas and taking a team of people with me. It's going to be awesome!

Ok, little update on the weekend. Saturday I went to the yummy Pancake House with Kristen and Brynn. That afternoon Dimity and I went to the batting cages for a while and hit some softballs and baseballs. I haven't done that in a long time and it was really fun. She and I watched the Brazil vs. France game-go France!-then we went to see "The Breakup". What a bad movie. I thought it would be at least a little funny. No! I almost cried three times because they were just being so mean to each other-it was not good and the ending was horrible. We went to a BBQ at Roseanne's that night and then to Cold Stone for some yummy German Chocolate Cake Ice Cream (my favorite!) before she left for Brazil for a month.

Oh, Friday night we had a soccer game and we won! Go OOS!

Sunday I dropped the students off at the airport, which was sad. They said I was too peppy for the morning, is that possible? Went to breakfast with Jessica before church and then to the KidStuf service at church. Very funny, recommendation: go! After church I went and swam laps for about 40 minutes. I haven't done that in a long time and I felt it! But it felt really good. I went to help my friend, Seth, move and then watched "Pirates of the Caribbean" for the first time. I thought I should watch it as the second one is about to come out and everyone will want to go see it. I should at least know what happened in the first one, you know? And then to youth group and afterwards, home to bed.

A very entertaining and eventful weekend. Good times!

Car stuff

2006-06-27T15:41:00.000-06:00

Well...I took my car in for it's 3-month check-up and got an oil change and the fluids topped off. I've also been having trouble with it accelerating so I took it in to see what the problem was. Or I should say "problems". Yeah, there were tons apparently. I just got the breakpads replaced last week and I knew that I had a torn boot on my front passenger tire.

So I find out to day that my wires, something, and something need to be replaced because there's oil leaking into my spark plugs and so forth, thus the problem accelerating. And...oh yes, there's more. I need a catalytic converter replaced as well as an emission sensor replaced, and O2 sensor replaced and a new battery (yeah, it's about to die). So there you have it. I thought there was one problem, but there are many. The wires and the somethings are going to cost me almost $600 to fix and that's just today. The rest will have to wait until the July paycheck and maybe August and so forth, I don't know.

I feel like I should be freaking out more than I am. Maybe I'm just naive, I don't know. Just praying that God is going to provide somehow. I know He can. Please join me in praying!

Convictions

2006-06-26T10:45:00.000-06:00

Last week my small group read through Romans 14. It basically talks about how we all have personal convictions that God has given each of us. Some of them are very different than others ones, but we shouldn't expect people to live by our convictions. Believe it or not, this is something that God has been teaching me for a few months now. There are few convictions that God has laid on my heart that He hasn't laid on other people's. And honestly, I was expecting other people to live by them. I was in the mindset that because they were convictions that they were definites between right and wrong. But that wasn't the case. That's what God has been showing me. Just because it's bad for me doesn't mean it's bad for others. And just because it's right for me doesn't mean it's right for others. It's personal.

So...like I said, this is a lesson that I've been learning through my personal times with God and then we go to study this chapter and well...let's just say that I was speechless while reading it. I honestly tried so hard to plead my case with God while I was reading it. I was looking for something to back my opinion up. The only problem? There was nothing there. I was wrong, and dead wrong (at least on the issue of right and wrong). Through grace and some gently nudging while reading it over for the 3rd and 4th times I realized this and was most definitely put in my place.

I felt ashamed and felt really bad. How many relationships had I messed up because of my stubbornness and most of all my judgmental attitude towards people? I don't know, but plenty I'm sure.

But there was one verse that continued to stick out to me. "Make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way." Romans 14:13

This verse confused me a bit. I know, sounds pretty simple.

Most people who either new me well from South Carolina and those who know me now and knew me when I first moved to Colorado can testify that I've changed at least a small bit. I'm not as conservative as I once used to be. There's nothing wrong with being conservative. I actually like it verses the other way, but that's just a preference. But I was so conservative it was definitely legalism. Since moving to Colorado a lot of my views, opinions and beliefs have been challenged. I'm glad. It's forced me to ask myself, "Why do you think the way you do? Why do you believe what you believe? Why do you act that way?j" With careful examination of these questions and the things that go along with it I have changed some of my opinions, but many of them have remained the same. Why? Because I really do believe them and feel very strongly about them.

I'm glad I feel strongly about them. I don't want to waver on the convictions that God has placed on my life and there are definite reasons why I feel the way I do. So...all that to say, I have tried harder than ever to reexamine most everything and look at it fresh and sometimes I have come back to right where I have started.

A lot of these convictions were actually stirred by the above verse in Romans. I don't ever want to be the person that gets in the way of the gospel or people's growth. I want God to work through me, not around me. Out of love for people, I want to help them, not hurt them. If there were someone who struggled with gluteny or was even just trying to lose weight and they needed help by not offering chocolate or dessert to them or having that as a temptation for them, we should do that. Not everything has to be spiritual. I have a couple of friends that don't watch any "R" rated films. I don't have that same conviction. But out of respect for them when I'm around them I shouldn't either and I shouldn't suggest it or tease them about it, telling them that they need to lighten up about it. I love them.

I think the thing that I am confused/don't get about all of this is why it doesn't happen all that often. I often feel like people want to tell me all about Romans 14 in the sense that I need to keep my personal convictions to myself and not put them on other people. Thank you. I am learning that lesson as we speak. And I'm truly sorry for doing that to all of you, I know I have. But what about the above mentioned verse about loving your friends/neighbors and helping them out when they have convictions that aren't your own? That's where I feel like I (or even other people similar to myself) don't get the same respect back. A lot of times people get laughed at for convictions that seem silly to other people and they get totally blown off. Why?

Paul was addressing both the criticized and the criticizer in this chapter. Both sides were guilty of wrongdoing, not just one side. I think there's a balance that needs to be addressed.

Maximum Love

2006-06-23T08:08:00.000-06:00

"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your stength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts."

Deutoronomy 6:4-6

Now Compare:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind', and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Luke 10:27

The difference I wanted to point out was that in Deut. there are only three "with all"s and in Luke there are four. The one in Luke has added on the "with all your mind". In Hebrew, the word used Deut. where "heart" is mentioned means both heart and mind. It's like it is saying "with all your heart/mind". But in Luke they spell it out clearly wanting to be all-inclusive for us who didn't know the Hebrew all that well. Our heart and mind is one in the same. Many times people try to separate the two, but they cannot be separated, they are undoubtedly tied together and work together. It's beauty really.

There was a lesson taught on the scripture in Deut. while we were at camp the other week. God spoke so loudly to me during this that I wanted to share what I learned. Here goes...

In the first scripture (Deut.) there are some key words spoken. Immediately I think they have to be the words "love", but they aren't. The key words are "with all". Think about it. Aren't those incredibly big words? If you repeat them over and over the resinate inside don't they? They seem to get stronger and stronger.

Love God with all your heart/mind. That's everything you feel and think. Love God with all your soul. That's everything that makes up who you are. What else is there? Love God with all your strength. This is really a word in Hebrew that we don't have an English word equal to so we did the best we could and came up with strenght. The Hebrew word is really a word that puts finality and emphasis or intensity on-meaning with all your all. It's saying to give whatever there could possibly be left to give in love, give it.

Every decision I make throughout the day is an opportunity to love God. Every part of my life is a new way to love and worship God. I'll be done loving God when I've given every drop of spit I've ever had to love Him. Therefore...I'll never be done.

You know, there was a great point that was made during this class. Girls, we love to be romanced. Guys, I think, but am not sure, that you like to romance girls, when it's the right one. Why don't we romance God? We try and be so creative in romancing people on earth, but we lift of rituals to God and think that's enough. Romance is not legalistic or rule-bound-it is: freestyle, creative, my own and a pouring out of my heart. Let's do the things that no can teach us how to do in worship and love to Him.

God really, really loves us. A concept I don't think I'll ever understand. Check out some of these verses:

[Keep me as the apple of your eye. Psalm 17:8a]

[And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:5]

[How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1]

[We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19]

When you know how much someone loves you, the natural response is to love them back.

God waits to be wanted. ~A.W. Tozer

"So long as we imagine it is we who have to look for God, we must often lose heart. But it si the other way about-He is looking for us."

~Simon Tugwell

So we have to ask ourselves, do we truly know and accept how much God loves us?

"Give me 100 preachers who hate nothing but sin and love nothing but the Lord adn the world will be turned upside-down."

~John Wesley

What about 12 people? Jesus wanted 12 who hated nothing but sin and loved nothing but God. What about one?

Time well-spent

2006-06-20T11:20:00.000-06:00

I am so extremely tired. I have been out late the past two nights with friends. I have had a ball, but have regretted it in the morning. I went walking Sunday night and ran into Shannon and Dan outside my apartment building and they invited me to join them for a golf game around our complex playing with a wiffle ball. We had an absolute ball. It was great! They taught me how to swing the golf club. I will be eternally grateful as I feel I can partake in something my dad and brother enjoy. Then last night our normal work crew at Confluence Ministries went back downtown to help. The boys put up doors and the other girls did some cleaning while I learned how to do some staining. I did manage to get it all over me. (I'm still sticky.)

I should have known this would happen, but the boys started talking about food and then they decided that we were all going to go eat, which was fine with me. I can always eat! We all headed to Ginger's to delight ourselves in carrots, some spinach appetizers, frozen pizza and lemonade. Delicious! There's nothing better than spur of the moment food from the freezer! I introduced them to speed scrabble and we played some card games. Shannon showed us his card tricks. (I'm still amazed!) And we watched some of the World Cup. Does anyone know the team who's abbreviation is KSA? It's driving me nuts! Anyway, I didn't get to bed until 12:30 and I'm beat!

But the best part of all of this is that I know Ginger, Shannon and John better than I used to. And it's not stupid stuff, it's meaningful things about them. We all got to share our hearts and what made them beat so to speak. It's neat to hear. So it was all time well-spent.

2006-06-16T13:57:00.000-06:00

I just got back from the mountains in Divide, CO. I was there five days and they were amazing for me spiritually! I got so much alone time with God.

These past five days of so much time alone with God have begun stirring things inside of me again.

Do any of you have these things/feelings/dreams/convictions that stir inside of you over and over again but you’re not sure what they’re there for or if they’ll ever be satisfied? That’s me. I’m noticing a pattern. Every time I can get away from the business of my life and focus my heart/mind on God these things start to stir in me again. It’s like another heartbeat. I’m not calling this coincidence. I think I finally get away from the “noise” and can hear God’s voice speak to me. I just don’t know what to do about it quite yet.

God has been faithful once again. I have been praying that He would provide for me financially into my support account just until I can get back east to do some more support raising and He’s done just that! I have had three gifts come in in the past two weeks that will cover my very large deficit for the next two months! He’s heard my prayers and answered my cry. Praise God!

There’s so much more that I’ve learned. I’ll come back to it cause I can’t wait to share it with you.

ow!

2006-06-08T09:15:00.000-06:00

So...I have been having major trouble with my right eye this week. I went to the eye doctor on Tuesday with much pain and redness. He said I had an ulcer forming and put me on antibiotic drops.

Wednesday morning I woke up with my eye swolen shut! I couldn't see and I was in immense pain. I went to the eye doctor again yesterday to which he said that the ulcer had formed on my eye and he upped the drops to every 30 minutes.

I will be headed back to the eye doctor this morning for a follow-up appointment.

Have you guys ever had this before? It's extremely painful and irritating. My eye is completely bloodshot and a still a little swolen. I definitely don't look my best today. But at least I'm functioning again.

I leave for camp tomorrow with the TLI students. I'm so excited! We always have a ball up there! Keep us in your prayers as we're traveling to Divide tomorrow.

Oh, I didn't update, but there were 32 youth at church last Sunday night! That's the most we've had in 6 months! And...two people accepted Christ last Sunday! God's moving!

And...pray for my dad as he's climbing Mt. Whitney in California this weekend.

Happy Birthday Jenn!

Bolder Boulder

2006-05-31T09:46:00.000-06:00

Well...I did it! I ran the Bolder Boulder. I ran the whole thing and didn't walk any of it. I am so proud of myself! My first 10K! And it was a blast! There was entertainment the whole way with bands playing on the sides of the streets and lots of people watching. People were in costumes: gorilla suits, banana outfits, wedding dresses, men running in jock straps, the whole works! It was crazy! And it went by so quickly! Before I knew it, it was over. And I wasn't tired at the end, I even sprinted the last part.

I think I'm addicted to it now, which is okay. I mean, it's running for goodness sake! I'm running another 10K in July and then my dad and I are training for a half marathon in September. He's going to fly out here and run it with me. I'm planning on using the elevation to my advantage as he'll be training at sea level:)

But I had a great time and I want to keep going with it!

miles

2006-05-25T15:41:00.000-06:00

I ran 6 miles yesterday afternoon.

After much driving looking for this place downtown Denver, Donna and I found it and it was worth it. It was a great trail that marks out the distance for you and runs behind all of these houses (nice houses). It was shaded with a little bit of sun. The best part-no creepy guys. There were only older people and young families.

But yeah, I ran six miles and I didn't walk a bit of it. I was so proud of myself, as this is the first time I've ever done this.

I'm training for a 10K I'm doing on Monday. Should be fun!

Next goal-a half marathon-13 miles baby!

sleeping

2006-05-23T15:16:00.000-06:00

Well...I'm finally sleeping! I slept Saturday, Sunday and Monday night! Now, it hasn't been a whole lot of sleep, but that's my fault-I've been going to bed late. I've got a life to live you know! I've spent too much of it sleeping it away.

Now, feeling better, eating whatever and not trying to diet anymore, which I think has something to do with it. I need more protein.

Oh my gosh, this weekend was so much fun! Friday night I stayed up way late baking cut-out sugar cookies that I decorated with different color frosting. It was so much fun, but really exhausting!

Saturday was filled with many activities that exhausted me and probably helped me to sleep that night! Breakfast with friends at the Pancake House and then down to Colfax downtown Denver to help restore an old Synagogue being transformed into a ministry/community center for youth and young adult Hispanics. I did yard work-which I've missed terribly! Lunch with those same friends at Heidi's where I had the best tuna salad on pumpernickle I think I've ever put in my mouth!

The afternoon was spent practicing soccer with those same people! Have you ever played a sport with people who weren't really into it or weren't very competitive and you were? That normally happens when we play with people from church, but this group of people was so different. We were all competitive and kicking each other and tripping and playing rough. It was awesome! I was so nasty at the end of the day! It felt good to have worked that hard all day and gotten that sweaty, you know?

That night I made homemade pizza for some friends and we watched "Gone With the Wind". Brynn really wanted to watch it and Liana had never seen it. I love it of course! I found it in India for $6, which was a really sweet deal considering it has three DVD's in it. I was scared there for a bit because I thought it might be in Hindi, but it wasn't. It was in English! But it still stopped at the most random times. Ahhh, the memories!

Sunday was fun too because I played volleyball and went to the pool with pretty much the same people as Saturday. And...I was outside for three hours on Sunday and got NO sun! What is that about? Talk about frustration! Anyway, left the pool and went on to youth group and then met up with those people that night for mexican food at Casa Vellarta and then on to Cold Stone for some yummy ice cream!

I'm exhausted just typing all of this out! But I had so much fun. The week is proving to be just as fun with softball games, LOST season finalies, bar-b-ques, Boulder, swimming, parties and a 10K race.

Can anyone feel that summer is finally here? Yeah! I'm so thrilled! I'm lovin' it! And...I'm doing my first house-sitting job. Should be fun and exciting!

Sleep...or lack there of

2006-05-18T12:28:00.000-06:00

I have been so tired lately. So...tired. I don't know what it is. I went to the doctor on Tuesday to get some blood work done to see what the problem may be, but I got nothing. I am a very scheduled person who goes to bed at the same time and wakes up at the same time each morning. (I hear that's the best for good sleep...to be on a regular sleeping schedule.)

The thing is that I still go to bed at the normal time, but I'm not getting good sleep. I'm not getting any sleep. And becaues I'm so tired in the morning, I can't get out of bed. I haven't been going to the gym every morning because I can't get up to do it. I'm too tired. [I sitll go to the gym, it's just in the afternoon, which I don't like. There's too many people!]

Last night was a perfect example. I tossed and turned all night long! I don't think I fell asleep until like 3:00am and then I kept waking up. Anyone who's ever been around me when I'm sleeping can vouch for the fact that I sleep like a rock. I don't hear anything and you can' twait me up for anything. Once I'm out, I'm out. But not over the past two months. I can't go to sleep and once I finally do, I just keep waking up. I have nightmares and dreams all the time.

I don't know what the cause is. It's really frustrating. I finally talked to my boss about it and he said he was having the same troubles. We think it could be an attack from the devil. Now, I'm very hesitant to blame Satan for things. People do it all too often, when really it's their own fault. But on this occasion, I've done everything I could do. I didn't even think of it, my boss suggested that that could be it. I don't know.

I really need your prayers. Not just for sleep but for really good sleep. I'm exhausted all of the time and it's taking away from living life. It's making it hard for me to focus on anything and I'm forgetting everything. It's so annoying because I feel like I'm letting so many people down and I can't do my job well. Aaaagggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Prayer please!

communion with God

2006-05-16T15:21:00.000-06:00

The last few weeks have been so neat. Sooo neat! I have felt closer to God than I feel right now, but I feel like I'm in a deeper communion with God now than I've ever felt before.

January, February and March were silent months for me and very difficult ones at that. I tried talking to God so much and had so many questions with no reponse whatsoever. I didn't even get a "Wait". I got nothing.

I somehow felt like I wasn't do something I needed to be doing or that I was doing something wrong. But last week God finally spoke and He spoke very loudly and clearly. All of those questions that I had: He finally answered. He said, "Remember when you asked me ____________? The answer is _______."

God chose to be silent during those months and now He's choosing be to extremely vocal, which I'm glad for. Apparently I wasn't ready for the answers like I thought I was. God knew that although my heart was searching it wasn't ready to hear what He had to say. I guess now I am. He's talking and I'm listening.

God is doing a lot in my life and I'm learning a lot about what it means to truly commune with Him and His heart. Prayers don't seem so tedious and tiresome as they once were. The Holy Spirit is leading me in intercession for others and it's awesome. He's also revealed a gift that's been in me all along. I think it's another instance of something I wasn't quite ready to take on, but now He sees fit to bring it out. It would be discernment. Obviously, it's a gift and not a magical power, so I don't have it down pat. But God's showing me what He would like to do with it and He's tying a lot of it in with the intercessory prayer I mentioned.

It's all new to me and really thrilling. It's awesome to see God working in my life and through it. Who would have though?!?!?!

Update: My mother, sister and friend, Yvonne came out to Colorado over the weekend and we had a great time! We watched movies, ate really well, went to a dinner theater to see "The Music Man", went shopping and went to the "Body Worlds" exhibit at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. [It was an awesome exhibit that I highly recommend. If you're not excercising and eating well yet, you will after you see the effects of poor health on the body!]

And...I'm going to summer youth camp this summer with the youth! Oh my gosh, it's been what...7 years since I've been to camp? Crazy! But I am really excited. I'm going for a whole nother purpose this time. I'm going with these amazing young girls and expecting great things to happen. David Nasser is the speaker for the week and Charlie Hall is the worship leader and it's in Durango!!!! I'm am so thrilled. But really, the most exciting part of it all is that I get to spend a week with these high school girls staying up late with them and playing games and sharing hearts and seeing God change their hearts into hearts sold out for Him. Praying for God's annointing on their lives. Praying for a fire to be started in their heart. A fire that can never be put out. A fire that will ignite and lead to a life on purpose for the Kingdom.

This is going to be awesome!

Prayer Request: I am currently underfunded for my support account for working at KBM. I cannot make it back east until early August at the earliest to do support-raising. I'm praying that God will provide extra financial gifts for the next three months to last me until the September paycheck. Please do the same. He is already providing with my first extra gift coming in yesterday. But I really need you to pray as I continue to pray for God's provision. Thanks ya'll!

Surprise!

2006-05-10T09:16:00.000-06:00

My sister is coming to visit me! And she comes tonight. She called this morning to tell me that she's flying to Colorado today and she'll be here tonight at 11pm. I'm soooo excited! And...mom and Yvonne come tomorrow morning. We're having a weekend for the girls. We're going to the mountains, the Body World exhibit, a dinner theater, a baby shower, shopping, etc. We are going to have a ball!

Question: Have you ever had God tell you something that you thought was totally crazy and didn't make sense, but you couldn't deny that He told you and that it's true?

Yeah, that's what has happened to me. God has revealed to me/told me some things that I can't deny are from Him. I'm trying to make sense of it all and I can't. Partly because God works in a way that doesn't make sense in this world that we live in. But also there are my own doubts that cause me to not make sense of it. I guess I don't need to.

I told a friend of mine last night what God had revealed to me and although she tried her darndest not to seem shocked and she tried to be supportive. I could tell part of her was thinking I was crazy.

The insecure part of me wanted to not tell a soul because what if I'm wrong? But what if I'm not? I do believe this was the Lord and if I don't tell anyone and then it's true, how will He be glorified? When this turns out to be true, I want people to praise Him because He's the one who did it and orchestrated it.

You know?

Has anyone else ever had this happen? Or am I alone in this?

In your church

2006-05-09T12:04:00.000-06:00

Mark Roberts was speaking Sunday night at Oasis about influence. He said something that was so true.

He said (and I don't quote cause I'm too slow to right it down word-for-word).

Most people in the Bible are people you wouldn't hire at your church. They were murderers and adulterers and liers. But those same people were the ones that God chose to use. You know why? Because they were willing to be used by God.

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

1 Samual 16:7

Finality

2006-05-09T11:58:00.000-06:00

I'm sure you all know the hymn, "Jesus Paid It All". But have you heard it lately? I hadn't...until recently. I bought the most recent Passion: Everything CD just for this song and I listened to it I think 50 times yesterday during my Day Alone With God. Read the words. And don't just read them quickly to read them, but listen to what they're saying. They're powerful. There's also an extra chorus at the end that the new musicians put to it.

I hear the Savior say

"Thy strength indeed is small

Child of weakness, watch and pray

Find in Me Thine all in all"

Jesus paid it all

All to Him I owe

Sin had left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow

Lord, now indeed I find

Thy power and Thine alone

Can change the lepers spots

And melt the heart of stone

And when before the throne I stand in Him complete

Jesus died my soul to save my lips shall still repeat

Oh praise the One who paid my debt

And raised this life up from the dead

There's so much finality in what this says; so much simplicity. It's supposed to final. Jesus did pay the final debt, it's over. Never again to we have to worry about the right sacrifice being given, He did it once for all and "It is finished".

The other part that really stuck out to me was the extra chorus, "Oh praise the One who paid my debt, And raised this life up from the dead". That really pierces my heart. But it stuck out to my because I was studying a verse in John 4:14: "Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." The notes on this verse say that the words "welling up" are meant to be extremely powerful. It's a vigorous term meaning a vigorous, abundant life! "In him was life, and that life was the light of men." John 1:4

Jesus came that we may have life and have it to the fullest! It wasn't meant to be a life lived in ho-hum existence just drifting along a lazy river. He raised this life up from the dead! We are a new creation. We were once dead and now we are alive! The water He gives is to become a spring of water WELLING up to eternal life! In Him we find life! It is meant to be abundant life.

So often the world talks about Carpe Diem and living life to the fullest, but apart from God you can never experience abundant life. I have a well of living water in me that will never run dry. I will never thirt or hunger ever again. I have it all. But the questions remains...am I using all that is inside of me. Am I tapping into the well that is laid out before me? Am I living in the abundant life that God meant for me to live in? Am I giving an injustice the terms "abundant life"? And what does that truly mean? What does "life" entail fully?

The gospel of John uses the term "life" more than any other book. He uses it in reference to life given by God and through God. It's a four-letter word that has a huge meaning that I don't think I quite understand.

Making time

2006-05-03T09:04:00.000-06:00

Monday night me, Kristen, Brynn and Mark went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. We went to B.D. Mongolian. It's Mongolian bar-b-que and it's delicious! I ate way too much food, but I tried calamari again and some mahi-mahi. Oh and to top it all off we had some caramel apple dessert and I got a chocolate sundae on the house (for it being my birthday and all!). I was stuffed, but we had a great time. Poor Mark didn't get much of the dessert as we encouraged him to go get more food while we ate the dessert. It was our secret plan although it probably wasn't a secret to him!

And after that we just walked around Denver for a while (after we took funny pictures of the girls of course!). It was a great night. It's that whole spending time with less people and making the "less people" ones that are loyal friends. It was nice not to have a big party filled with a bunch of people that I don't know all that well while doing things that I don't really care to do all that much. But eating, talking, walking and spending time with close friends is something that I would prefer to do over most anything esle. It was great fun!

Oh and I tried the new Green Tea Frappucino at Starbucks last night! I was surprised, but it's really good and refreshing. I love the blackberry sauce on top! Warning: it's a strong taste and overpowers most anything. So if you want to take a "taste" of someone else's drink at any point during your time there, do it before you take a swig of your Green Tea drink!

Linka

2006-05-01T13:05:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to figure out how to do a link. So go check out this out and listen to my friend play the piano beautifully!

Weekend fun!

2006-05-01T12:56:00.000-06:00

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I'm 24! I can't believe it! I am officially in my midi-twenties. And sad to day, but I think people are right. Birthdays just don't feel as special as they once were. I guess I had this naive thought that they would...

So I went to Winter Park this weekend with Brynn and Kristen. We had so much fun. We talked a lot and shared and discussed and laughed our heads off. And you know the best part? It was meant to be a completely relaxing weekend and it was. I was so relaxed not worrying about anything and I came back rested and refreshed, having spent time with loyal friends that are close and know me well. We walked through the mountains. We ate really good. We watched movies. We helped Kristen get some stuff ready for her wedding. They made me a cookie cake with my number 1 ice cream flavor of all time-German Chocolate Cake! It was sweet.

And last night? Oh yeah, we took the youth group country-line dancing for our fellowship night! We had a ball and I got good pics. I'm going to attempt to upload them here, but we'll see how that goes:)

Well...back to work. Another day, another nickle!

left out in the rain

2006-04-28T13:31:00.000-06:00

I've had so much encouragement lately from so many different people in my life. People that I don't even find myself that close to really. It's funny. Funny weird, not funny ha ha.

And I know it was the Lord prompting them to do so. So part of me wonders, do I need the encouragement? I must if the Lord is sending it to me right?

I was thinking this this morning as I was pulling into the bank to try my new budget system out.

And then I thought, maybe I don't need the encouragement because I'm down and depressed, but rather as a way to push me forwards and say, "Keep going. Your life is making a difference."

The past three/four weeks have been, well...something I didn't think I was ready for. But they came anyway, and I guess I was ready for them, but wouldn't have ever put myself out there. The Lord stuck me there and He shown through me.

It's been a hard battle, and by no means, over. But I'm seeing fruit from it. I'm seeing the Lord work in people's lives. I'm seeing the Holy Spirit turn their thinking upside down and shine through them. I'm seeing the Lord turn my thinking upside down. And for the first time in my life I'm honestly seeing the fruit from my actions, the actions that God called me to. It's amazing!

I have a ministerial job and I'm involved in the church and I always have been. I've been involved in ministry my whole life, but have never felt like my actions directly affected another. And here is God saying, "Keep going...". So I will.

And it keeps the faith alive to constantly be wondering, "What is He going to do next?"

invitations

2006-04-27T15:55:00.000-06:00

Well...I have spent this past weekend and this week making wedding shower invitations for my friend Kristen. Actually Brynn and I both worked hard on them. But tonight is hopefully the end of it. I made a few more today to hand out at Exodus (our small group) in case we forgot people or there were new people (we want everyone to feel welcome don't we?).

Last night I went over to some new and good friends of mine's house, Matt and Mille. We had a really good time and wonderful food that they sent home with me! We had Halibut and Salmon (caught by a friend of his in Alaska!) cooked on cedar planks. We had potatoes, asparagus, spinach salad and cheese tortellini with a dip. It was so yummy! And then we ended the evening with the biggest chocolate chip cookie I've ever eaten (made by their daughter, Kelly). She made it special for me:) And they sent me home with some soy beans (oh, we also had those steamed), halibut and two cookies! I'm saving it for a special occasion.

Maybe my special occasion will be this weekend! My, Kristen and Brynn are going to the mountains! This was planned a while back and we're all excited to get away for the weekend in Winter Park! You know what we're going to do?

Nothing except hang out, take nice walks, read, eat good food, watch movies and chat up a storm! Oh and we're tying tool around some vases for Kristen's wedding. But that's going to take place during the movies, we won't even notice that we're doing it! I don't think:)

And tonight...Exodus! That's right baby. We're studying Daniel and Twila's cooking. I'm eatin' good again tonight! 25 people learning how to love God better and eatin' good food at the same time. What better time could I be having on a Thursday night? Ladies night somewhere? I think not!

here

2006-04-26T11:42:00.000-06:00

Just sitting here at my desk smelling someone else's yummy lunch. Yummy!!!

Goals

2006-04-25T11:45:00.000-06:00

I've decided that I want to go back to Kenya. I want to see a lot of Africa. I miss it. I miss the air of it if you will. The slow pace and the natural beauty of it all is amazing. I want to go back. So...saving my money to get there.

And...saving my money to take the GMAT. I want to get my Master's. I know I've said that so many times. And it's not that I'm not ready to apply it's that my work schedule doens't allow me to commit to anything long-term with all of the traveling that I do. And...the GMAT costs $250. That's a big financial commitment as well as committing to pay for more schooling. Yikes! But yet, there it is. Two goals that are foreseeable and attainable. Trying for them.

You know, another goal that I have and I want to share it. I had the opportunity to share it last week but chickened out because I thought everyone would snicker or think I'm crazy for thinking this way so soon. But anyway... I want to be Godly wife and mother one day. That's a big goal that I have that I definitely want to continually work towards. Now, there's nothing I can do about being a wife and mother right now. That's in God's hands. But I can do something about the Godly part. So we work towards what we can with the resources that we have.

Hearts on Fire...

2006-04-24T09:48:00.000-06:00

I was reading through the latest Laborer's Journal written by Kingdom Building Ministries (where I work). I loved the last article. I loved the whole journal. (If any of you would like to start receiving the Laborer's Journal free of charge you can either send me your mailing address or go to our website at www.kbm.org and sign up for it. Anyway, the last article talks about some stuff that I've been talking about on here recently. I'm going to put some of the article below. Please read. You won't be disappointed. It's good stuff. Read on....

"The internal and external spiritual influences in our lives can either quench or fuel the fire within us. As we spend time next to the influences of a spiritually cold world, our flame can grow dim. But as we spend more time in intimate relationship with Jesus, the flame grows hotter and brighter."

-It makes me wonder why, if I want to be on fire for Jesus, we spend so much time in the world and see how close we can get to the world without being of it.

"Unfortunately, much of what we've seen portrayed as Christianity in the past century has been a fireless counterfeit of what Jesus spoke of in the First Century.

Christian faith has often been reduced to church attendance. And our concept of "church" has often been reduced to a fireless religious institution.

That's why revolutionary firebrands don't often feel at home in local churches."

-Is this ever you?

"They're perceived as bring too hot to handle.

Too unwilling to go along with the religious status quo.

Too passionate about the things of God and not passionate enough about the traditions of men.

Too uncomfortable to be around.

-Are we too uncomfortable to be around? Are we more passionate about the things of God rather than the things of man? Are we going with the religious status quo? I hope not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

"They're often treated like misfits by those who want to maintain the status quo of a comfortable faith. And they feel like misfits. So, they look for other misfits like themselves-wherever they can find them-so they can fuel their heart fires.

But fiery passion for Jesus should not be abnormal! It should be a hallmark of every Christian. It should be the lifeblood of the church.

-I completely agree!!!!!

"Instead, many Christians are sitting in the pews, watching others outside the mainstream burn with a passionate and active faith. They're content to follow a passed-down set of religious duties that aren't performed out of a passionate love for God. They're perfunctory. They're someone else's prescription. They're a means of trying to earn God's favor. But God is looking for people who will follow hard after Him because they love Him.

Without a love relationship with God, our faith is fireless. And when our faith is fireless, it's unappealing to those who are watching to see what Christianity looks like.

It's not at all contagious and it doesn't leave a transforming mark on the world.

It looks empty and religious...because it is.

It's even repulsive to unbelievers, because the fireplace-which is supposed to give off a warm glow-is, instead, cold with indifference.

It's sad, but that's the picture many unbelievers have of Christians-cold, empty fireplaces.

They've seen the religious form, but not the passionate fire...

...It's no wonder they're not interested in Christianity.

We need to redefine what normal Christianity is!...

...Historians may someday describe us as self-absorbed, not God-consumed.

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So because you are luke-warm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth (Revelation 3:15-16).

Consider this a call to all who are living lukewarm lives. It's time to let the fire burn within you. It's time to push aside the spiritual complacency that has characterized your life and live passionately for the one and only cause that counts for eternity-loving God and building His eternal Kingdom.

I loved what all of this had to say. Fire, catch it! Are you flammable?

enjoying each other

2006-04-20T13:44:00.000-06:00

This whole e-mailing my blog thing is quite handy.

We recently had this couple move into town to work with KBM and I thought it would be nice to have all the ladies in the office and the female spouses go out to lunch to welcome the newest lady to the KBM family.

We went to Jason's Deli and had a wonderful time! We had a ball! It was so neat to have everyone together without the husbands and the children (the husbands did the baby-sitting!) I just sat there looking around watching all the ladies laughing and talking and sharing. We were all just enjoying each other's company. There was no agenda and no specific topic to cover/discuss. It was so relaxed.

I sat there thinking to myself, "I really enjoy people enjoying each other." I love to create atmospheres and places and opportunties for people to have a good time while getting to know people and enjoying their company. I think that's why I like to entertain so much. No agenda. No problem to be solved.

The goal: New relationships and deepened relationships.

Outcome: Goal accomplished!

Thanks to all the 12 ladies who came today for lunch and for welcoming Jessica with such open arms into the family at Kingdom Building Ministries. There's no place I'd rather be!

this is deep

2006-04-19T11:49:00.000-06:00

Nothing deep from my mind. That bruise from falling yesterday is what's so deep! Man it hurts. It's not even bruising yet because it's so deep. It hurts to walk and especially go up and down stairs. Maybe I broke something. You think?

I had dinner with a dear friend, Brynn, last night. First of all, we went to Jason's Deli which was so yummy. Salad bar and Spicy Seafood Gumbo that was delicious but definitely spicy! And Jason's has the best sweet tea in Colorado. It tastes a lot like McCalister's Deli in Columbia. Maybe they share recipes!

Anyway, Brynn and I hung out there for 2.5 hours just talking about everything and nothing. We planned a shower for our friend, Kristen and talked about our goals and things that were changing and church and things like that. It was great fun with good food and a great friend! I love times like that!

My friend Sara wrote me a neat email talking about Jesus' ministry and ministering to the lost. I think this is one of those things that I struggle with as well. What I mean is, what does it mean to "be all things to all people", to meet people where they are? There is also a thin line there as well. And so many of us see how close we can get to the world without sinning when that shouldn't be the goal. We should be seeing how close we can get to Jesus and then His heart will naturally rub off on us and I really believe that we won't have to try so hard to "reach" the world with the message of love. It will be shown from our actions, words, the way we love, forgiveness, etc.

And there's more. Paul talked all throughout the NT about freedom in Christ but being careful not to abuse that freedom with testing limits and lines. Biblically we should steer clear of sinful circumstances. Isn't our goal to be more like Christ and less like the world? I thought that was it?

a little boo boo

2006-04-18T15:00:00.000-06:00

So my knee is as we speak swelling.

I fell at the gas station this afternoon. I had this great plan see. I was on complete empty and got it pumping by itself and was going to sit in the passenger seat of my car and read my Bible. As I TRIED to step over the gas pump cord thing I apparently didn't lift my foot high enough and I tripped over it and landed face first on the cement AT THE GAS STATION! I hit my knee pretty hard and my hand.

I sat there and thought, "This is so embarassing. I fell at the gas station. I'm on the ground AT THE GAS STATION. Yuck!" And then I thought, "I don't care if I'm on the ground. This really hurts." And then I started crying. Yeah, I'm such a baby sometimes.

But this nice man came running over with his daughterfrom the complete other side of the gas station and helped me up. And the daughter offerred to pump my gas for me. But as I said, it was pumping by itself. But it was nice of them to help.

I finished pumping my gas and got back in my car to inspect my "wounds". No bleeding, just bruising. And we all know that I bruise like a peach, so this should be interesting tomorrow. I mean, I still have a bruise on my arm from playing VOLLEYBALL 10 days ago!

I drove past the man and his daughter and thanked them again for helping me. There really are nice people in the world. I wish I could have bought them dinner or something. I felt like they deserved more than a "Thank you".

Oh, I almost forgot! Today is my 1 year anniversary at Kingdom Building Ministries! Isn't that great?!?!? It feels like I've only been here a month! It's so crazy. My boss gave me a nice card and a gift card to Starbucks and so many people on staff wrote me nice notes congratulating me and encouraging me. It was a nice day!

Desserts

2006-04-18T14:13:00.000-06:00

This goes without saying of course but everything is better a la mode!!

Now...some of my favorite ice creams...brace yourself, it's going to make you hungry:)

1. Baskin Robbin's German Chocolate Cake (that's only here during November so when that's not here I go to Cold Stone and get theirs (still yummy!))

2. Cold Stone's Apple Pie Dream thing

3. Dairy Queen's Georgia Mud Fudge-substitute the cocoa fudge for caramel

4. Starbuck's Java Chip

5. Breyer's Mississippi Mud Fudge

6. Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

7. Breyer's Butter Pecan (that's pronounced "pee can")

8. Marble Slab's Cake Batter with crushed up Almond Joys

9. Hagan Daaz' Mango Sorbet

10. Snicker's Ice Cream Bars

I'm so tired!

2006-04-17T08:21:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I'm sooo tired! This weekend was definitely not a restful one. It was fun, but not restful.

Friday I ran some errands and went shopping with my friend, Liana and watched a movie, or rather a couple, that night. Saturday was an early day with more shopping and then baking all afternoon. I was in charge of dessert for Easter and so I went to town. I love any excuse I have to try new recipes and let others enjoy them. It's no fun if it's just me.

I made an Italian Cream Cake, Lemon Nut White Chip cookies, decorated cup for the kids and an Apple Pie. Yummy! Yes, that took all afternoon. And then I went to see "Failure to Launch" which I have to say was a cute movie and made me want a sailboat and someone to sail with.

For my 16th birthday me and a friend spent the night on a sailboat in the Charleston Harbor. That was really a lot of fun. My first time on a sailboat and my first time having Loaded Baked Potato Potato Chips from Lays. It's funny how you remember those things don't you? Yeah.

Yesterday was such a beautiful day! Went to church and enjoyed a great message by Jim and one of my favorite songs by Hillsong United-Salvation is Here. It was good. And then I hung out with my new friends, Matt and Mille Nelson who moved here from Alabama. And some new people on staff, Mark and Tonya Roberts who moved here from Florida. I'm excited about what God's got planned for our church in the coming months/years! It's going to be awesome!

Anyway, it wasn't my typical Easter, but it was still good. At first I was sad cause I called my parents on my way home from church and they were all at my aunt and uncle's house with my Pop-Pop, aunts and uncles and all of my cousins. But I had a bar-b-que at the Aurora Reservoir with the Nelsons and Roberts and another couple from Pensacola. The food was great, with burgers and dogs and some expensive cheese and these chips that were way too hot to think about eating. We had those yummy desserts and got in trouble for going to a restricted part of the beach.

And then, because my desserts weren't quite even close to being eaten I made rounds to friends houses and dropped some off. Thank goodness for good friends willing to eat. Brian called it "Ministry by Food Disposal". I thought it was fitting!

So...a good time was had by all! And...side note, I've started reading Daniel and what a great book that is! I've read it before, but it's been a long time! I'm getting so much out of this! It's wonderful!

2006-04-13T14:22:00.000-06:00

So...I've been really concerned/frustrated/bothered by a few things that have gone in the past few days, actually one week to be exact.

I feel at a loss of what to do, if anything about this situation, wondering if it's hopeless. Let me try to explain/elaborate.

Remember a post a wrote, I think two posts ago about alcohol? Okay, this is a subject that continually comes up out here between me and well...some of my friends.

I know I have said it before, but I don't find anything wrong with the alcohol, the actual drink or consumption of it. But...you have to know your culture, where you are, the people you're with, what's expected of you or not expected of you, the outcomes from drinking it, and (here's the kicker) how it all affects your witness for Christ.

I find this topic similar to the topic of clothing, relationships, cussing, etc. To explain: the issue of "inappropriate" clothing is not stated directly in the Bible. It talks about not making your brother or sister stumble and it talks of being of modest dress. Who determines what modest is and who determines what inappropriate is? Then there the issue of relationships. Some people believe that relationships between girls and guys are just like same sex friendships. Some think that they should be totally separate. There are lines that could be crossed and those lines are thin and gray. But who determines the lines? What is appropriate? Then there's cussing. The Bible talks about only using language the is useful to others and builds them and not letting any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth. Well...apparently cussing is considered wholesome and uplifting and encouraging to others within Christian circles because I'm hearing it all around me.

And here we are again at the alcohol. Biblically, you're not supposed to get drunk. Ok. But what about drinking alcohol altogether? Everyone in the Bible did it, so why can't I, is what people are saying? Point taken. But then there's scripture talking about not making your brother or sister stumble and there's the whole thing about if your brother finds meat to be unclean then don't eat meat around them to be respectful. Ok. There's the witness within the culture you're in and the people that you're around.

All of this, alcohol, cussing, clothing, guy/girl relationships are all topics that I stand firm on my convictions of. But as I've noted within the past week and a couple of conversations, including one I had last night with two other people, people don't listen to my convictions or think they're worth anything because they think that I have them because I'm from the South and have a conservative background rather than thinking, uh, maybe it's because that's what God's convicted me of? Why do I get written off immediately because I'm from the South? Has anyone stopped to think that great things can come from the South?

Maybe the real problem is not that I am too conservative but the world has become too liberal and open with everything. Just a thought.

I'm concerned because all of these major issues are becoming "no big deals" within Christian circles and eventually won't be on the radar at all. I'm starting to not be able to tell the difference between Christians and Non-Christians. Where's the light in the darkness? Where are the people in Jesus likeness that stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd? I'm just as guilty. Sometimes it's easier to blend than to stick out, I get it.

But God's showing me that it's worth it. Even among Christians where I should blend with them, I'm sticking out and it's okay. I tried to blend for too long. It's enough. I have to ask myself, "What is my legacy? Is Jesus smiling or shaking His head at me? Am I a bright light or a dim one or even maybe adding to the darkness?

Just a lot of stuff that I'm wrestling through and trying to figure out for myself. Thanks for letting me share.

Kathryn

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2006-04-11T13:18:00.000-06:00

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Oh the mess

2006-04-11T11:15:00.000-06:00

So here I am sitting in my office TRYING to get it organized and clean. We have some people coming through the office this afternoon and the VP has called a clean office day. This is good, it's finally motivating me to clean it. The problem is that I really don't have places to put some of these things and don't know where they would go if they had a spot. What is a girl to do? I'm definitely overwhelmed here. I clean one mess and make another one. It's a recurring cycle of messiness.

Running and running and running and running...

2006-04-10T14:34:00.000-06:00

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7

Yesterday in church we had the BEST message I think I've ever heard there-at least one of the best. In the beginning they talked about loving your friends and what it means to lay your life down for them. And I thought, "What does it mean to lay down my life for my friends?" And...what is a true friend?

Then they went into martyrs and the story of Stephen. Which brings me to another interesting point. Every time scripture talks about Jesus being at the right hand of God it says he is "seated at the right hand of God". But in Acts when Stephen is dying he looks up and sees Jesus "standing at the right hand of God". Interesting isn't it? I have NEVER seen that or realized it before. I thought it was neat.

Anyway, the service went through all the martyrs of the Bible and told a little bit about their story and then told of other martyrs around the world. It referred to the scripture that I mentioned at the beginning as something that Paul said at the end of his life and then it hit me right between the eyes.

I had quit running.

(Sinking stomach.)

I have always thought of myself as someone who persevered through anything. I never thought I quit anything. I'm a fighter; a survivor. Right? Well...I don't know. I think in most things I am. But in this instance, my spiritual relationship got REALLY hard in India and when I got back I was so tired from fighting for it through that whole month in India that I just stopped. I quit running. I'm so mad at myself, but thankful that I now see what I did. And you know, it's not something that I may feel like doing, but I just have to make a decision and do it, right?

I mean, listen to how God has worked this in me. I have kind of recently began to enjoy running. I enjoy it so much that sometimes I go twice a day. I know, weird, huh? Anyway, there are some points where I'm tired and I want to stop, but I think to myself, "Kathryn, you're just tired, you're not going to die. Suck it up and KEEP RUNNING!"

So the same goes for my spiritual walk. I'm sucking it up and I'm going to keep running! Who wants to cheer me on!?!?!?! And where's that finish line? It's Heaven baby! All I got to say is that I hope there's a ribbon to run through and a huge thing of orange Gatorade waiting for me:)

On another completely different note. I'm reading this AMAZING book called "Non Violent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshal Rosenburg. This is a must-read for anyone planning on not living like a hermit for the rest of their life. Really, it's extremely helpful on how to communicate with people and how to receive what they're saying as well. I've only read about 25 pages and it's already changed a lot of how I think and talk.

Point is...I'm talking to a friend the other night and we grew up very differently, mainly in two very different parts of the country which bring different cultures in. I thought we were just sharing and talking and then it turned into something different. I think... I tried my best not to give an opinion but actual facts and I'm pretty sure that's what I did. But we were talking about alcohol.

I don't find anything wrong with it as long as it's legal, is not abused and it used in controlled situations and environments. He had said that me and another friend of ours (me and this friend are both from the South) were legalistic. You know, I can say that I may have legalistic tendencies and so could she, but it's not fair to make such a judgment on us based on a few instances or situations and to make such a generalization on all people from the South.

I was trying to help him understand that in the South it is taught that alcohol is bad and people who drink alcohol are bad. Now I know that this is a wrong generalization made by the South in regards to other people. But there it is nonetheless. This teaching if you will is taught by the church in A LOT of churches, not all mind you, but a lot and I was taught it be EVERYONE that surrounded me. I was just trying to explain to him that when that's all you're taught by anyone and everyone that's influential in your life, it's hard to think any differently you know?

That's why I'm so glad I moved out of there at least for a little while. I was exposed to new things and new thinking, some of which is not prefferable, but some is great!

This guy just responded to me talking about the South with, "Haven't you read the Bible? Why don't you read it and think for yourself?" Okay, that's nice, right? I never responded. What was I going to say to someone who didn't seem like they wanted to hear anyone's thoughts or opinoins on it. He just didn't seem like he wanted to understand at all.

You know, I know that I have a lot of things that I need to work through. But I'm trying. I'm trying really hard. I have come such a long way since I left the South. Now, there are some things that I don't like about the South like the legalism that CAN be present as well as the racism and I definitely don't like the humidity. But there are some wonderful things about the South liek the traditions, the history, the architecture, the scenery, the family-style atmosphere, the chivalry and the etiquette. I have been hard-pressed to find much of that out here. And although there are instances of legalism in some old-school churches there, there are amazing mega-churches popping up there that are doing AWESOME things for God. Check out New Spring Community Church at www.newspring.cc or North Point Community Church at www.northpoint.org

I'm not sure where I was going with all of that except to say that you shouldn't judge someone based on others and based on a few things you've heard. Get to know me first, I'm not bad, really. And the other is that we should always be open to listening to others and trying to understand. Thanks to all of you who listen and listen well. I love you.